difficult child's boyfriend's exgfg (mother of his children) assualted difficult child this morning~

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Oct 7, 2010.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    This morning as my difficult child stopped at the local donut place, her boyfriend's (E) exgf (S) and mother to his children came up to her and started yelling at her about how E was supposed to see his boys last night and didn't show. difficult child reminded S that she has cancelled on E every week for 3 weeks and that when E called her about last night, S told him the boys were busy and told S to call E if she had anything else she needed to discuss about the boys, since difficult child is not involved with the boys in any way. She went to turn away and S grabbed her and slapped her hard in the face and then ripped at her jacket and then stormed off. difficult child went into the donut place and the woman who works there saw she was upset, saw she had been speaking with S and then difficult child burst into tears and told her what happened. This woman knows all the history about S and E, etc., so it was no surprise that this woman offered to be a witness on difficult child's behalf should she file charges.

    When she told her boyfriend (E) what had happened, he immediately called his brother's lawyers to arrange a court hearing so he can acquire some concrete visitation rights - something we've discussed for a while now and he kept putting off because he's afraid of the exh girlfriend (S) and what she may pull. But I guess these latest actions were the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back because difficult child apparently told E that this was it - either he take her to court and get things settled with the boys visitations or she is done. She can't take anymore.

    So, I do have a question in all of this: Would it be wiser to wait to file charges against the exgf until after they go to family court next Monday or should she just go ahead and file the charges today?

    I hate this kind of crud - it's so Jerry Springer-ish and not how we live our lives. I hate that we have to deal with people like this but happy that difficult child sees just how distasteful dysfunction is and doesn't want to life that way either!

    So, any thoughts?
  2. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    Do it now, it only helps the case.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I guess I'd talk to the lawyers inthe family matter, first, but my thought is if she is going to file charges, to file them.

    And don't expect family court to settle the matters between E and S. Just because there's an agreement doesn't mean it wll be followed or that the drama will stop. Not saying to walk away and never look back, it could be all they need to move forward without the BS...just keep her eyes open. She's wise to realize she doesn't want to live like that.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    File now. It may or may not impact the visitation. And who knows how long difficult child will even be with E. You need this on record for difficult children safety now and in the future.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with Busy.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks, I agree that she needs to file today, which she's doing. She (and E) feel that it may help the case itself, though not ongoing communication between E & S.

    Much as it pains difficult child to think about, she is ready to end it with E if things do not at least get processed through the court - for her peace of mind that at least it is legally documented what E's visitation rights going forward. difficult child and E are a really good match and outside of this situation with S, they've been very happy together. They've been together over a year and he's ready to have difficult child spend some time with the boys on say, a Sunday afternoon at the petting farm or picking pumpkins or whatever. But he fears what the consequences will be from S when the boys go home and say they spent time with daddy's friend difficult child, Know what I mean?? At least with something legal in place, he has the option of dragging her to court every time she tries to mess with his visitation. At least that is a hope - I know it can become more hassles - I've seen friends go through this and it can get ugly.

    I was fortunate that my exh and I didn't go through any of that stuff with the court. We were able to deal with it on our own and the couple of times I did keep the girls from him it was because I walked in on him doing cocaine while the girls waited in the car - yeesh!

    Anyway, thanks for the speedy feedback!
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    difficult child needs to file assault charges. ASAP. This is exactly the kind of koi that BM has always been one step from pulling. A protective order may be in a good idea, too. Obviously xgf is willing to escalate...
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I also agree. File charges immediately.

    1) It may help E's case with access to his children.
    2) Whether it does so or not, difficult child's safety is critical and S must know that she can't treat people that way with impunity.

    I'm so sorry that your difficult child is having to deal with this mess Jo. I think it's very wise of her to take a stand with her boyfriend. I also think she needs to seriously evaluate her position in all this. However wonderful E might be, if it's putting difficult child in harm's way it's definitely something for her to consider when deciding on the future of this relationship.

    Hugs to you, to difficult child, to E and to those children who are caught in the mess.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    File chaarges ASAP, and have witness's info/statement done ASAP also. Unless/Until E (the boyfriend) gets visitation set by the judge he is NEVER going to be able to see the kids reliably. He is also not ever going to be able to introduce your daughter or ANY female to the boys. Given that she is willing to ASSAULT someone, I think he probably needs to file for shared parenting and 50/50 custody. If this is how she lives her life and what she wants to teach her children to do, she is NOT a fit parent. Just in my opinion, but her behavior sure doesn't seem in any way stable or rational or in the kids' best interests. E needs to find out if she has a boyfriend or husband and he needs to find out if they have police records. NOT because he really cares who his ex is with, but he cares who is in his kids' lives. It can get sticky, but if she has a boyfriend who is a criminal then obviously he needs to act very soon.

    I am sorry that the kids are in this situation. Except for the custody ****, it sounds like difficult child is in a good relationship for the most part. I hope that the visitation/custody stuff can be worked out through the judge.

