difficult child wrote gfgbf a letter...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Jan 21, 2008.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hahahaha, oh, I can't get up off the floor, I'm laughing sooooo hard....hahahahahahaha.....

    difficult child didn't hang out with her monkeyboy (MB) on Sat night because as she said, "he's p***ing me off" so she hung with a friend I've never met named Tina. She met Tina through monkeyboy by the way.

    So yesterday she's dressed like it's August in a tank top (with a chest infection she's not taking care of!) and complaining that she has no money to get her nails done. I told her to use the GC she received from H to get a manicure. She said she doesn't do manis - she needs tips! Haha, that was my first laugh of the day and my first tip off of the morning that something was amiss in difficult child-world.

    She then found a check that her paternal gramma had given her for Christmas in the amount of $25. H cashed it for her - gave her a $50 and expected change. I told him not to get his hopes up. But later I look at the check and it's a check that she got back in December 2005!!! My second laugh of the day.

    difficult child and her BFF are off to the nail place, but not before difficult child spend a few moments at the computer furiously typing away. I thought she was IM-ing with monkeyboy. After she left, I was trying to snoop on her AIM by pulling up the names of people she talks to - I got nothing. Then I noticed that a WORD doctor was open and there it was...the letter to monkeyboy. This was my biggest laugh of the day (actually, it was the check from 2005 that H got stiffed on).

    In this letter she states to MB that "she's grown really close with her family over the past few months (??) and now her family comes first and that if he wants to be with her, then he has to expect to spend some time with her family at her family's house. She told him that the reason he's not comfortable at her house is because they are always at his house or Tinas." So, I'm thinking, Wow, this is good to read...even if her actions speak louder than words which essentially means she's just yanking his chain...it still was nice to read.

    Next paragraph is where it get real interesting. Apparently MB is planning on becoming a pot dealer because his attempts at securing an actual paying job somewhere, anywhere, have been fruitless...so he figures he can make more money faster if he deals pot. In difficult child's letter she says to him that she understands he smokes pot - a lot - but wishes he wouldn't smoke it so much and especially hopes that he does not deal it. She told him that smoking it and dealing it were very different things and she wasn't sure if she could be with someone who deals it. Now I'm practically cheering out loud for having such a smart difficult child and thinking that she's finally growing up!!

    In the next paragraph she then goes on to tell him "how special he is to her, how he's the only boyfriend she could ever just lay with and talks to her and tells her his feelings. He's the only one who genuinely cared for her when she had her seizures (I have NO IDEA what she is talking about!!) and how he's so gentle and nice with her and not afraid to tell her the truth - even if it hurts. She loves being with him and wants things to work out."

    Ugh, pass the barf bag, please!

    Why do women do this? They start the letter off real strong, get it all out on the table, tell the guy what they need and want, and then they end it all mushy and leave wiggle room. If the guy thinks that he's your new God, how is he ever going to take the rest of the stuff you said seriously?? Now, I want to slap difficult child in the head. And I'm mad because her excuse to see MB last night was that they could discuss her letter in detail.

    The seizures she refers to are not seizures - they are her passing out because her 'meals' consist of caffeine by way of coffee and soda, cigarettes, an occasional bagel and an occasional bowl of brocolli soup. My difficult child hardly eats. She's been sick for months with a chest thing and forgets to take her antibiotics. Her Dr wanted her to go for an EEG and I refused. Why? Because we've had one done - last year when she was passing out for the same thing and the EEG determined that she was fine. There is no seizure activity going on. There is abuse going on by difficult child to her own body and that's all. Her DR even agreed with me!! I asked DR why she told difficult child to get another EEG and she said she thought it might scare difficult child into taking better care of herself. I said, "NO, it will only make difficult child eat up all the attention an EEG would bring her!!!" I was furious over that one.

    ANYWAY, when difficult child was telling me about how she told her MB that she needed to spend more time with her family (because we are so important to her now), I asked her about the pot dealing. She said, "You read the letter"...Um, yes, duh, you left it open on the computer!" She laughed and then said that she's trying to convince MB not to become a dealer.

    Here is where I am really proud of myself: I put up my hands and said...

