difficult child wants to Kill Us....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Nov 16, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    should I be worried??

    Well, I am.

    I have found MORE notes in her room that indicate that she is trying to plan ways to kill her parents. Not in that "o gosh my parents make me so mad I could just kill them" sense...

    but in the sense that we are interfering with her lifestyle, we need to stop, so therefore we must die...

    And truthfully, it is only a matter of time before one of these boys she's sleeping with at school can get ahold of his Dad's rifle.

    And before you say anything, I have already shown all kinds of versions of these notes to difficult child's therapist, psychiatrist, SW and other professionals, who all assure me that well, she's only 14 and she would never actually do anything like that--I'm obviously over-reacting.

    So--what do I do?

  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    ER ER ER

    Your "professionals" are over their heads. Are you in a major city or near one? In Chicago there are at least two psychiatric hospitals that you can take your child directly to for an intake evaluation. They would (should) take you seriously.

    I'm sorry I don't remember where you live.
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Keep showing them. Make copies, keep the originals somewhere safe and keep talking to people.

    Show them to the police and file some kind of official report so there is a paper trail.

    Show them this

    [ame="http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4SUNA_enUS261US262&q=children+who+kill+their+parents"]children who kill their parents - Google Search[/ame]

    Kids kill or have others kill for them all the time.

    Raise a stink with them.

    Take precautions. Put good locks on your bedroom door and use them. View the safety within your house as you would if an adult was "after" you.

    Lock up all sharps if you have to...lock up all medications including OTC stuff so she can't dose your food or drink.

    If you can feasibly do it....get her on video talking about it somehow and take THAT to the authorities.

    Take precautions, keep all of you safe and keep plugging along. Someone will listen eventually.

  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Or do what JJJ said.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    We live near Star...and I know she has written about some of the competent professionals SHE has dealt with...

    Last week, after difficult child did not come home--when we finally found her wandering the streets we took her straight back to the psychiatric hospital (which is the crisis center at our hospital), they evaluated her, checked off eight symptoms she was exhibiting for signs of suicidal behaviors, and...

    SENT HER HOME. No admit necessary.

    I called husband at work and we have decided that I should go and talk with the sheriff and at least make a report...
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    DF, how far from a major metro area do you live?
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    We live on the edge of our state...so the closest metro area is out-of-state and they will not accept our state's medicaid. So a lot of great facilities are out of reach that direction

    The other direction, we are a little more than an hour away from a large city. difficult child was hospitalized in that city once last spring....

    I am actually going to place a call to that hospital today and see if we can get anywhere. I'm certainly willing to drive if we can get some help.

  8. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sometimes major metro areas "get it" more than small towns because they have been there done that with other kids like your daughter. I hope you make some headway with your phone calls today.
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Can you "give" DS to your parents or sibling (just for the day, but also just in case)? Then drive difficult child to the big city psychiatric hospital and if they refuse to admit her, refuse to take her home citing fear for your lives. They may cave and admit her or they may call DCFS but your son should be 'safe' because you moved him to grandma's to keep him safe.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DF...I am in NC, medicaid from VA or SC is good for 25 miles into our state, just like NC medicaid is good for 25 miles into SC or VA. So if you were looking at say a place in Charlotte for example...it would be good since Charlotte is on the border. Now Raleigh would be out because of the distance but Charlotte isnt nor is MY town because I am only 17 miles up! Well actually our hospital is at exit 20.

    I actually know that SC uses one of the wilderness camps in NC when they send their kids here. Its about 20 miles from me. East.

    PS...I didnt know you lived so close to me. We must have lunch some day!
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If nobody seriously will take her out of the home, I'd take the writings to the police. Under those circumstances, I do think she may be able to get into a long term residential center. Kids do kill their parents and that sounds scary. (((Hugs))) I'm so sorry.
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I talked to the admissions person at the hospital, and she feels that a short-term "crisis" stay at their facility will not accomplish much, because they will discharge difficult child right back to us in a few days. She gave me a number to call for long-term placement options.

    I called the number she gave me, which turned out to be another "crisis center". That woman gave me a number to another facility.

    Called that number, could not reach a human being....left a message.

    I am going to head out for a few hours. Hopefully there will be some sort of message when I return.

    Thanks for all the advice! I am going to stop by the sheriff's office and just see what they say.

