That kind of circular argument is very familiar. You've said many times he won't cooperate with further evaluations. And you know you likely don't have the big picture.
When kids don't get cause and effect a visual time line can help. There are lots of ways to do that depending on their level.
Many kids who mostly can only see their own perspective will honestly twist things this way. It's true afterall, if he always got his way he'd be happier. Not saying it's ok. Just that it feels that way to them. His exact words are said by Q.
When I get to a point where consequences really are making things worse for Q and harder on me...well obviously that's not the goal.
I then think of ways he can earn back. He needs a concrete and positive way to have hope and to obtain his wants. Taking things away alone is not teaching him the skills to do better and its frustrating you.
The issue is safety and trust. What can he do to demonstrate that?
For example....You want him to clean something? You trust him to do it by a certain time, with no threats that make people feel uncomfortable. ( don't get overly picky about perfect cleaning but of course it needs to be done good enough, maybe with cues)
Or walking a dog or laundry chores, basement clean up, whatever.
He needs immediate rewards of some kind to help get him through. Things that are important to him.
I totally understand wanting to take things away for a long time. I took NASCAR away from Q for a full season once. I'd had it. Guess what? It did nothing but create conflict.
Until you really know how his brain is wired, I imagine punishment alone is only going to increase stress and negative behaviors.
Right now he operates on....I want something and if it doesn't happen my way, I'm overwhelmed and flooded with feelings. Brain chemicals are probably flooding him and he pops off.
Obtaining wants is a common trigger for differently wired kids. And if it involves an obsession, thats a huge trigger.
His telling you he is going to get more aggressive sounds like a threat, and it is in the real world so he needs to learn better skills.
But....it also may just be honestly telling you that's how he is feeling. He is that desperate and as Q once said, it feels like his brain is going to explode.
Just thoughts I had. I've been in your shoes so many times. I've tried it many ways. You have to decide for yourself of course.
Hugs and understanding ....Dee
