difficult child's friend

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kjs, May 29, 2009.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I don't know if I am in the right spot for this. difficult child doesn't do drugs. He is terrified and his anxiety puts him even more into a fear of dying. But, all his friends do. He tells us. He also will go hang out with them, but he does call us to come get him when they start smoking weed or doing other drugs.

    difficult child thinks it is none of my business to ask where he is going or with whom. Says I am stalking him.

    Last week he said he was going to hang out with "cheeks". I asked what his name was and he flipped out. Then he told me. I asked what he was going to do. He said, Ride around, maybe go to the Lake or the Mall. I asked if this boy went to his school. He said No. That he has a lot of friends that he meets through other friends, this is one. I asked what school this boy goes to. (difficult child is 14) He said this boy is 17 and dropped out. I asked if he Parties. difficult child said, "They ALL party". Well - OMG - I am the worst parent in the world. I don't want my 14 year old to go riding around in a vehicle with a 17 year old who doesn't go to school or work and who is doing drugs. Am I wrong?

    Neighbor boy who difficult child grew up with is really heavy into drugs. All types. Weed, prescription..anything he can get his hands on whether he knows what it is or not. Alcohol - anything. We use to be close to the parents, but had a falling out for quite a few years. Just started talking again last year. These are parents you cannot approach. You can NEVER say anything about her kids. Sooooo...this boy was so drunk at a school function a few months back that he was throwing up, and of course parents caught him...finally. Nothing happened. Just let him go on. Then during spring break parents caught him smoking weed. Nothing happened again. Then a few weeks ago this boy was caught at school with weed. Arrested, fingerprinted, photo taken..His parents let him go out that night and ride around with a mutual friend who just got his license. difficult child told us that he has to do random Pee tests until school is out. WHY only until school is out? difficult child says he gives the tests at school. So does that mean after three weeks of school he doesn't have to do that anymore?

    He told difficult child and others that the tests will come back dirty so he is going to smoke as much weed as he can get his hands on.

    What happens then? This is the one who jumped all over difficult child because I told a neighbor (his moms boyfriend) that he was arrested at school.

    Anyway - difficult child told me last night that this boy is really doing a lot of drugs and all his friends are worried about him. The kids all thought of going to his parents, but decided against it. Said the last thing he needs is another lecture. And nothing would happen anyway. So difficult child said the kids decided to slowly stop hanging out with him, hoping he will stop. He isn't going to stop. He'll just find someone else. difficult child is so afraid of dying and people dying that he thinks if this boy dies, it will be his fault for not stopping him. When in reality difficult child CANNOT stop him.

    I went through a First Aid, CPR class yesterday and now am certified. difficult child asked me to show him CPR in case boy may need it. That is just too much for him. He has so much anxiety, he doesn't need to feel responsible for the other boys life.

    I too feel bad. They have lived a few houses away for 14 years. But I KNOW the parents. You cannot approach them. That would cause trouble with us as well as with difficult child.

    Anything we can do? Anything?
  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Kjs,

    I absolutely don't think you're "stalking" your son when you are a concerned parent wanting to know who son is hanging out with and where/what they are doing. It's your responsibility to know.
    And as for driving around with the 17 yr old drug addict/drop out...and your son is 14...no way! You're not wrong at all.

    How sad that long time neighbor boy has such permissive parents that aren't doing anything to help their spiraling son.

    The only things I can think of doing for the boy is calling CPS and telling them about his situation or talking to school councelor/sro...
    But, you may not be able to remain anonymous I don't know...

    It is a very caring side of your son but your're right it's not his responsibility...If he has shared all this with you about neighbor boy then I suspect he would like you to do something about it...to help stop the downward trend in neighbor boy.

    I hope all works out well...for your son as well as the neighbor boy.
    With care,
  3. dadside

    dadside New Member

    I'll second the prior response -- its all good advice. For your son, if you can, you might get him to do an OutwardBound or similar trip this summer, which should help lighten his spirit and build new interests so that perhaps he'll find better friends in the future -- though he'll still see drug use.
  4. maril

    maril New Member

    kjs: I agree with lovemysons in that you are not wrong. I am sending wishes for strength and cyberhugs to you. in my opinion, it is better to go in with eyes open (so very hard to do, especially when we are shocked by what we see) instead of eyes closed like the parents of your son's friend, who is into drugs; they seem to want to downplay and look the other way; that is not helping anyone, they all are playing with fire. Unfortunately, if those parents are resistant to helping their son, it makes it very difficult to try to intercede; maybe explain this to your son. How sad that he would blame himself should something happen to this boy.

    It is good that your DS communicates with you! in my opinion, a big plus and advantage. :D I've been told and have come to agree that our children want us to set limits for them, whether they "admit it" or not, which might be part of the reason your son seeks you out and confides in you.

    I would also think that (and I understand how there are so many teens that do use and it would be hard to seek new friends, since my son faces this now) there will continue to be pressure for your son to use as long as he hangs around with the "friends" that partake. Not saying that he will use, but probably the pressure is there; something to think about.