difficult child-that time of the year

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Feb 2, 2009.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Saturday, Sunday and Monday have been normal difficult child days-not great necessarily but all things are relative.

    Last Wednesday, Thursday were not good and Friday night was horrible!

    difficult child ended up with 3 1/2 days in a row of "Stop the World" (for those unfamiliar for my difficult child any physical violence to husband or me ends up in "Stop the World"-basically he has no privileges, no snacks, no electronics, etc...)

    Friday night was the worst he has been in a long time (this is about the time of the year he starts to escalate). He was upset because husband and I were going to take a short rest and he was on STW. He tried to rip the book I was reading from me, punched me in the arm, when he couldn't get it he took the blanket I was using and covered my head with it-it felt like he was trying to suffocate me. Fortunately husband was right there and was able to stop him almost immediately.

    He then went into a rage knocking everything off the top of our dresser. He broke a candle holder, a candle, and a snow flake decoration of mine. He also put another hole in our bedroom door-a big one this time. It's hollow so at least it doesn't go all the way through.

    Later he apologized (one false, one sincere), he has not been violent since. This was definitely his worst violence in almost a year.

    I'm glad the in home people are coming tomorrow. They are suppose to start pulling back in March. He will still have a therapist outside of the home. When they pull out respite is going to be much harder to come by which we desparately need.

    He was doing so much better for so long-only about 1 or 2 STWs a month and for relatively minor things (pushing, elbowing). He just gets so explosive at times it is unreal. At the same time where I might usually think hospitalization might be a good thing, this isn't one of those times. Just not sure what is the right thing right now.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    So sorry to hear that things are getting rough....is there something in particular that happens this time of year to make it worse? Is it just "cabin fever" from being stuck in the house? Seasonally Affected Disorder? Or is it the anniversary of an emotional event or something like that?

    Whatever it is--I hope you get some relief...

    Sending gentle hugs your direction this evening.

  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ((HUGS)) As you know, I have no answer to this, but I send my support and wishes that he gets out of this mode quickly. I was wondering how you handle this when you are alone with him and he becomes violent. If you say "stop the world" does he comply or get more violent?
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    What were you doing before you initiated the rest period that upset him so? Was this something he had to transition out of doing?
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Like the tweedles, your difficult child needs continual services such as respite & in home services. Can you ask for an extension of services?

    difficult child is such a complex little guy - you need so much more than this past, what has it been, 9 months of services. Your difficult child hasn't even begun to internalize the skills he's being taught. He's still in the learning to comply.

    And he is still exhibiting violence toward you. That is unacceptable (something you already know). It worries me so.

    Take care of yourself.
  6. Janna

    Janna New Member


    I am sorry difficult child continues to be physical. If he could just find one way, any way, to get out what is going on without getting to that point. *sigh*

    I worry about you alot.

    I don't know what the answer is. I wish I had a magic wand.

    I don't know what types of services are your way, other than what you have, BUT - here, we have MH/MR (Mental Health/Mental Retardation). Now, D is obviously not MR, but they have MH caseworkers that come, twice a month, to see how things are, and *they* too offer respite with "theraputic" foster care homes. Maybe you could see if they have an agency your way? Or PM me, if you like, and I can ask my caseworker if there are any in your neck of the woods.

    I would definately be telling your in home worker about this incident and seeing if they can get you an extension, if nothing else.

    Sending hugs.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Daisy-I think the reason this time of the year is really hard has to do with his Bipolar. I remember one time in March his psychiatrist saying that the hospital is full this time of the year with bipolar patients. Also I had a student for a long time with Bipolar. After winter break is when he would start to struggle more as well.

    K-Thanks for the hugs. When husband isn't here it's harder-specifically the incident last year when I was driving and he got violent. When I'm at home, I usually can get to a room where I'm safe. Luckily, due mostly to medications-I think, he doesn't stay ramped up for too long.

    Gvcmom-We had come home from work and on Fridays he knows we usually rest a bit. I was trying to tell him that we would even let him watch tv a bit (he is so dependent on people for everything that when we wanted to rest we felt that this would be a small comprimise for him). He got upset because we said no to the computer and then he punched me in the arm and tried to get the book. Now due to the violence we had to tell him no to the tv. I figured I would have to get up and not rest but we had to send the message about violence. Then he continued to threaten and husband said to remember if he continued the violence there would be no wrestling because it would be stop the world for tomorrow. He again tried to grab the book and hit me once so husband told him no wrestling. That really set him off and led to the rest of the stuff.

    Linda-I don't know if they'll extend the services. The inhome will probably end and they are the ones who have access to the respite. difficult child's caseworker for the special program he is in that goes until December is working on trying to find other respite services. I agree he hasn't begun to internalize it.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janna-You snuck in while I was typing! He does have continued services with a county agency but that most likely will end in December. They are looking for other theraputic foster homes but the in home agency really has much greater access. The program he is in is for kids in danger of being hospitalized or placed out of the home, it usually only goes for 18 months so that is why I think it will end in December. He was making good progress on the violence things-that is what scared me about Friday-it was unexpected in that it hadn't happened in so long.
  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    It's a horrid way to live.
    Although you have had worse incidents of violence, it's all relative. This is pretty ugly by even difficult child standards. Physical punching, broken doors and attempted suffocation!
    WO, he needs more services and not less. Demand help from the professionals. You are in danger and always have been. Don't minimize his behavior or justify it by the time of year. I know it's an explanation for you to understand him but it all boils down to behavior that far exceeds the limit of difficult child behavior.

    Advocate for help for difficult child, for you and for your daughter. This is a life no one should live with. Sorry. I know I say this often and you know it in your heart but he is not predictable. He explodes into violence for any reason or no reason. He is a danger to all 3 of you.

    Demand more mental health help.
  10. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs and sorry. I had not thought about the time of year affecting behavior, maybe that is part of husband & difficult child's problem? I hope they keep you inhome services.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Fran-I agree he needs more mental health help. We continue to keep advocating. One of the services he has will continue through December. The in-home really plans on phasing out in March, they are only suppose to be short term so I don't think they will change their mind much although we will keep trying.

    Crazymama-Thanks for the hugs!

    When I talked to the in-home people today they didn't seem to think it was too unusual that difficult child relapsed into more serious violence. They did say we should have called them for crisis respite. husband and I both thought that was no longer available-we will call next time. Also she said once they are out of the picture if something like that happens we have to call the police-something I know is coming eventually. Sigh.