difficult child's day pass in 3 wks., already aprehensive...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by horserider, Oct 18, 2009.

  1. horserider

    horserider New Member

    My difficult child has been in the jjc since beg. of August, was moved to a theraputic program in the same building and has to earn his release. You have all been so supportive and helpful through this. I was wondering if anyone could share their experiences and/or advice about day passes.

    This program is progressive and in stages, my difficult child has to earn each week. If he does so the next 3 weeks he will get his first day pass home, and ea. weekend after if earned. I spoke with his casemanager on Friday. My concern is there lack of understanding of how unstable our son was when he got arrested and in my humble opinion, okay I know my kid, my EXPERIENCED opinion will he be able to handle this? Especially without being on medications.

    Just last week the therapist tried to explain to us how our difficult child does not respect authority. Do you honestly think we did not know this I thought, we lived with extreme disrespect for months, he has been non-medication compliant since April and encouragable. I moved out of our home because of the verbal/physical abuse! I believe the team feels the punishment factor, along with therapy will change things. Have I lost all faith?

    We have been through nearly 7 years of therapy on and off, most recently in home, weekly therapy for a year. I tried to have our difficult child moved to a program I thought would more fit his needs, but they would not allow it.

    My main problem is they will let him come home if he earns the weeks, even if he is still non-medication compliant. In 6 weeks he has only earned 2, which shows how unstable he is. He is doing suprisingly well in school, all A's and B's but his ADHD tendencies are extreme. With only 10 students vs. 30+, and EI teachers it is much more condusive to his learning. I told him I was proud of him for keeping up his goals to graduate. So there is some hope here.

    We will once again explain the house rules while we visit the next few weeks, but I hold out little hope that he will follow them. My husband can have issues with verbal abuse, not knowing how to handle our difficult child. I guess we will have no choice but to be "walking on egg shells" again.

    Sorry I rambled on there, thanks for listening.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Is psychiatric oversight part of the program? Can't medication compliance be part of the requirements he needs to fulfill in order to earn a day pass home?
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    A lot of things can happen between now and the day pass. There are things you can do something about and things you can't. This is one of those things that the system has to do in order to follow through with proper procedure. They have to try it even if it doesn't work.
    Your job is to continue the rules that are pre planned and approved. You can discuss with difficult child's case manager what to do when things go wrong. Have husband involved so he learns how to not escalate a bad situation.
    Work with the professionals to find a way to be prepared for both disaster and maybe even some success.

    No one is going to be able to force medications on a young man who is almost 17. He is to the point where he has the right to decide his own fate. It does seem crazy to give someone of any age the ability to decide when their thinking is disordered but it's the law. He is not incompetent.

    Hopefully, if he can improve over the next 3 wks he will realize he needs medications. Hang in there.