difficult child's many sides

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sometimes I just wonder about difficult child. He has so many different sides. Yesterday I saw his cranky side, violent side, empathetic side, happy side, and sad side.

    We were headed out of his therapist appointment yesterday and difficult child was complaining about having me be the one to take him to wrestling. Then he we were already running late and he wants to change in the car which takes longer than dressing when there. I know I should have just let it go. He got mad and started screaming at me so I told him we wouldn't go if he kept acting that way. He got a bit violent (I know using the word bit but with him there are varying degrees). I was going to pull wrestling but he really needed it.

    When we got home he was in a better mood and accepted his consequence or tried to of having to be in his room with no tv or dessert for the night. difficult child can't ever truly stay in his room, he has to run out several times to ask questions, etc.

    Well I had my own meltdown when I got home and easy child hadn't thrown the pizzas in the oven. It was 7:00 at night and all I wanted was my dinner. easy child was supposed t have put them in the oven. I was obviously overdrawn for the day and just cried-embarrassing to admit but true. difficult child came out of his room several times to give me hugs and tell me how sorry he was. He asked if I wanted him to make me a hot dog to feel better because he had done that once to make me feel better.

    His happy side came out at dinner-he was a true delight!

    When it was time for him to go to bed the meltdown started. Even though a sick husband had read to him he was inconsolable about not being allowed to sleep on the couch by us or in our bed just til we came up. He said he felt too alone in his room. I felt bad for him but held firm in my decision that if he had chosen violence to show his anger he was not coming out of his room. This was the first time I had tried this particular consequence. He cried a sad, sad cry and so hard that his nose started bleeding-a real gusher.

    Finally I got him tucked back into bed and he fell asleep. What a range of emotions for one little guy in a few short hours.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Geeze Sharon, I'm exhausted just reading the range of emotions he went through yesterday! From happy to angry to compliant to sweet to anxious to frustrated to crying so hard he gave himself a bloody nose :faint:.

    I would imagine both you and he went totally limp and slept all night last night. A number of years ago when difficult child was still pretty unstable, I do remember the feeling of never knowing what to expect next. I always described it as always sitting on the edge of your seat. Forever ready to jump.

    Hope his range is not as great today and you have a quiet evening :peaceful:.

  3. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Your son is very much like mine. They even have the same birth histories. Mine will be 10 in May. Mine has 3 days in his room right now, we have just begun day 2. It does seem like he is tortured from within, so easy to watch, NOT.
  4. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Like LDM, I'm totally exhausted just reading what you've written!!! As I wrote in response to Janet's essay on BiPolar (BP), mental illness is not only HE77 on earth for those suffering from it, but also HE77 on earth for those who love them. It's just so sad...

    It brought tears to my eyes to read about how much your difficult child loves you underneath it all - His attempts at comforting you were so sweet!!!

    I hope today is a better day for difficult child and you...WFEN
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Sharon-Surprisingly I didn't fall asleep right away. I spent a lot of time reading-guess I needed to unwind. Forever ready to jump-yep-that's a good way to describe things.

    Kathie-Our sons really do have a lot in common. I don't know how you do three days. The one night was hard enough.

    WFEN-You're right-mental illness stinks! He really can be sweet at times.

    Tonight was much better. For the first time in a very long time, he let me read to him! He always wants husband to read. He was so funny-he told me that I really do read well. He hadn't believed me when I told him my students like when I read aloud to them.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh, I remember those days. Like oh, about 18 or so years worth. I swear it used to exhaust me to watch Nichole shift moods so much.

    You know, now that you've made me think...... I haven't been seeing that for a while now. A long while. hmmmmmm (not complaining lol) But I wonder why?

    I'm glad you let him go ahead with the wrestling and found another consequence. He probably did need it. Hold on to those moments when he's a delight to be around, it'll help get you thru the other stuff.

    Hope you're able to wind down to sleep.

  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    The sides thing can drive a good mom to drink! We have been addressing all the sides of the tweedles in therapy for a few years now.

    Our attachment therapist refers to them as their "parts"; & how all those different parts still are kt or wm. The parts language is a big part of in home therapy - we use it daily here. Foster mum & dad use it with wm as does school, day treatment. It has spread thoughout the entire team.

    And it's beginning to make a difference. kt realizes that when she is angry & frustrated & using those parts to express emotions that she is still kt. The same with her happy, excited, sad, etc. All those parts make a whole.

    It's sinking in for both kt & wm. They do not become the extreme emotion they are displaying - it's just one part of the whole.

    You will survive this as well.