difficult child's first day at the new respite

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Jul 8, 2008.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child went to respite last night and today. It was his first time at this new place. It is a home rather than a center which he is used to. At the center he is used to it being all fun and games and they make food the kids like, etc...

    This guy said difficult child did have some problems. Swearing (big problem for difficult child-one we are not concentrating on right now for many reasons but we support the respite person accepting it), being very loud (totally difficult child), respect (yep that is difficult child), not wanting to help with cleaning and cooking (not like difficult child)and problems during meal times (difficult child is extremely picky). Overall, he said difficult child did better than most of the respite kids that come and he did have fun playing with the guy's kids.

    He called us last night in tears he was so homesick. This was suppose to be a positive first visit so that when he goes for crisis respite it is different. I think it went o.k. but not as well as we had hoped. He was a major grouch and very tired when we picked him up.

    For us it was a very relaxing 24 hours. I wish it had gone better for difficult child but he doesn't sound like he totally hated it.
  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    OMG, Sharon - break my heart!! difficult child calling because he was homesick.... that must have been hard for you!!

    Loud??? Sorry, had to chuckle at that - I wonder if that ever gets any better? on the other hand, at least we'll be able to hear our sons when we're old and deaf. ;)

    I understand not addressing the swearing - was definitely a basket C for years. It's moved up to a basket B but only in public. But I think sometimes it's good for our kids to see that we're not the only ones with certain expectations in terms of socially acceptable behavior.

    I think not totally hating it is a decent start. Actually, I'd expect either a total honeymoon or a total meltdown, so it's probably a better than decent start. I cannot begin to tell you how glad I am you guys *finally* got a break.

    Hope Mr. Grumpy remembers how homesick he was and perks up a bit. ;)
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sorry it didn't go as well as you'd hoped. But, it does sound like more of an adjustment to it to me, especially since it wasn't just changing "places", it was changing the type of place. I can see where it would be harder to quickly feel comfortable in the environment of someone else's home than in a "community center" type of place. Can you try it once or twice more in the future, before it gets to a crisis point?

    At least you got a little break!
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Wiped out, you didn't really think it would go off without a hitch did you? He isn't going to like anything once he realizes it was enjoyed by you. I'd give him some sympathy but keep pointing out all the positives.

    Glad you had 24 hrs of relaxed life. It's so soothing to have some islands of peace amongst the battles.
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Did he know he was going for respite or did you tell him it was a sleep over kind of thing? We haven't had formal respite, but I know if I tell difficult child that she's going to my mom's because we need a break from each other (how I worded it in the past...or I've said that I need some grown-up time) she does horribly. If she wants to go or if my mom invites her, it's completely different. Something about 'being sent away', I guess.

    I agree that it wasn't a total bust. I know you hoped it went better, but hopefully once it becomes more comfortable he'll feel better about. It feels strange to be in someone else's house (whom you don't know) and following someone else's rules.

    Keeping a good thought that it gets better.
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Awwww, Sharon. Your difficult child, like mine, isn't going to like anything that gives mom & dad some peace & quiet. AND he isn't going to call with something positive - big crocodile tears, most likely.

    And I say this because I survived this with both kt & wm. Turns out it was more a daycare type of reaction - drop them off in tears, they have a gas - pick them up & they were in tears again.

    I had to turn a deaf ear to it & continue to utilize respite - whether the tweedles liked it or not. My conscience was soothed when the respite providers told me this was the norm.

    by the way, kt has to help plan meals, do dishes, clean up rooms, plus do her laundry before she comes home from respite. How cool is that?

    You know things will go better next time. What helped kt last time was to pack a picture of the family (printed off the computer in a protective sleeve) along & kt borrowed one of my favorite old sleep shirts to wear. I only got 2 calls over the weekend & didn't even pick up one of them.
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You and your husband had a wonderful, restful evening and difficult child was not too terribly crazy about the respite. Sounds like it went as planned!

    I know you had hoped for better given this will be a crisis location, but he is your difficult child and no mumbling and grumbling would have been, well, shall I say "rare"?

    I think, given he did better than most, it is a great start and will definately be a support to your family.

  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sue-Yep-it was hard to hear him cry. I too almost laughed at the loud thing! I love the name Mr. Grumpy-I may have to use it with him when I know he is in the mood to handle it:)

    Klmno-You're right-I think it is harder to adjust to a home where you don't know anyone as opposed to a center.

    Fran-It really was an island of peace-and oh so nice. I guess I was too optimistic that it would go better. Usually with new people he does really well.

    Heather-We tried to frame it that it would be a fun thing for him to do-there would be boys for him to hang out with and such. Like you said though adjusting to someone else's rules in a strange house-very hard for him.

    Linda-Like you we will have to continue to utilize respite even if it's not his favorite thing. I think we'll use that family picture idea-he did take one of husband's shirts for pajamas. I'm hoping it will get better, he asked me today if he ever had to go back-said he doesn't want to go.

    Sharon-It really was a nice evening. I'm hoping it will be a great support and that he will eventually enjoy going (except when it's for crisis-then he isn't suppose to enjoy it)!