difficult child was stopped for speeding

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Nancy, Jul 4, 2008.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I got a call yesterday from difficult child telling me she got pulled over for speeding. The police officer got on the phone and told me he asked her to call me so I was aware of what she did. He clocked her at 63 in a 35. He asked if we would handle it at home if he didn't give her a ticket because she had a clean record. I said absolutely. husband and I are amazed that he didn't ticket her.

    After a very stern lecture from both me and husband about all the lives she endangered and the consequences we took her driving privileges away once again.

    The only positive is that she was sobbing when she called me and I could hear her sobbing the whole time I was talking to the police. I think it's a good thing that she got in trouble all on her own and we didn't have to be the ones to turn her in. But sadly once again she doesn't seem to learn by her mistakes.

  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Glad she was sobbing. Hopefully it will make an impression.

    One of their biggest downfalls is not learning from their mistakes. My difficult child is the same. Different mistakes but very self sabotaging.

    On a positive note, there aren't many teens who haven't been pulled over for speeding. No excuse but in the range of normal teen stupidity.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    As Fran said, the nature of our difficult children is that they rarey learn from their mistakes.

    Let's hope the police scare, crying and the removal of driving privilages teaches her a lesson this time.

  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    This could have ended up a lot worse- I hope she realizes that. Not only because off the risk of an accident, but here, if I'm not mistaken, driving more than 20 over the limit is considered reckless driving- and the fine is a lot stiffer. (Don't ask me how I know, please. LOL!)

    Anyway- I'm very glad that nothing worse did happen. Can she get in to a defensive driving class? Sometimes completion can lower insurance cost, and the class can be very effective.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    L crossed over two lanes of traffic and drove her dad's Explorer into the local golf course cyclone fence at a very busy T intersection in the neighborhood and knocked the post out of the ground in a 25 mph zone. She must have blown the stop sign, too. I saw that fence down for a month or two and commented several times upon how irresponsible a driver it was who must have done that!

    I was dumbfounded that the state gave her a license as she had only practiced for a week. But I guess being cute and 18 and wearing a low cut blouse with big - eyes - helps you get a license on the first try when the tester is a man. I had no such luck and had to get a license with my skills!
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's good she was sobbing. Hopefully she will have learned her lesson. I'm glad she is safe and not hurt. Hugs.
  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Wow, Nancy - I'm really surprised she didn't get a ticket. I hope she knows how she lucked out big time on that one, and not to ever expect to get off that light again!

    Unfortunately, I agree that speeding is something we have to learn about through experience. Thank goodness there was no accident involved here, and hopefully this will make her pay more attention to what she's doing. Fingers crossed.

    How's she taking the loss of driving so far?

    Hang in there!
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We explained very clearly to her that the charge would have been reckless driving and that she would have had to go to juvenile court downtown because juveniles are not handled in the community traffic courts. And that would have meant that her Sept 3 date to have her disorderly conduct charges dropped would be in serious jeopardy and she could have gone to detention. And she would have lost her license through the court. We spelled out all the consequences for her.

    Did it make a difference? I don't know. She was stopped for speeding about a month ago and the police let her go....why???? I have no clue. I only overheard about it on a phone conversation she was having with a friend. That didn't teach her anything so I don't have much hope this will either.

    She wanted to drive yesterday and I just about shook her til her eyes popped out. She thinks there should be no consequences and her word should be good enough that she won't speed anymore. I told her that her word hasn't been good on anything else so why should this be different.

  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Could it be because she's cute and 17 and wearing a low cut blouse with big - eyes? There seems to be a lot of that going around with our civil servants. ;)

    You know if this was a teenage boy, he would have gotten a ticket lickety split! Do you guys have photo radar where you are at? I got caught doing 36 in a 25 zone that way, my insurance went up, and the ticket was a hundred dollars. It lightened up my lead foot quite a bit! The insurance went up a lot!
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was feeling rather sorry for her and hoping this was her ONE chance and that she would take it to heart. See...sometimes I read stuff on here about the kids and I remember things that happened to me and I remember how my one chance changed my life. Well...if she was stopped before and it didnt make a difference then I dont hold out much hope.

    I hope I am wrong and that she really thinks it through. Can you guys yank that license since she is under age?
  11. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    So she was stopped twice in a month for speeding and they did not give her a ticket for either? Wow, especially seeing how much over the speed limit she was this time. She must have some good luck.

    Janet - I was told by an officer of the court system here in Ohio all we had to do was send our difficult child's license to the state and she would have to wait until she was 18 to get them back. Of course, we had bigger issues than just her driving at 17.
  12. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Me? I would yank that license and park that vehicle till I am not sure when. SPeeding that much over? ouch, someone, a pedstrian, a child, o someones beloved pet could have gotten maimed or killed. I do not think I could live with myself if my child caused something like that, no matter whether my child could live with it. I consider driving a privelege, and it carries heavy responsibility, and any lapse in judgement can carry harsh consequences. A car is a lethal weapon, potentially. I doubt I would permit a 2nd chance. As permissive as I can be about some things, this? Nope.
    Seems to me, wasn't it all not so long ago, there was some issue or problem related to alcohol or some drug or something, too?
    Going 5 over speed limit is one thing, going that much over is another story entirely.
    And here? A kid arrested for ANYTHING< even if it is not related to driving? the state now suspends their license or blocks them from getting their license. There have simply been far too many kids killed, paralyzed, maimed, etc here.it created our TV station and several newspapers to do a huge 2 yr long special about it....and they changed our teen driving laws dramatically - I think last year.