    "difficult child, H and I would support you 100% if you went back to school and chose a vocation/career path. You need to ask yourself where you want to be in ONE year, and then 5 years. If you choose to be with MB, and he gets busted for anything, you will be dragged into it. Right at this moment you have a choice to make about MB. Either you willingly hang out with someone who is dealing pot, which is illegal, or you don't. If you get into trouble with MB, you are on your own. H and I will not be able to help you, so think very carefully about what you choose for yourself. I love you - good luck"...

    and then I left the room. difficult child told me she loved me, gave me a hug, and left to go talk with MB. I have no idea how it went because I was asleep when she got home last night and honestly, I don't expect anything has changed. But I am so happy that I was able to get that out to her and walk away.
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I think your restraint was nothing more that miraculous -

    And I think your powers of investigation (while crude)lol are SPOT on. Except for the part where you confess - ADMIT NOTHING .

    Maybe that's how you should communicate to her - type out your feelings and leave it on her open file - lol???

    As far as Tina? BFF? ummmm no. Outside the innercircle Auntie Star sees that MB may have something for Tina - so the best way to make sure that Tina and MB never "hook up" is to make Tina the new BFF - keep your friends close and enemies closer screams to me from her letter. "Lets not hang out at Tinas so much" um...now you ARE? hmmm

    And as far as MB doing the dealer thing - OH GOOD a career move! I think he had aspirations of being a pimp daddy - and when difficult child sniffed the wind about Tina - she cut that career short - so he's settled for being a dealer. He's a real go getter!

    -with feelings.....roflmao - he listens to her? Well he can't be dealing pot all the time. (pass another barf bag)

    -and she has seizures? Um....no, she's setting herself up as a narcissistic, victim - FEEL SORRY FOR ME - I HAVE seizures - truth be told - if you HAVe seizures - you don't get to drive a car - so unless MB just crawled out from under a rock - that disorder needs to change - hand her a DSM and tell her to pick something that will REALLY get some attention like - Rickits - eventually she may get 'em. Very bad.

    Jo - I'm so sorry your post was my laugh of the morning....

    And you ask why women start off like a thundering warrior goddess and end up a kiester kissing fool? It's to show MB that while she means business - she has tender qualities that are to be cherished. Loosely put - she's wishy washy, and clueless. If she ever did tell him what she thought - as the strong daughter she CAN be for (bad things) he would run for the hills, dismiss thoughts of dealing, and lay rose petals out for her to walk on as she went to the restroom, kitchen, her car -oh does she still have a car with seizure disorder? Bad Mommy - you should take her car keys away. lol 6 months with a doctors orders to drive after you have ONE! So she's going to be walking for a while huh? LOL

    All in all - I really LOVED that she knew you read the letter and you got the I love you Mom accolade! You deserve that times 100000000000000000 for your daily grind with her -

    Too bad she hasn't figured out how really amazing she can be. Hope she dumps MBPD (monkey boy pot dealer)

  3. DiC

    DiC New Member

    Wow, JoG, I want to be like you when I get on my feet with my difficult child!
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm with Star. NEVER ADMIT A THING. lol

    My kids STILL don't have a clue as to my sources or how I find things out. They're still a little shakey on whether I know everybody in the whole town or if I'm just psychic. lol

    I dunno why girls do this with guys. But I do know that I was one of those girls for years with husband. Then I finally wised up and meant business. I've done my best to teach my girls not to do this in their relationships. easy child got it loud and clear. Nichole didn't, but is learning much faster than I did.

    I love how you managed to get that "choose the right path" thing in there with the I love you. Even if difficult child doesn't chose to listen at the moment hopefully it'll keep playing in the back of her mind and one day she'll think "Wow, I don't need this".

    I think star hit the nail on the head with new bff. Sounds like we're keeping all possible competition within our sights. lol

    Great job.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    DiC - I am sick of it and if you were able to read any old posts, you'd see that it's been two steps forward one step back for me for a long while now. We can all hope to be the kind of parent who can detach with love, but some of our difficult child's make it near impossible. I am at a point of self preservation and needing difficult child to understand the meaning of "learning the hard way", as I think it's the only way some of us can learn (myself included!).

    Star and Lisa, It doesn't even matter if difficult child knows how or where I read the letter - the girl is stupid. She leaves it on the computer, still open. Our computer is in the living room and no one can get in or out of that room without glancing at least at the computer. It would be hard to miss no matter what. And although she has done this in the past and that's how H or I have learned things, she continuously does it. I personally think she WANTS me to see it just so she has an adult person to bounce things off of once in a while. She also knows that I'm at a point where I can't control her or make her stop hanging out with these kids or MB.

    On another post somewhere someone said, "It is what it is" and that's been my motto for a while now. It is what it is - difficult child is old enough and smart enough to know better. The rest is up to her. I feel she's at a pivotal point in her mini-adulthood and she's walking a tightrope. (by the way, I call it mini adulthood because she's still so immature, but has the power of being 18).