difficult child's court appearance

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Nancy, Oct 13, 2009.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We did not go. difficult child was picked up by the guy who brought the pot to the college and they went to court together. She pled guilty, has to do 24 hours of community service, have two drug tests, attend a drug awareness and alcohol awareness class, pay a $200 fine and go back Dec 15. If she completes all the requirements by then they will dispose of the case and expunge her record.

    She has to go to an intake hearing at the college tomorrow. Originally there were three girls and this one boy from off campus involved and one was her roommate. The roomate lied to the RA and said she didn't smoke so she didn't get into trouble. I asked difficult child where she got the alcohol and she said her boyfriend's sister bought it for them. Nice!

    She decided she is coming home after this semester and thinks she is getting an apartment with her girlfriend.

  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope she can meet the requirements set down by the court.

    Hugs. This is so hard on parents.
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The good news is that she actually showed up for court. Does she have the money to pay the fine?

  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She has no money, I don't know what she plans on doing for that. It's going to be tough to get everything done in two months but she seems to have everything figured out. She told me I would be happy that she was quitting smoking (she meant smoking pot, not cigs). Another thing I learned is that when kids say they smoke they usually mean weed. I told her I would be happy if she meant it but I have my doubts.

    Last edited: Oct 13, 2009
  5. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Why would you be happy she isn't quitting smoking?

    This is so sad but maybe coming home and working will make her value an education and she can go to community college.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I mistyped, I meant I would be happy she WAS quitting.

  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Nancy, at least she turned up.

    She will have to find the money somehow, or work something out with the courts. But SHE has to do this.

    When I left home, I was pretty much on my own. My dad had retired and my parents moved to a small cottage in the country, they didn't even have running water. They never gave me money because they didn't have any to give. I was 17 and had to make sure I had my own affairs in order, everything organised. I could ring my parents for advice and visit in the holidays, but otherwise I was on my own. I made a lot of mistakes but survived them. I know my parents would have helped me financially if they could, but because they didn't, I grew up a lot faster. While ever they helped me out, I would not have developed.

    On the subject of quitting - it won't be easy. If she's been using pot, it's probably had a self-medicating effect. So if she quots it, she needs to do it under supervision of her specialists. She also needs to change her environment; it's really hard to change when everyone else around you is the same.

    I remember a young friend of mine who, at 14, was crying on my shoulder. "My ex-boyfriend's mother is critical of me because she saw me smoking a cigarette," she said. "And yes, I know I shouldn't smoke. But I've given up the drugs, given up the alcohol and given up the sex. I need SOME vice left, at least for now. I can't give everything up all at once!"

    And yes, she did succeed. I haven't seen her for some years because she moved to the US and married some Texan millionaire. But last time I saw her she was in her mid-20s and showing me photos of her lovely family.

    But if she gives up the pot, don't push her to give up cigarettes just yet. Cutting back is better than trying to cut everything all at once.

    Nancy, so far this was better than you expected. Still a long way from good, but maybe time to begin to breathe again?

    Fingers crossed she can handle the restrictions and follow through on her punishments.

  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I applaud your detachment, Nancy. It's got to be so incredibly hard to sit back and watch her go through this -- I sure hope it's a lesson well-learned for her. I'll be interested to hear how she gets on after this semester ends. Wonder if the boyfriend will loan her the money for the fine? If she's not working, how can she possibly come up with that kind of cash?
  9. iloveturtles

    iloveturtles Guest

    This is hard stuff for a mom to go through. I know I went through it with my oldest. I didn't realize how nervous I was until she was completely finished.

    Took my daughter longer than the deadline they first gave her, it scared me that she wasn't done. But they just kept extending her deadline.
    Lasted edited by : Oct 13, 2009
  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Good job of letting her figure things out on her own. You are sticking to your guns. At least she won't waste your hard saved money on an education that she obviously doesn't value.
    Whatever she does in regards to the courts is on her now. I love the plan of an apartment when she doesn't have any money. They love to talk the talk then blame us when it doesn't just magically happen.
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Good that she has a chance to redeem herself bad that she isn't taking it seriously. So sorry for you mom I know all the Mom emotions that go along with these type of difficult child behaviors. Stay strong and continue to live your life and take care of you. -RM
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She's not taking it seriously. She missed a meeting today with the college to investigate the incident and she got an email today from residence services telling her they are charging her with misconduct for having a person of the opposite sex in the woman's bathroom. She has another meeting scheduled for Monday and they will tell her whether she is kicked out, which I am sure she is by now.

    She isn't going to any classes.

    Last edited: Oct 14, 2009
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Ugh. Where's the exasperated smilie when you need it? I just don't get it.

    Sorry Nancy. It's not fair, but at least you are staying out if it and not getting drawn into the drama. I don't think she realizes just how done you are with all of it. Maybe some day the lights will go on for her.
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy...want to meet for drinks? LOL. Or I really could go for watching a good Browns game! I need to go play the lottery...lmao.
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'd love to meet for drinks Janet.

    Hey easy child is probably coming down to NC to student teach in January in the Ashboro school district. Is that near you?

  16. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    All I can add is hugs right now.
  17. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Why is your easy child going so far from home to student teach?

  18. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Her college has a partenership with the school district in NC because they are short of teachers and we have too many here and no jobs. The idea is that after their student teaching they may offer them a job. Its a way for them to get teachers and the students here to get jobs. I'm not really excited about her staying down there after the student teaching because I will miss her but I am trying to accept it since it looks like that may be what happens.

  19. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, if you go down to see her let me know!! I'll be happy to drive up to meet you. Fran would be close by, too.

  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Its not awful far from me...about 2.5 hours. Its has a great zoo that we want to take Keyana to sometime. When she comes down here and you come down to see her, let me know and we can arrange to make the zoo trip that weekend. You can meet our little princess...lol. Ashboro is a nice area. Its close to Greensboro, High Point (great place if you want new furniture...lol), not far from Raleigh. It has a nice small town feel. I wouldnt worry about a huge crime rate. People are very friendly down here. Our schools arent the greatest but up in that area they are better than in my county. For bigtime nightlife she could attend major concerts in either Greensboro or RDU. Local concerts would come to her area too. She would only be I think about 30 miles or so from Greensboro. Oh...if she is at all into NASCAR...she would be close to where Richard Petty lives! That would be a plus to me...lmao. She would be about 80 miles from Charlotte.

    Am I giving you enough info...lol. I used to live in Greensboro so I know all about the area. Actually I dont know that it is 2.5 hours from me. Tony works in High Point sometimes and I dont know that it takes him that long to get there and back. But then he drives faster than me...lol.