difficult child's boyfriend's exg/mother to his children-need a prayer...Update

[hearts and roses]

We were invited to difficult child's boyfriend's(E) 30th birthday party last evening and we met his entire family. The sweetest, kindest parents EVER and his siblings (4 out of 7) were present with their spouses/SO's and children. As I looked around and saw this loving family, I was just struck by it all and had to step outside - I got all teary-eyed because I had to wonder why E's ex (mother of his children, S) would not allow him to have his children so they could celebrate their father's birthday with his family and see all their aunts and uncles and cousins and have fun. Who could be so evil?

As E was opening up his cards and gifts, he opened a card and it was from the ex and his two boys. Why would she do that to him? He was so tortured by their absence that he actually had to leave the room. I tapped difficult child and sent her after him - she said he was very upset. His mom, God bless her, had the boys decorate some gift bags for their dad's birthday and filled them with gifts for E. E said he'd look at them later. It was clearly too emotional for him.

Another thing that struck me is that difficult child loves his family and they all appeared to love her as well. Everyone came over to her and gave her big hugs. I thought, "Wow, my little difficult child did good...she went from hideous Monkeyboy to this...it really touched me. At one point, the newest family member, a little 4 week old angel was placed into difficult child's arms. She was so nervous and after a while she looked up at me and said, "I want one" with sadness. Turns out E had a vasectomy after his youngest was born. I told her not to worry about that now, there are ways around that later when she and E are ready.

Whatever E and S's history was it's just that - a part of the past. I wish S could realize the damage she's causing by withholding those boys from being a part of E's family. My God - truly, the love and support between all the family members was overwhelming. Apparently the custody court date is in 2 weeks - I'm hoping things can be resolved at that time.

 

[KTMom91]

Hugs and prayers going out. Hope the hearing goes well.

 

[busywend]

That is rotten. I hope they can get it cleared up soon so she has no choice but to allow the boys to see their father. So sad.

 

[Shari]

Praying for those boys.

 

[gcvmom]

Sadly, some people use their kids as a way to express their pain and try to hurt the other party during a divorce. Problem is that it hurts more than the ex in the long run...
(((Hugs)))

 

[DammitJanet]

I hate that sort of junk.

 

[susiestar]

((((((((((hugs and prayers))))))))))

It should be criminal for a parent to do that to the other parent of their child. Wouldn't you think if you loved your child you would want them to have as many people who love them in their life as possible? It is just so WRONG for the mother of his kids to do this to THEM. Not just the kids, to ALL of them.

Sadly, by limiting the amount of love that the children receive, the mother is limiting the amount of love they have to give to HER.

We went through this with a cousin of mine. Her mother and our gma HATED each other. The only person who was really hurt by their hate was my cousin.

I am glad that difficult child has made such a good choice for her partner. Babies can come later, it isn't something she should worry about now. Regardless of what he had done. I have a a cousin who almost divorced his wife because three years after he had a vasectomy she got pregnant. Boy did he eat a LOT of humble pie after the DNA test his wife demanded showed that it was his baby. So it doesn't mean that the two of them will not ever have a child together. It will likely take a HUGE amount of trust on his part to have a child with another woman. The mother of his first children has done all she could to use them as weapons to hurt him and he is going to have to deal with the issues that causes before he should have another child.

Sending many prayers that the judge can see that what this woman is doing with her children is very damaging to those children - in my opinion it is abuse of the nature and degree that should result in complete loss of custody and only supervised visitation - NOT supervised by a member of her family. She is teaching these kids that their father is in some way bad, which will mean, to them, that they are at least half bad. It would shock me if the kids didn't already feel unsure of her love on some level. If she can become that vicious to someone she loved, what is to keep her from turning on her children?? In the kids' hearts and minds there is a fear of this already. She should be horsewhipped.

 

[ML]

I really pray that the custody meeting goes in the right direction. It's not fair to those kids or to the family that misses them. I'm proud of difficult child. It really seems like she is growing up!

 

[hearts and roses]

Thanks for your support. I just keep thinking 'karma' and try to let it go.

difficult child came by tonight. She had to work late and E had the boys for dinner. E called difficult child because his youngest wanted to talk to difficult child. When she got on the phone the little guy was crying because he thought they were having dinner all together. She felt bad but it's also a lot of pressure.

difficult child also told me that E has his physical next week and plans on asking how complicated it would be to reverse a vasectomy when they're ready. Aiyee!!! Thankfully difficult child said SHE is not ready for that yet.

I just keep praying for a good court resolution at the very least so those boys can enjoy time with E and his family. Thanks again.

 

[Jena]

jo

i'm so sorry i missed this one. sounds like difficult child did do very well for herself i'm glad to hear that they love her that way. i would of been overwhelmed just by that, nevermind the story of his kids and all. wow. so sad. i really hope things turn out well. it's hard for dad's when it comes to custody unfortunately. as far as vasectomy reversal he doesnt' have to have it reversed. pm me if you want to know. husband was going to have it done at one point when i was crazy thinking i wanted more lol

 

[nvts]

It kills me to hear that someone would keep these kids from a loving, dedicated dad. I've tried over and over again to get AH to just visit with them, and it never comes to fruition. Terribly sad...

Beth

 

[witzend]

Jo, I'm so sorry. It's just an awful thing for everyone when people behave this way. I think that even the things that are so subtle and the children don't remember, the adults are so tortured by it that they never forget and they carry it with them and the children know the anguish if not the "why". I wish I had words of advice, but there's none to give to the people like E who suffer the cruelties of monsters like S. All you can do is hope that it's over with and they will stop sooner rather than later.