  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    After going thru so much with my difficult child and various psychiatric hospital stays, I would take her back to the ER. Just because they didn't accept her before doesn't mean they won't now- especially if you take the letter and stress to them that you really believe she means this. Going to a different ER might give you a btter chance but it might not- the original one is going to worry about liability I think, if you come in there again so soon with MORE reason to believe she's a danger.

    I agree that the stay won't solve the problem, BUT it can lead to getting written recommendations from a psychiatric hospital that she needs longer term care. That can go a long way in getting her into one and help paying for it. I wouldn't go too much by what people tell you on the phone- from psychiatric hospital or any place else. I was told that the psychiatric hospital here will never relay much over the phone- it takes going in.

    If you have a state psychiatric hospital for kids, find out if they keep kids for more than the typical 5-7 days- even if it''s still called an acute psychiatric hospital. Try to get her into there if they do, either by taking her to their ER or by having your local psychiatric hospital transfer her there. They can do even more for getting her longer term care- not that it will gaurantee anything, but it gives you a better chance. If she's out of the home for 6 weeks or more, she qualifies for a level of medicaid (even if you don't qualify at all) that will pay for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) if a dr (psychiatrist) recommends it- at least in my state.

    Next- I would NOT press charges for this. I would, however, go apply for a CHINS. If you have to file charges for something in order to apply for a CHINS, pick something else- truancy, out past curfew, damage to house, or something else that is rather "minor" as compared to threatening to kill her family members.
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I am so sorry I was not on this weekend. We had our own I want to die crisis. The one here that you took her to before in Cola? Probably not going to be of further help. I really think you could get her some seriously good help by going to the county hospital here locally that would refer her to the state psychiatric facility here in Cola which would really help her. The only other place I can think of is another locked facility near James Island, but that one is really very intense.

    I'm here if you need me - I can't think of any better place and sadly the only other thing I can think to do is when you DO go to the emergency room I would tell them that you are in fear for your life and can NOT allow her to be returned home and stand your ground to the point of allowing them to threaten arresting you. Tell them you are that AFRAID and in fear of reprisal. Explain with the notes that this is NOT A JOKE, she has SERIOUS mental problems. You have another CHILD THAT SHOULD BE ABLE TO SLEEP WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BEING KILLED in his sleep.

    REALLY - REALLY - sometimes you have to let a few tears fall to get people to believe you and not stand there and be the tower of strength that you've come to be.

    Hugs & Love
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    And there was one point where I knew difficult child was quickly deteriorating but I was concerned that he wouldn't be admitted, so I well....he said something that I didn't really think he would try but I relayed it to ER psychiatrist anyway....it got him admitted right away.

    I just remembered something- here, if the kid is taken to an ER where they have no openings and they are qual'd for admission, they are transported to the state psychiatric hospital. Of course, they requires trying to figure out which psychiatric hospital is full and I don't think they can tell you that on the phonee. The other option is the crisis center for a TDO.
  16. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and support. I have no personal experience with this, but wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Also sending hugs and support. Sounds like you're taking the necessary steps to get her help and keep you all safe. Listen to those who have been there done that. Hugs and good luck.
  18. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    OK, here's the update...

    Went to sheriff's office and spoke with a supervisor (who wrote out a report) and officially remanded the incident to Department of Juvenile Justice Investigators.

    The investigator I ending up speaking to was a very nice woman. I explained some of difficult child's history and everything we've been trying to do to get help for her and how we are going in circles with medicaid and our county health facility.

    The investigator replied that she was not was not suprised by our experience and she said that she sees a lot of families get caught in our situation--the child needs help but since they haven't done anything superbad, their case gets no attention.

    After reviewing difficult child's record (simple assault, threatening bodily harm, runaway and now this), the investigator said in her opinion it will take just one more incident--a serious incident--and difficult child will be taken into Department of Juvenile Justice custody and THEN will qualify for mental health assistance thru Department of Juvenile Justice and the state. She recommended calling police if difficult child does anything the slightest bit aggressive, violent or even threatening violence.

    So today...nothing could be done but add another police report to the list.

    Next time, she tells me....we can do something next time.

  19. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yes, this will be our plan for now. We have locked up all the medications (OTC and rx) and we will continue to lock everything down when it is time for bed.
  20. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I don't quite understand the problem myself. My son was admitted to the children's hospital out-of-state last year and they accepted medicaid no problem. However, the neuropsychology dept of that exact same children's hospital would not accept SC medicaid for my daughter.

    It makes no sense...

    by the way--I'd love to have lunch with you one day....but it will have to be a day when I am no longer in "crisis mode". Hopefully, that will be soon!