difficult child's creditors are being unreasonable

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by rejectedmom, Jan 27, 2009.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I think I mentioned in another thread that difficult child has a load of debt piled up from the last time he was out and got a cell phone and an engagement ring etc.

    Well they have all gone to collections and I negotiated a $900 cell phone bill down to $350 and got difficult child to help around here to pay it off.

    Well I wanted the agreement in writing and I told the collection agency that I would not pay by check but would be sending a Money Order via certified mail as soon as I got the letter of settlement cost. They sent the letter and the offer expired on the day the letter was delivered. When I called them back I told them that I needed a new letter. They gave me a hard time and wanted me to pay them over the phone with a check or credit card. I refused and told them that the manner of payment would only be in a money order or cashier's check because I was not responsible for difficult child's debts and I didn't want them associated with any of my bank accounts. They got really huffy and said that the new letter would expire on
    the 29th of January and that the same thing would happen as the last time. I told them that I was trying to work with them and that it wouldn't kill them to fax me a letter to which they said that I would have to mail payment today. I told them that wouldn't happen because we're in the middle of an ice storm and could they make it good till Feb 2. They replied that they would fax the letter (which they haven't) and that it might not be the same offer. To which I replied If that is the case they might not get paid.

    So here difficult child is working to pay the debt off through me and now the credit company is playing games. I feel like hiring a lawyer and suing all the creditors and the collections agencies for extending credit to a mentally ill person who was living in a group home and working in a sheltered workshop at the time of the contract. I'm thinking of telling difficult child to file bankrupcy and that way no one will get paid. -RM
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2009
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont blame you one bit. Cory has had the same thing happen with credit. People have given him all kinds of odd credit and then call me wanting me to make him pay...yeah right. One place was this car title loan place that gave him money on a car title that he really took them on. They were so stupid to loan money to a barely legal, mentally challenged idiot who showed them a title but not the car! He had the car crushed a week later and got more money for the car after he sold the rims for it too! The stupid car didnt run when he got the loan. I laughed at them when they called me.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Be stubborn. It works. Do not pay until they go back to the original agreement and send you a letter that arrives with a date that allows you to pay before the due date for the agreement.

    If they want their money, they'll cooperate. Otherwise, tell them they get no money. You are not responsible for difficult child's debt. You are doing them a favor by offering to pay that debt, even a negotiated amount. Remind them that it is no skin off your nose if they don't get paid. And then remind them that difficult child always has the option of claiming bankruptcy or going to see a lawyer about companies that make contracts with mentally incompetent persons.

    You could also hint heavily that if it goes to court for collection, you're gonna win. Odds are a judge is gonna laugh them right out of the court room. (seen it happen and it's satisfying :) )

    Believe me, they might go down screaming, but they'll take the money everytime.

    Unfortunately, the one thing I have way too much experience with is credit collectors. ugh!
  4. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Janet I guess I am really angry because we are trying to do the right thing and difficult child is onboard working his buns off in freezing cold weather scraping my outbuildings so we can paint them in the spring,

    Unfortunately these idiot collections people are making it impossible for me to carry out my end of the bargin I made with difficult child. I will not give my banking info out. It burns me that we are trying to make a point and teach difficult child to act responsibly instead of giving up and we are getting grief from the peope we are trying to pay.

    As far as if the loans, phone contracts etc. should have been made in the first place well that is the stuff that really burns me up. It is just that type of irresponsible lending that put this country in the financial disaster it is in. The people who send the money or write the contracts for our difficult child's to sign are greedy and deserve not getting paid but in the end it is the citizens who foot the burden, I think the creditors should be prosecuted when they lend irresponsibly.
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Daisylover, I have done and said all that in order to strike the deal in the first place and again today. They are still trying to get me to write a personal check so I am getting increasingly more skeptical of their ethics and am more and more on guard. I'm thinking of adding more conditions to the agreement. Like maybe offering them less and less each time they pull a stunt.
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    RM, have you asked for a supervisor? Work your way up the ladder. Collection agency employees get paid a percentage of what they collect so they are not going to negotiate with you, only a supervisor will. It's similar to buying a car and how the salesman has to "talk to the manager"- sheesh- gives both industries such bad reputations.

    After this is over, then call the Better Business Bureau and register a complaint.

  7. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    Over the years, various family members have given my name, address and phone number to creditors as a reference. Lucky me. When the creditors call looking for someone, I explain that if I knew where the deadbeat was, I still would not provide that info to the creditor, as the deadbeat owes me money too, and if said deadbeat would ever have any money, I'm collecting first.

