Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Difficult child.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759634" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with Waitingforamiracle. He's 16. A minor. You're obligated to house and feed him, under most conditions. The thing that most of us learn, however, is that nothing we do or don't do will teach them a lesson if they are unwilling or indifferent to learning. But you can learn. You are the one that needs boundaries. Not that he will learn. He won't until he wants to. But you may gain control of your own space. You deserve that.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like he is not open to treatment. Or anything else except doing what he wants to do when he wants it. So it would be more money thrown down a hole, by doing more of the same. What many of us come to is that the only way through this is protecting ourselves, our belongings, and our home.</p><p></p><p>The other thing I am thinking of is involving the school. He's got an IEP. Maybe you can get some kind of a behavioral program written into his IEP. Or maybe he can be transferred away from his girlfriend, and other friends who may be poor influences. You may feel this is rash. It may be, but everything needs to be on the table. He is running wild. He needs to be curbed. (Maybe I've gone off the deep end, I don't know.) But I am sick of these kids that are on the rampage.</p><p></p><p>The girlfriend colluded with him, with the car. Who else gave him the key? He didn't steal it. I would not be so quick to take full financial responsibility. Perhaps even the parents were involved. We don't know, one way or another. I wouldn't make this easy for anybody. (Gosh, I'm sounding extreme. But I mean it.)</p><p></p><p>He can't be allowed to scream at you and abuse you with impunity. That has got to stop, whatever way you can. But it's especially difficult for a female alone. Trying to curb him may generate physical aggressivity towards you. And I raised my son alone. When he began to buck me, I would haul him into the police station or call the police to the house. And I never stopped doing it. I don't think it helped to change him but I believe it helped that it not get worse. Children should not abuse their parents!</p><p></p><p>I don't know where you live, but in the United States, there is a federal jobs program for youth called Job Corps. They take kids at 16. The sites are all over the country. It is free. They are well-supervised. It's room and board and excellent entry-level vocational training. They can finish high school there. My son went. He hated it. I loved it. I don't know the status of admissions now, due to Covid. One parent here called and there was a temporary pause, but that was already more than 6 months ago, If your child doesn't want to conform to living in your home and obeying your simple, reasonable rules, let him live there. His choice. You do have options.</p><p></p><p>All of us welcome you. We understand all too well how hard this is. There is no judgment here. Every.single.person here knows what you are up against. Every word I write comes from that place, knowing all too well how this feels.</p><p></p><p>Personally, I think your son needs to make some sort of restitution for the car. He broke the law driving that car without insurance. At least in my state, it would be breaking the law. It may well be that you are legally responsible. But that doesn't mean that you need to take away the consequence for him, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Best of luck to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759634, member: 18958"] I agree with Waitingforamiracle. He's 16. A minor. You're obligated to house and feed him, under most conditions. The thing that most of us learn, however, is that nothing we do or don't do will teach them a lesson if they are unwilling or indifferent to learning. But you can learn. You are the one that needs boundaries. Not that he will learn. He won't until he wants to. But you may gain control of your own space. You deserve that. It sounds like he is not open to treatment. Or anything else except doing what he wants to do when he wants it. So it would be more money thrown down a hole, by doing more of the same. What many of us come to is that the only way through this is protecting ourselves, our belongings, and our home. The other thing I am thinking of is involving the school. He's got an IEP. Maybe you can get some kind of a behavioral program written into his IEP. Or maybe he can be transferred away from his girlfriend, and other friends who may be poor influences. You may feel this is rash. It may be, but everything needs to be on the table. He is running wild. He needs to be curbed. (Maybe I've gone off the deep end, I don't know.) But I am sick of these kids that are on the rampage. The girlfriend colluded with him, with the car. Who else gave him the key? He didn't steal it. I would not be so quick to take full financial responsibility. Perhaps even the parents were involved. We don't know, one way or another. I wouldn't make this easy for anybody. (Gosh, I'm sounding extreme. But I mean it.) He can't be allowed to scream at you and abuse you with impunity. That has got to stop, whatever way you can. But it's especially difficult for a female alone. Trying to curb him may generate physical aggressivity towards you. And I raised my son alone. When he began to buck me, I would haul him into the police station or call the police to the house. And I never stopped doing it. I don't think it helped to change him but I believe it helped that it not get worse. Children should not abuse their parents! I don't know where you live, but in the United States, there is a federal jobs program for youth called Job Corps. They take kids at 16. The sites are all over the country. It is free. They are well-supervised. It's room and board and excellent entry-level vocational training. They can finish high school there. My son went. He hated it. I loved it. I don't know the status of admissions now, due to Covid. One parent here called and there was a temporary pause, but that was already more than 6 months ago, If your child doesn't want to conform to living in your home and obeying your simple, reasonable rules, let him live there. His choice. You do have options. All of us welcome you. We understand all too well how hard this is. There is no judgment here. Every.single.person here knows what you are up against. Every word I write comes from that place, knowing all too well how this feels. Personally, I think your son needs to make some sort of restitution for the car. He broke the law driving that car without insurance. At least in my state, it would be breaking the law. It may well be that you are legally responsible. But that doesn't mean that you need to take away the consequence for him, in my opinion. Best of luck to you. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Difficult child.
Top