difficult child stole my debit card!

[trinityroyal]

Jo, I think in a lot of cases it's a combination of impulsiveness, entitlement, and spite.

When my difficult child was home over Christmas, I made sure to lock down the entire house before he arrived. Although we haven't been locking the doors, I left the locks in place for times when he has a home visit.

I also made him empty his duffel bag, all pockets, and take out the linings of his boots all while I was watching, to ensure that I had an inventory of everything he brought with him. I confiscated a bag full of items that he wasn't supposed to have (that he "picked up" or "found" at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)).

Even with all that diligence, he still managed to get hold of $10, a Wal-Mart store card and my garage remote control. (He's not supposed to have access to the garage, because that's one of the safe places we can keep valuables) I managed to get the money and store card back, but the remote is still missing.

So...we need to recalibrate the garage door before difficult child comes home for the next visit (which won't be until next Christmas, I suspect, given his behaviour of late)

Your difficult child may not be as aggressive in her dishonesty, but she's already proven to you that she's willing to steal from you. She took your car, not only without permission, but after you'd expressly forbidden her to do so. And, she took your bank card. If a stranger did those things, you would call the police.

Just something to think about.

Trinity

 

[witzend]

Trinity, is it possible that he could hand the remote off to someone else, or sell it for money? I'd be concerned that he would send someone in to get what he wants, or trade for something, telling the other person where to find the goodies - or worse.

 

[dirobb]

She took my card to get gas instead of just asking for gas money - she knows we would have said no, which is probably why she didn't ask.

If you would have said no and she did it anyway it is stealing...does it matter that it was just for gas...Just a thought, do you have levels that are acceptable in what she will take from you?? I say WILL because for most of us unfortunately once it starts "its on"
My difficult child ss14 steals from everyone insignificant items but still someone elses property. We all have locks but we have moved him to a new school and he is no longer left alone at home _ever_. Only you know your daughter but consider what you are comfortable with having disappear because it can happen. Most of us are not comfortable with missing items which is why we now are under lock and key. Terrible yes, but necesssary none the less.

I also realize that I can't tell easy child everything about what difficult child's doing because it just makes her angry and not like difficult child very much.

Again, something you have to consider is easy child's valuables. I think she should know so she does not wind up missing her debit card or money. Afterward would be to late and trying to spare their relationship well ....If yours are anything like mine it is always a love/hate relationship. difficult child or not...although the gfgness does add some additional hardship.

Just another perspective. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I certainly understand the escaping to work. When I went through my divorce my job was my sanity. Sometimes we need that break from our home life.

 

[Kathy813]

Jo,

My memory often fails me but if I'm remembering correctly this is not the first time she used your debit card to steal money from you.

Didn't she use it (with permission) but kept out extra money without telling you?

Or was that my difficult child? :rofl: Sometimes all of our difficult children just run together in my mind. They are so similar it is scary.

Anyway, if it was your difficult child then stealing from you is not an impulsive one time thing. It is a pattern that I would be very worried about.

by the way, my difficult child did use my debit card without permission, used it with permission but took out extra money without telling me, used a credit card (twice) without permission, stole easy child's Ipod, took money out of change jars without permission, etc., etc. . .

The sad part is that she still feels as if she was entitled to all of those things. That's one of the reasons she doesn't live with us anymore.

I feel your pain.

~Kathy

 

[hearts and roses]

dirobb, easy child is well aware of difficult child's 'light fingers' as that's why she had me install a door lock on her bedroom when she lived at home!! I just meant that I sometimes am just venting about difficult child and her most recent shananigans to easy child and I'm thinking that easy child doesn't need the added stress. She already hides things when she's home and always keeps her door closed, etc. She even took her laptop with her to her dads so her difficult child sister woudln't have access to it while she was there and easy child wasn't.

difficult child slipped up (about a prior lie to me) today while talking on the phone in front of me and I gave her a look - she held up one finger as if to say, "hang on I can explain". When she hung up I just said, "You know, every time your lips move, I know you're lying. I can't believe anything that comes out of your mouth anymore, so save it" and left. She tried to explain her lie to me, but I was already gone out the door. I don't want to hear anything from her anymore. The ice is getting very very thin.

Kathy! That WAS my difficult child!! OMG - I didn't forget about it, it just kind of melded in with all the other lies. I haven't even gotten my new card yet, but when I do, it will have a new pin. I also ordered another new card from my other bank with a new pin as well. May as well revamp all my personals, etc., right?

H has a keyed doorknob in his workshop, so I'm installing it on Saturday. H is against it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

dirobb, you're right, ours is definitely a love/hate relationship.

 

[trinityroyal]

Trinity, is it possible that he could hand the remote off to someone else, or sell it for money? I'd be concerned that he would send someone in to get what he wants, or trade for something, telling the other person where to find the goodies - or worse.

Witz, thanks for the thought.
Right now difficult child is in a locked down Residential Treatment Center (RTC), with no direct access to other people in the program and 24-hour supervision. Any socializing he does is tightly controlled, with at least 2 staff on hand.

difficult child's pattern isn't usually to steal things for their value, or to try and sell things. He takes my things out of spite, when he thinks I'm being too hard on him for, say, searching his bags and room. But what's more likely to happen is he will pull it apart and the next time I visit, I will find bits of garage remote hidden in a corner of his room at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

I have asked husband to recalibrate the garage door just in case.

The lack of trust and constant guard is so very draining. It makes me dread difficult child's visits home.