    You should have to have a license to be a parent. It is SOOOO much more important and complicated than having a dog.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    E knows who she lives with - the guy she dumped E for, who happens to be a kid he grew up with and is about 9 years younger than S, same as difficult child is of E. I just hate this kind of stuff, ugh. It's so unseemly and dirty feeling.

    Thanks again - I passed along all the insight to difficult child, who is following through with filing this afternoon. I think she should have immediately called the police this AM at the donut shop myself, but she was in such shock she wanted to talk to E first. I am a bit angry at E for not following through with the courts the last time the doo doo hit the fan. Perhaps this incident could have been avoided.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jo, I am quite sure that something along the lines of this would have happened anyway. It takes weeks to get a court date and there is all that time for the babymomma to rile herself up and go find everyone connected with E to hassle and/or assault.

    Your daughter just needs to know that the very next time this woman comes near her she is to be calm and be ready to call 911 as soon as the woman either assaults or threatens her. In quite a few states it is considered assault to threaten to hurt or kill someone. So if babymomma starts making threats difficult child needs to report them to the police.

    ALL of this will matter in court. difficult child must NOT incite babymomma to get upset or egg her on once she starts. difficult child should, of course, stand up for herself if babymomma starts something, but only enough to get away. in my opinion you need to coach her on how to handle things so that difficult child doesn't make threats or make things worse. Also what to do if she is assaulted again and cannot get away.

    Just because babymomma's new man is known to E does NOT mean he doesn't have a criminal record. It is still something he needs to check. It is surprising how many people have records that you wouldn't ever suspect. Years ago a friend and I were taking a break from studying for finals and she was showing me how to look up criminal records - we were at her husband's law office because it was the only place we could have quiet and still be able to have coffee while we studied. Just to show me she put her brother in law's name in - a man who was a bigwig in a big city near us. She was SHOCKED (so was I) to see all the things on his record - white collar stuff and domestic violence and many DUI and public intoxication things. Then she ran her own husband, because the two of them spent a lot of time together and did some financial deals together. HER husband also had a record - and she was totally unaware of it, or of the fines he paid for some of the things! Or that one weekend when he was "out of town on business" he was actually at the jail!!

    Years later when you could look up records on the internet, I looked up gfgbro (we lived in a different state than he did, and my folks were in yet another state) and he had quite a few things we knew nada about. It was pretty shocking to me.

    so do NOT assume that this guy won't have any record just because they know him!! This is info that can be very useful in custody issues.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    What the other ladies have said. Hugs.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Do it now.

    I'm glad she showed her true colors in public. Looks like boyfriend needed a reality check.

    Keep breathing.
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    She filed a report this afternoon, though she doesn't want her arrested - just wants it on record. The police officer who took her statement will speak with S tomorrow as well as the waitress who said she'd be a witness. E is going to petition the court - I mispoke earlier. I've done the petition at family court with my exh a million years ago. I am hoping that he gets a hearing for visitation regardless of how things turn out between difficult child and S. He wants to be involved with his boys - he's their cubscout leader and she even keeps them from the troop meetings, knowing that E will be there in his leader uniform..it's so sad, you can see that he's so disappointed when the boys aren't at the meetings and he is. Anyway, he's not a saint, I'm sure, but I do know him well enough to know that he'd like to have more involvement in their lives and she restricts that.

    Thanks, I passed along all the info offered to difficult child. She said she feels good that the police are at least going to look into things. the officer ran S's name in the system and told difficult child that she's had 3 complaints against her in our town alone in the past couple of years!
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    in my humble opinion - the two are totally separate items that this woman is trying to manipulate into the same item.

    1.) YOUR DAUGHTER WAS ASSAULTED. Period. The woman needs to be charged with assault. If the police offer to have her arrested? I'd do it. I'd also ask for an order of protection that the same woman could not come within 100 feet of me ever again. HER loss NOT mine. HER problem to work out in the future for visitation with daughters boyfriend children NOT your daughters. They can hire someone to act as a middle person and your daughter NEVER have to see this woman again. ALSO this woman needs ANGER MANAGEMENT = your daughter has NOTHING to do with this mans children the courts need to address this if she is to continue parenting? She needs to get a grip on her emotions.

    2.) Visitation and the like are between a FATHER and a MOTHER NOT a Father, Mother and his girlfriend. So whatever problems the Father and Mother are having? THEY are having and the children are the ones here that are suffering, but again? If the Mother is that loose with her emotions anger management classes are needed.

    I would press charges for the sake of myself period. One has nothing to do with the other. To feel "sorry" by not pressing charges that the children may not have their Mommy? is BS. What kind of Mom slaps a girlfriend in a doughnut shop parking lot for missed visitation?????? One that needs anger management classes and will probably do the same slapping routine at home to her kids. Just my 2 cents.
  16. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm so sorry difficult child got hurt. I know what you mean about having to deal with this stuff. I jokingly refer to my life some days shouting "JERRY" at the top of my lungs. I don't fit the profile of my life some days lol. Hang in there my friend.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm. If she's already had three complaints, she's going to dig herself into the ground. Wonder when boyfriend will give up?