TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Yaaay! I was trying to get difficult child to go alone to the church meals program that he's doing for his court ordered community svc. It was too much like a play-date and not enough like work.
Last wk, husband had to discipline them because she was sitting on his lap and they were too cozy and making people uncomfortable.
Last night when I went to pick them up, the lady who signed the court timesheet said, "He can't come back if she is with-him. They can't keep their hands off one another."
Woo hoo! I called difficult child back in ... he was halfway out the door ... and told him, "You can't bring girlfriend any more. You are not focused enough and you two spend too much time together and not working." I patted him on the shoulder and the women nodded.
He'd been ramping up all week, and yesterday was especially tough, because he had school, then three things in a row: NILD, then psychiatrist appointment, then church charity work. Supposedly, all with-o his difficult child.
Her mom and I caved when it came to church, because they can always use extra hands, it's less than a block from their house, and the kids needed to study for a test afterward.
Once they got to the house, it turned out that girlfriend was studying for a different test than difficult child was (not what they told me to begin with). But she did have flash cards and they did sit at the table as I told them to. (Last wk they cuddled on the couch in the dark and I told them that was not the way to study.)
difficult child announced they were finished, and I told him that now she could help him study for math and English. He got angry and started to shout, and said that the English teacher kept the handouts because they were already graded. I asked him what the test was on and he shouted parts of stories (characterization, etc.) and I said, "Good, so you can just tell me out loud what you need to study, and that's actually studying." I prompted him a bit and he came up with-some more words, and then he insisted there was no math to study.
I whipped out his recent grades (thanks to the online grading for parents). Unfortunately, his girlfriend was sitting right there and I showed him 3 Fs he had--PE (how can you possibly get an F in PE?! turns out you don't wear your PE outfit, same reason he got an F in Aeroscience/ROTC--didn't wear his uniform because he overslept, then couldn't change clothes because he shares a locker and doesn't want things stolen. Yeah, whatever.) And math, well, he showed up late for that test because he was in court, and didn't know he could re-take the test.
So I had him read me the definition of inequalities from the book, and write me an example, and I promised to email the teacher to get him to re-take the test. (I cc'd the counselor because he's got a 504 and she's a tough cookie and won't go the extra mile unless I force the issue.)
By this time, difficult child was really ramped up. I let him have 5 min. alone with-his girlfriend in the livingroom, which was 6 ft from where I was sitting, and then we drove girlfriend home. I asked difficult child what his plans were for Friday and he said his girlfriend was coming along to his eye doctor appointment. I said, "No, she's not." And the fight was on.
It got so bad that I said, "You know, I asked you what your plans were because I was going to help you two out AFTER your eye appointment., but now that you've been so rude and disrespectful, you're grounded."
We got out of the car and girlfriend's mom met us outside, and difficult child was so angry, he said he was walking home. He made it halfway across the yard and we heard a yelp, and we thought he'd walked into their tree. I found out after we got home that he'd slugged the tree.
After sitting on the curb for 5 min. he came back up to where we were standing by the front door and I said, "Do you want a ride home?" He said, "I don't know." He looked like he'd been crying. I said, "I'll take you home."
Of course once in the car, he really let loose, and started hitting the dashboard, but luckily, his hand already hurt so he didn't break the glove box.
I refused to talk to him, simply stating that I don't speak to people who are yelling at me. We got home and I got his medications ready, and he went up to husband at the kitchen table and started whining and complaining to him.
We both made difficult child take his medications, and then sat down for a pow wow. difficult child cried and yelled and complained and dumped everything he'd been holding in. Then he said that every time I tell him he's grounded, I change my mind and let him go somewhere. Oooohhhh-kay. So this time, I won't change my mind.
He was angry and confused. Now, he'll be less confused. And still angry.
husband and I noticed that he was ramping up, and agreed that he'd be fine today. He seems to cycle every week to 10 days. I'm thinking this pattern is becoming more obvious as he moves into his middle teens.
by the way, the psychiatrist pulled me aside at the appointment and said difficult child is MUCH better. He is talking and open and aware of his surroundings. I told difficult child that he was doing better and he said he hates himself and his behavior and his whole life, and husband and I both told him that this is way better than when he used to just explode and we never knew why. Words (even though they're way too loud, and hurtful) are still better.
We all went to bed early. The first thing difficult child said when we saw ea other in the kitchen this a.m. was, "Can I go out with-girlfriend today?"