    As to your dilemma with the collection agencies, stick to your guns. Refuse to provide them with your bank information. I liked the idea about offering to pay a smaller amount each time they try to pull a fast one.
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Suz, I did talk to the supposed supervisor he is the one who said the offer may not be the same.

    CJ, I will. They probably think that if push comes to shove they can pull the "your kid will go to jail card" but heck been there done that. -RM
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Your kid can't go to jail. You can't be jailed over debt in this country. (unless that debt is with the IRS or child support)

    But I wouldn't put it past them to attempt to scare you with it. I've heard worse over the years. And by the way, they get enraged when you laugh at them. (yes, I know I can be evil lol)

    Hold onto that agreement. Stick to your guns. IF the supervisor refuses to give you a new solid agreement.....Tell them you'll be seeing them in court.

    And don't let court scare you. No biggie, sort of like small claims court. You usually stand before a referee. Collection agency states their case, you give your side. And in this case, you'd win. You're trying your best to pay them. They're the ones trying to pull a fast one.

    As for the referee.....They don't necessarily rule in favor of the creditors either. These places buy the debts, and make money by charging interest. They know it's a gamble when they buy it. Judges and referees don't seem to have much respect for creditors. (think vultures and you get the right idea)

    People with long term illnesses suffer with creditors. Fact of life. But creditors hate me. They can't scare me, intimidate me, threaten me. I've even reported several for harrassment and got them to leave me alone by threatening to press charges.

    And it really POs me because if I had the money in the first place.......they'd never be in the darn picture. sheesh

    Dig your heels in. Think of them as difficult children. Most of the time they act like it. ;)

  10. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    You might want to remind these people that YOU hold all the cards in this game and that if they don't agree to work with you, then they get zip-nada-nothing!

    You're trying to take care of your sons debt because you believe that it's the honorable thing to do, not because you're obligated. They extended credit to him, not you, and legally you have no obligation to pay them a dime! They have no hope of collecting from him - you're their only chance. You might want to remind them of that, and tell them that they can either agree to your terms or they get nothing at all - their choice! They can either work with you or they can shove it! It's up to them. YOU'VE got the upper hand in this, not them. And I LOVE Lisa's suggestion - you might want to cut loose with a few random giggles when you're telling them all this!
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    well supposedly they tried to fax me a letter today. It didn't come through so I asked them to do it again. That was an hour ago and still no fax. Oh well. I'm not gonna wait around for it. -RM
  12. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Not quite sure what you are trying to do when negotiating the money your difficult child owes...... sure you can pay off some of this, but in our state it would still show up on a credit report as a bad debt if the complete amount isn't paid..... so if you are trying to clean up his credit with the hope that it will not show up I don't think that will happen...... I do get that he is working and paying off an amount is a moral obligation you would like to see him handle...... just don't think it will all be forgotten and "squared away" when a possible employer, landlord, etc. checks his credit, it will follow him for a long time........ The only good part is no one will steal his identity with a poor credit rating........
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I'm not trying to preserve his credit truly at this point that would be impossible. I am trying to help him learn responsibility and enjoy the good feeling that comes with doing the right thing.

    Our country is in a bad way partly because people borrowed money they couldn't pay back and others lent it to them knowing that they might default. As a responsible citizen I believe we all should do our best to repay our debts when possible. As a parent I take the responsibilty of trying to teach moral behaviors when the opportunity arises very seriously regardless of my childs age. difficult child is willing at this time to work off some of his debts because he knows it is the right thing to do. I am just giving him the opportunity. I get a prepped out-building & difficult child gets a creditor off his back and a feeling of accomplishment which is not something that he experiences very often.

    I am not understanding your seemingly negative take on this. In my opinion a lot more good comes from it than just a reduced chance of identity theft.-RM
  14. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    I really didn't mean it as a negative reply..... and I do understand your helping him with making a repayment..... I absolutely get that..... just didn't know if you were aware that it didn't get him back to square one with credit......

    I hope your difficult child takes a lesson from you about paying back what is owed.......
  15. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Not a problem WMM, thanks. Actually, I do not mind his credit rating being nil. I think it would be a good thing in a way. If difficult child can't charge or sign for anything then he won't be able to buy things he cannot afford. And he can't be taken advantage of by being pressured into takig a loan by some girl or unsavory indivitual that comes along. -RM
  16. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    I had the same thought with my difficult child, thought it would prevent him from further "purchases".......