difficult children 21st birthday!!!

[toughlovin]

Hi all,

Well I know we had a couple of birthdays yesterday and today is my sons 21st birthday!!! I am trying to keep busy doing fun stuff so the sadness does not engulf me. I cant believe that on his 21st birthday I may not even talk to him!! I dont really know where he is or what he is doing... he has not been on FB. I did go on and wish him Happy Birthday on FB and send him a private message. My hope is that he will know others will message him so he will find a library and at least get my messages. It just makes me so darned sad and worried!! Who would have thought 21 years ago (we actually were still waiting for him but 4 days later he was in my arms) that we would be in the situation we are in now? Gosh it just makes me want to cry. I have been feeling depressed the last couple of days and I think a big part of it was knowing this was coming.... so I am doing what I can to keep busy until tomorrow!

TL

 

[lovemysons]

Gentle hugs...I hope you hear from him soon.
LMS

 

[recoveringenabler]

I really know how you feel and I'm sorry you do. I hope you hear from him today so your mind can rest. Gentle hugs coming your way..........

 

[PatriotsGirl]

(((HUS))) I soooo know how you feel....happy birthday to your difficult child!

 

[Signorina]

{{{hugs}}}

Thinking of you and hoping that next year you are celebrating together.

 

[SuZir]

[[Hugs]]

I hope you hear from him soon. And that his next birthday will be better.

There is this Christmas carol, 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' which original lyrics have consoled me in many significant days and holidays that had not been what I would hope for. It's more popular with newer and, to me, much less poignant lyrics, but I just love the last verse from original:

"Someday soon, we all will be together
If the fates allow
Until then, well have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now."

 

[Nancy]

I'm sorry your heart is hurting TL. Birthdays are always difficult, it brings up so many emotions. And especially for you now, not knowing where your son is or if he is OK. I wish somehow something could make it easier but keeping busy is probably a good thing. On days like this I keep telling myself, it's just one day, tomorrow it will be over. I do that for holidays too.

Sending hugs of understanding my friend,
Nancy

 

[Calamity Jane]

TL,
First, happy 21st birthday to your son. This is a difficult day - not the way any of us would've imagined you'd be spending it 21 yrs. ago. There are many chapters in life, and we can't see ahead of us. Love is all that matters, and I agree with Suz that we often have to "muddle through somehow." I know he'll get your message, and if he can, he will contact you. My heart breaks for him and for you, until he is whole and you can celebrate properly. May he begin now to walk that road that leads him to sobriety, peace and healing.

 

[toughlovin]

I did get a FB message from my son. He is apparantly travelling with a friend. He did say he missed us and thanked me for the birthday wishes. So he didnt say much but at least he got in touch and did not sound depressed. Of course its hard to tell but it is a relief to hear something.

TL

 

[lovemysons]

TL,
I'm so glad your son didn't sound depressed. I know just getting that message must have been a great relief.
I do wonder where he is "traveling" too? Do you have any idea?

LMS

 

[recoveringenabler]

So glad he got in touch with you, you can rest a little easier now............have a calm and peaceful day...........(((HUGS))))

 

[Nancy]

I'm glad you heard from him TL. Does that mean he is no longer in the area where you sent the phone? Does he know you are trying to get it to him?

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

Well he is being cagey at best.... he was in LA and is now headed North so he says and that is all I know!! i dont know how far he is or if he will go back to LA....so I have no idea if he will be able to get the phone or not. I did mention it in one of my messages to him so I have to assume he knows about it.

I hope he is not headed back here..... I could see that being the case. I have not told him there is a warrant out for his arrest here and dont really want to do that via FB. If he is headed back here they have a long trip since we are on the East coast and he is on the West. I have no idea what they are doing for money or transportation or in fact anything and maybe to be honest i dont want to know.

So it is a weird place to be... I dont know where he is, or who he is with, or even for sure if it is him sending me the messages. I just have to assume it is. I have decided not to ask any questions because if he doesnt want to answer them he wont and might stop keeping in contact. So I just hope he stays in touch so I know he is alive... and I am hoping that somehow this is his way of finding himself and growing up by being really on his own.

It is clear I have to keep working on taking care of myself and moving on in my life... and that is easier to do when I have heard from him and know he is alive.

So right now he does not have the phone... but he knows how to get it and my friend out there will hold on to it for now.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers for him.

TL