OK, here's an Aussie take on it. I'm also being Devil's Advocate, as far as possible. Let's be as kind as possible to the school, to see this from the school's point of view as much as possible.
1) He had to be reomved if he was becoming disruptive. The other kdis are entitledto an education too, if they have a kid raging, it is confronting for them, upsetting for them and also a big distraction.
BUT - he needn't have been removed TO a locked-in place, but could just as easily, probably better, been placed outside with an aide, or a quiet room (as distinct from a Quiet Room which sounds more like a padded cell). For example I remember when I was a kid and was upset, my mother would take me to the bathroom and wash my face with a cold, wet washcloth. She had common sense, my mother.
Conclusion - there needs to be a less confrontational intermediate location for him to be, a safe place for HIM to be taken when he is getting upset. Often the classroom environment is just too dsitracting for the difficult child and tey can be reacting to the overdose of stimulation.
2) Something set him off and the notes give absolutely no indication. It sounds to me like there was something in the work request, either the work itself or how the request was presented, that triggered the problem. THIS MUST BE ADDRESSED or there will be continual failure. AS I see it, the SpEd may not have the skills to do this, or may be getting undermined by the aides being insistent on compliance NOW. This may be at the instigation of pretty boy, directly or indirectly.
3) Looking at the list of 'crimes' -
"Complained of being tired between 9-9:30am.
10:30 a.m. refusals of work, crying, banging fists on desk, some screaming. Removed to safe room. Once in safe room (where he alone, by the way) the following tallies were taken:
Hit wall=39
Screams=3
Spitting=5
Use of profanity=44
Hitting/kicking=1
Howling/nonsense words=Continuous for 3 minutes
Threats/coupled with making shooting noises and actions at the door=9
Threats included:
kill both paras and SpEd teacher
Said 'I'm going to bring a shotgun to school tomorrow to kill pretty boy, or maybe I'll bring a bazooka.'
While eating lunch he made the comment 'I'm just going to kill myself.'
- in the classroom he wascrying, banging his head on te desk, refusing to do work. WHY? He didn't just start doing that, cold. Something triggered it. What? Shari, ask the question. make it clear that "he just started it..." is NOT an acceptable answer. What was happening in the rest of the room What was being said? What was being done? Where were people standing? SOMETHING triggered this. The staff may know, or thye may not know. They may genuinely not understand how this could happen, but they need to gain an understanding. FAST.
- in the alleged safe room, he was raging, spitting, swearing, threatening, hurting himself. In other words, raging. THEREFORE YOU DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING HE SAYS, SERIOUSLY. Of course a little kid will make threats like this when upset to this extent - it shows just how riled he has been gotten to. No kid this age has the impulse control of even a 14 year old. They cannot be held anywhere near as responsible for their words or their actions. Kids at this age do not have the understanding of death, especially the seriousness or finality of it. What he was saying - he was upset and he wanted the people who were upsetting him to go away from him for as long as possible. THAT is what tis threat means. So why was he making these threats? Because while he was raging, they were trying to do things to him, either talking to him or trying to calm him down, or simoply there where he could see them (maybe). Or maybe he knew they were there watching, even if he couldn't see them. He was upset also with himself, he wanted to harm himself because he hates feeling this way, he hates when other people make him fel this way and he wants it all to stop.
For Pete's sake, he's just a little kid! He cannot be held to account by the same standards as bigger kids.
In Australia, in our state at least, a kid cannot be charged under the age of 10. WHen difficult child 3 was bashed and we had to call an ambulance, the kids responsible were all under 10. The youngest was 6. The police could talk to them but not charge them. It is noted in their files so if they do the same sort of thing after the age of 10 it will be there for the cops to see, that it's not been the first time. But otherwise - no action taken, other than a talking to.
So if the courts and our legal system sees that kids of this age can't be made so responsible, then why should a school be so harsh on a kid who has many more impulse control issues than other kids his age?
There seems to be a seriously wrong attitude - "this kid has impulse control problems, so he HAS to learn to behave himself, we have to really hound him to learn."
But thye are forgetting - the reason this kid has imulse control problems is NOT because he hasn't been exposed to all the lessons - it is because, at the moment at least, HE CANNOT LEARN these lessons. All attempts to ram these lessons home, especially using conventional techniques, are not only doomed to failure but are making things far more difficult for all concerned.
This is nasty, it is wrong.
So, now I've been destructive and attacked the school's methods, it is time to be constructive. What can be done, to teach your son self-control?
1) Handle with care. Follow the IEP (I suspect this was another case of difficult child being sleepy and not being allowed to go to sleep - the latest attempt to get around the IEP. Check it out, Shari).
2) If difficult child is beginning to get upset, preferably before it gets to raging stage, get him to a quieter area that is NOT a padded cell. This also needs to be set up ahead of time, and not be seen as punishment of difficult child. He needs to see tis as a place he can go to, to begin to calm himself. If he is tired, for example, saying he is tired, then perhaps he can be taken to the classroom veranda (if there is one) to a slightly quieter place, where his head on the desk is less likelyto distract others/ Prepare him ahead in this way, so he can learn to ask to go there. He can then come back in to class when he is awake and ready.
And a thought on this - could he be falling asleep out of boredom? In which case - maybe early removal to another desk, with a relevant worksheet, could be a better alternative. difficult child 3 did a lot better with a classroom desk plus a work desk in a quiet, distraction-free area nearby. His aide learnt to shuttle him from one to the oter, and to call him back in to the classroom where there was another session of "listen to the teacher talking".
3) Further to reinforce - plan ahead to have less confrontational respite places for him, and avoid the punishment overtones. But yes, he does need to be protected frrom himself and oter kdis need to be protected from being exposedto his outbursts. They need to be gentle and proactive. A sympathetic handling rather than disciplinarian approach, is what is needed.
The trouble is, pretty boy seems not only determined to rid his school of this hassle, but to do it in as firm and bullying a manner as he can get away with. His attitude is the problem and already difficult child is well aware of it. Why was difficult child being nasty to SpEd? That puzzles me, but I suspect the clues lie in who was there talking at him while he was raging, and in what they were saying. All it would take would be words like, "Calm down, difficult child. SeEd wants you back in class, she doesn't like it when you're raging."
If I'd been difficult child, that would have been enough for me to tell whoever was talking to tell SpEd to add her name Occupational Therapist (OT) my hit list.
SpEd and the aides and even pretty boy could be very nice people, but a distressed difficult child will rage and say terriblew things. When he later on says he wants to kill himself, that should be the cue for the aide (or SpEd) to come back in and say, "Come on, that's not right. It's time for us to talk about this." If touching were allowed, this is when he needs a hug.
Sometimes very nice people get it very wrong. And sometimes they're just nasty, narrow-minded people. Sometimes it's a mix. But the main problem is - this boy's needs are being badly mismaanged and there needs to be urgen help.
Shari, you have plenty of ammunition now. Go get an advocate, call someone and ask for advice on your son's rights, also on the school's rights and responsibilities. Then try to present the school with a list of "do not"s and a list of how else to handle him.
Such as sticking to the IEP, that would be a good start.
Marg
It is amazing to me that the county school systems are not required to have more rules and regulations. Children are people to and have to be guided on how to control their emotions, not punished for learning how to deal. Good luck, I hope things get better.