    My difficult child does NOT drive- too impulsive, too anxious, altho she has never had any outbursts of violence. and she has no alcohol or substance issues. easy child drives but it costs her PLENTY.....due to husband, her car insurance is very very expensive, and she must pay it herself.....$400 a month, and had to keep her grades good. Whether my son will drive at age 16,17,18 or at all is still up in the air. And it will not only be if the state allows him to. I KNOW many people our state permits to drive that should not in my humble opinion be driving......(some due to horrible driving records, some due to various health reasons)
    No, we do not have public transportation here, no busses, no taxi cabs, and teen drivers are limited and can only haave one passenger.....I do not care....I am VERY strict re driving. A car is a powerful weapon, and can cause serious injury to innocent victims shareing the roads (or pedestrians) Our HS has buried enough kids, and there are too many kids here in day treatment trying to cope with guilt of injuring others or killing them- most recent, a friend of easy child got hit by a car en way to school bus stop, by another kid in his neighborhood. The injured kid got a brroken neck. All becuz his neighbor was going 20 over on the residential street in a hurry to get to school.
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Witz, she had on a tank top and she's rather well endowed, in fact almost dolly parton style. I don't know if it was a combination of that and her sobbing (which was not an act) or something else. My husband is an attorney and he can't figure it out either. He thinks it is perhaps because it would have been sent downtown to juvenile court and he would have to appear for her hearing and since she had a clean record they would probably not do much and any fine would not go back to his suburb but would go to the city and therefore it was better to let the parents handle it if he was confident we would.

  14. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Someone at the boards had a child who had to have special drivers ed due to a neurological issue? Was it your child? The one who got stopped for speeeding?
  15. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Since this was her second stop in less than a month, I think I would have been inclined to tell the officer to give her the ticket. She deserved it.

    No matter what, I'd be very careful to hide all car keys and find a way to make her car completely undrivable for at least the rest of the summer.

    Sounds like she's learning that tears, being female and acting contrite will get her out of a few jams. I hate to think what's going to happen to her when it doesn't work.
  16. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dreamer, I appreciate your thoughts and have many of the same concerns. However in eleven months she will be 18 and not need our permission to drive. We are hopeing to instill some responsibility in her before that happens. Even her psychiatrist said she needed to get her drivers license. We waited a long time past her legal age to allow it just because of our concerns. We have done everything humanly possible to be responsible in this situation including taking the keys for any violation of our rules.

  17. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    a lot can occur in 11 months. Is the doctor willing to take full legal and moral responsibility for her actions until then? Sure the state, or a cop, or a doctor can give their opinion and input, but, sometimes we have to exercise parental authority. I know I would not want the financial risk of a child of mine hurting other people or property, and here, if one of my kids did, it would be on my financial plate, as well.if that child is under age 18. Me, I would do it after ONE instance, but she has had 2 here...... and in a very short time frame....and speeding that much over the limit is not simple carelessness like 5 mph over is.
    And I guess I worry.....I sure would not want to be the innocent victim walking on the road or shareing the roads driving MY car with your child if she is gonna have such blatant disregard. I also would not want my tax money paying a policeofficer to just let it go that way. I gues Ihope if she does hit something, LOL- maybe she can brush her docs car and not mine? Then let the doctor say she should have her license? That is just WAY too much over the speed limit......and way too soon since her other stop for speeding. Forgive me for not wanting to be a victim or wanting anyone I love put in danger just cuz her doctor thinks she should have her license.
  18. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    You know, the cop did her no favor. She isn't going to experience the natural consequences of her actions. Instead, she got a pass. The natural consequences of her actions is that she could have injured/killed someone or she could have gotten an expensive ticket, an increase in insurance and a bunch of points if not lose her licence.

    Instead she got artificial consequences -- punishment by her parents. Big deal. You can understand that her thinking is that the way she drives isn't so bad or the cop(s) wouldn't let her go. Frankly, I think that a cop who lets a kid get away with driving 30 mph over the speed limit -- when that is almost twice the speed limit -- is hardly protecting the public or doing the kid a favor. We have one community here in our county where the police let the kids go no matter what they do as long as they live in that community. It seems to be a characteristic of the most affluent areas. Keeps the kids from getting in legal trouble but only serves to reinforce their sense of entitlement. I hope that's not what's happening in your community. Sad how shocked those kids are when they do something wrong in another community where the police don't care who they are or where they live.
  19. tawnya

    tawnya New Member


    I am one who is sitting here with my easy child, and yes I do have a difficult child,too...Anyway, easy child got stopped about a year ago for going 65 in a 30, or so they say...I made her go to court and she was scared to death. As it turns out, the cop never showed up so it was thrown out -- as was the $150 ticket.

    I'm just saying that it doesn't have to be difficult children that get caught speeding. It does make me mad, though, that he let her off. How else will she learn?

    Stay strong, warrior mom.
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Nancy, I'm glad the cop pulled her over, at any rate. Cops save lives doing that. They're not out there to make friends.
    Having said that, witzend took the words right out of my mouth--is she cute? Hey, cops are human, too. :) And you pretty much explained that one.
    How long will you keep the keys? Does she have to practice driving with-you in some manner to show she can keep her speed under control?
    Our easy child has only had her lic. a few wks and a new car 3 wks and hasn't gotten pulled over ... yet. I'm taking notes from everyone on this bb ...