difficult child's 3-Hour Pass - and husband's Revelation

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by On_Call, May 20, 2007.

  1. On_Call

    On_Call New Member

    Well, social worker said difficult child had earned a pass for an off-campus visit with us and she would set it up so we could use it either Saturday or Sunday. She even told difficult child, so he was pretty excited.

    We went yesterday about 4:00, figuring we could take difficult child to dinner and to WalMart so he could get some shorts, etc. Got to psychiatric hospital and, lo and behold, social worker and psychiatrist for inpatient never officially set it up - never wrote the order. Head nurse on duty was awesome - called her supervisor who called the on-call dr. who came over to psychiatric hospital and did an official order. At 5:00, we were able to go out for our 3-hour pass. Thank God the staff is way more amazing than the social worker. (When difficult child is discharged, I plan to figure out how to handle the social worker issue, diplomatically of course :wink: ). If difficult child is admitted again in the future, I will be requesting he be assigned a different social worker, to say the least. She is always telling me how swamped she is - asking me to make calls she is responsible for - and quick to tell me that difficult child never mentions going home to her during their sessions. Not to mention that she never has the answers to my questions, nor does she get the answers to them on a frequent basis. She also put us in for wraparound services back in November, which she never followed through on.

    Anywho, difficult child chose Burger King :crazy2: for dinner and then we went to get some shorts. The 3 hours flew by and went amazingly well. difficult child and easy child interacted well together. difficult child even tried clothes on without the usual stomping of the feet, etc. Got him a magazine and some things he needed and we took him back about 10 minutes early, because he was starting to worry about the time.

    He said his goodbyes to husband and easy child and I walked him in. It was hard having him out and then sending him back, but he took it well and I came out to the vehicle, only to find husband crying. He said he doesn't know how I do it - how I bring him to the e.r. and then admit him. It has been always been me that has experienced the extremely bad emotional breakdowns, the e.r. 13-hour marathon admits, the inpatient admits. I have told him about it, but he has never actually experienced leaving difficult child at the facility and coming out without him.

    He told me that I am one of the strongest people he has ever met and that difficult child was lucky to have me because he doesn't think he could do it, although he agrees that it is the best thing for difficult child. I have only seen husband cry a few other times. This was a real breakthrough for him to have these kinds of feelings and to express them out loud. We had an amazing discussion all the way home.

    After all of these years - I think he gets it. How amazing is that?

    On another note, it looks like it is probable that difficult child will be discharged on Tuesday after a rushed CSE meeting Tuesday afternoon. I have mixed feelings about that - and it looks like it may be an ugly battle with our sd, but I have LOTS of folks on my side at the facility, so hopefully it won't be as bad as I anticipate. We'll see about that - but haven't mentioned discharge date to difficult child until we concretely know what's going on.

    Just had to share this emotional roller coaster ride with you all. Thanks for listening!
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    That's wonderful. And he's right because you are a strong person. I hope Tuesday goes well! :warrior:
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Jamie (Have I mentioned I love your name!)

    I can imagine how emotional it was to see your husband cry like that. Sometimes it takes fathers a bit to understand just how hard it is on moms to deal with these things. They know theoretically what we do but until they really experience it first hand they just dont get it.

    My kids father has always been right here beside me as far as getting it that the kids had problems. He never denied it or said that "not his boys." I was lucky there. He told off his family when they made comments about how they wouldnt medicate kids. He asked them if they were willing to take the boys unmedicated and when there were no takers he said...didnt think so. Heck...there were no takers even medicated...lmao.

    But even though he stood beside me in all the decisions I made and knew that we had problems he didnt fully get how hard it was to go to all the meetings, do all the admits, deal with all the assorted people until we ended up in a psychiatric ward like you. The walking away and leaving him behind got to him too. I think the worst time for him was when he was in the long term locked Residential Treatment Center (RTC) though. We simply never knew what was going to happen from week to week and that was hard. I was more able to detach at that time than husband was.

    Glad your husband was able to understand your side now. It will bring you closer together. Hold close to that. Its a good thing.
  4. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    It is great when our husbands realize all that we do and get the emotional side of things. I'm glad he realized what it is that you go through and he has a new appreciation for you.
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Wow, your husband's revelation just made me cry! Wow! If I could only have one person in my family say that to me, I could die a happy person. You have a keeper of a husband!
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's great husband understands now. How nice that he realizes how strong you are. Hugs.
  7. panda

    panda New Member

    i am sitting here crying, i am so happy that your husband realises how strong you have to be to deal with the everyday struggles of having difficult child's lots of hugs sent your way!
  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    How wonderful that husband gets it now. That has to feel very freeing for you.

    I hope things go well on Tuesday. Keep us posted.
  9. ROE

    ROE New Member

    It's great that you and husband had this "heart to heart talk" and that he expressed his appreciation for you. I bet it felt good hearing it.

    I hope things go well on Tuesday.
  10. On_Call

    On_Call New Member

    I have to admit that seeing him cry made me cry. I'm a much more emotional person than he is anyway.

    He has always supported me and the decisions involving difficult child has been sort of team decisions, but to have his open 'endorsement' was kind of nice after all of this time. We even talked about what it felt like to sit in the e.r. for 12+ hours and then leave difficult child in the middle of the night at psychiatric hospital and drive home alone. He said he had a new appreciation for it and cannot imagine doing it himself.

    I am hoping, after all this time, that this revelation is a new beginning of sorts, if that makes any sense. I have always had his support, but it seems a bit different now.

    Thanks everyone!
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Sorry I missed this yesterday. It's wonderful that husband had that light bulb moment.