I told him it was too early and I wasn't even discussing it.
Last wk, husband had to discipline them because she was sitting on his lap and they were too cozy and making people uncomfortable.
Last night when I went to pick them up, the lady who signed the court timesheet said, "He can't come back if she is with-him. They can't keep their hands off one another."
Woo hoo! I called difficult child back in ... he was halfway out the door ... and told him, "You can't bring girlfriend any more. You are not focused enough and you two spend too much time together and not working." I patted him on the shoulder and the women nodded.
He'd been ramping up all week, and yesterday was especially tough, because he had school, then three things in a row: NILD, then psychiatrist appointment, then church charity work. Supposedly, all with-o his difficult child.
Her mom and I caved when it came to church, because they can always use extra hands, it's less than a block from their house, and the kids needed to study for a test afterward.
Once they got to the house, it turned out that girlfriend was studying for a different test than difficult child was (not what they told me to begin with). But she did have flash cards and they did sit at the table as I told them to. (Last wk they cuddled on the couch in the dark and I told them that was not the way to study.)
difficult child announced they were finished, and I told him that now she could help him study for math and English. He got angry and started to shout, and said that the English teacher kept the handouts because they were already graded. I asked him what the test was on and he shouted parts of stories (characterization, etc.) and I said, "Good, so you can just tell me out loud what you need to study, and that's actually studying." I prompted him a bit and he came up with-some more words, and then he insisted there was no math to study.
I whipped out his recent grades (thanks to the online grading for parents). Unfortunately, his girlfriend was sitting right there and I showed him 3 Fs he had--PE (how can you possibly get an F in PE?! turns out you don't wear your PE outfit, same reason he got an F in Aeroscience/ROTC--didn't wear his uniform because he overslept, then couldn't change clothes because he shares a locker and doesn't want things stolen. Yeah, whatever.) And math, well, he showed up late for that test because he was in court, and didn't know he could re-take the test.
So I had him read me the definition of inequalities from the book, and write me an example, and I promised to email the teacher to get him to re-take the test. (I cc'd the counselor because he's got a 504 and she's a tough cookie and won't go the extra mile unless I force the issue.)
By this time, difficult child was really ramped up. I let him have 5 min. alone with-his girlfriend in the livingroom, which was 6 ft from where I was sitting, and then we drove girlfriend home. I asked difficult child what his plans were for Friday and he said his girlfriend was coming along to his eye doctor appointment. I said, "No, she's not." And the fight was on.
It got so bad that I said, "You know, I asked you what your plans were because I was going to help you two out AFTER your eye appointment., but now that you've been so rude and disrespectful, you're grounded."
We got out of the car and girlfriend's mom met us outside, and difficult child was so angry, he said he was walking home. He made it halfway across the yard and we heard a yelp, and we thought he'd walked into their tree. I found out after we got home that he'd slugged the tree.
After sitting on the curb for 5 min. he came back up to where we were standing by the front door and I said, "Do you want a ride home?" He said, "I don't know." He looked like he'd been crying. I said, "I'll take you home."
Of course once in the car, he really let loose, and started hitting the dashboard, but luckily, his hand already hurt so he didn't break the glove box.
I refused to talk to him, simply stating that I don't speak to people who are yelling at me. We got home and I got his medications ready, and he went up to husband at the kitchen table and started whining and complaining to him.
We both made difficult child take his medications, and then sat down for a pow wow. difficult child cried and yelled and complained and dumped everything he'd been holding in. Then he said that every time I tell him he's grounded, I change my mind and let him go somewhere. Oooohhhh-kay. So this time, I won't change my mind.
He was angry and confused. Now, he'll be less confused. And still angry.
husband and I noticed that he was ramping up, and agreed that he'd be fine today. He seems to cycle every week to 10 days. I'm thinking this pattern is becoming more obvious as he moves into his middle teens.
by the way, the psychiatrist pulled me aside at the appointment and said difficult child is MUCH better. He is talking and open and aware of his surroundings. I told difficult child that he was doing better and he said he hates himself and his behavior and his whole life, and husband and I both told him that this is way better than when he used to just explode and we never knew why. Words (even though they're way too loud, and hurtful) are still better.
We all went to bed early. The first thing difficult child said when we saw ea other in the kitchen this a.m. was, "Can I go out with-girlfriend today?"
I told him it was too early and I wasn't even discussing it.
