difficult child's Mom.. piece of work she is

[mavh2005]

Nothing surprises me anymore with difficult child's mom. difficult child wants to live with me and husband full time now. She's 9. difficult child told her mom at a therapy appointment why she wanted this change. (We've already filed the change of custody) I'm so proud of difficult child for standing up for herself. Mom said "she wasn't changing custody without a fight and you know it" The poor kid just hung her head. Nothing else was said. Nothing the therapist or I said made it any better. And what was worse, difficult child had to go home with her mother. I'm sure her mother screamed at her all the way home and I wouldn't be surprised if she laid her hands on her too. Thankfully, I'll see difficult child tonight at her awards ceremony and she'lll be home with us for the weekend.

We are not giving up this fight. difficult child wants this too bad and she's sticking with her story. I'm still in shock over how difficult child handled it all.. Brave little girl.

 

[JJJ]

I'm sorry mavh I don't mean to be harsh but why are you letting a 9 year old think she has anything to say about which parent she lives with? From what you said, mom has custody. It would take a significant change in circumstance for the court to entertain a change in custody. Has there been a significant change in circumstance?

Now we have many great step-parents on this board that are very frustrated at their step-child's parent (usually not the one they're married to but sometimes him/her too LOL). Admittedly, I only have the info from a few posts but I sounds like you are giving mom a lot of ammo to use against your husband.

 

[allhaileris]

Why shouldn't she have any say? If I were going through a custody battle I would very much want my child to have a say, especially at 9. It's not like she's a baby. It sounds like she's a verbally abusive parent, and possibly physically abusive. The only person who knows for sure is the child. For any child to say something like that, in their parent's earshot, is a sure signal to me that the mom shouldn't have custody. That take a lot of guts!

 

[JJJ]

Why shouldn't she have any say? If I were going through a custody battle I would very much want my child to have a say, especially at 9. It's not like she's a baby. It sounds like she's a verbally abusive parent, and possibly physically abusive. The only person who knows for sure is the child. For any child to say something like that, in their parent's earshot, is a sure signal to me that the mom shouldn't have custody. That take a lot of guts!

Legally, the child has zero say. Children live where their parents tell them to and when the parents don't agree, they live where the judge tells them to live.

From what was posted, the judge told the child to live at her mother's. During the initial custody battle "best interest of the child" should have been used to rule. The assumption at this point is that mom's place is in the best interest of the child. Dad would need to show a significant change in circumstance in the child's life. If Dad feels that the child is being physically abused, he need to call CPS. If this child is being abused, dad will need proof for court. If the child does not already have a GAL, I would hope that Dad (or Mom) would ask that one be assigned.

The problem with letting a 9 year old child think she has any choice in where she lives is that it puts adult pressure on her to pick one parent or the other. No child should ever be made to choose between their parents. It is highly inappropriate. Parents need to love their children more than they hate their ex. All a child should be told is that both parents love her. (And OP stated that "we" filed for custody. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that she meant dad filed for custody as OP is a legal stranger to her.)

Mavh - As I said I don't mean to be harsh, my tone of voice is sympathetic.

 

[Shari]

J3 you make a very good point.

On the flip side of the coin, tho, the parents shouldn't keep the child from the ex-spouse for the sake of keeping the child away, but it happens all the time and sounds like this might be one of those cases. If the parents are married and the kid says "I wanna ride with dad to the grocery store" mom's not going to say "YOU CAN'T GO WITH HIM!!!"...but once divorced...it happens all the time.

I'm divorced, and I'm not so sure it shouldn't be illegal. Or at least a lot harder to get. I know a lot of divorced people and the people who use their kids as pawns far outweigh the people who do right by their kid, probably 10 to 1. Its not right, but I don't know how you fix it.

And for the record, I feel like a hippocrite saying that, given I will do anything to keep my ex out of wee difficult child's picture at this point...but, I justify that because he made a choice 7 years ago to walk away from difficult child...bringing him back into the picture now would not be good for difficult child...so I just intend to make him stick with his original choice, at least until such a time as it won't be detrimental to difficult child.

I'm sure my opinion of easy child 2's mom is jaded, too. Again, I justify that by saying I knew her 10 years before easy child 2 was born...and my opinion of her hasn't changed.

 

[mavh2005]

Ok... husband has shared custody. Its split 50/50. difficult child may have a say during court. We plan on asking for a GAL. CPS has been called numerous times... but they always give BM a heads up and she threatens difficult child... BM has now taken her kids (including difficult child) and moved in with her mom. There's 9 people living in a 3 bedroom apartment. difficult child was sleeping on the couch or an air mattress with her 4 year old half sister. Now all of a sudden difficult child is going to get her own room. Hmmm... because we filed for custody? yep. happened before. When custody was orginally granted, things weren't this bad. Its gotten worse over time and difficult child has finally had enough.

BM is also bi-polar, adhd and depressed... this was all diagnosed in the last 6 months. I don't think she's medication complaint either.

 

[JJJ]

Ok... husband has shared custody. Its split 50/50. difficult child may have a say during court. We plan on asking for a GAL.

Excellent. A good GAL really can get to the heart of the matter and be a strong advocate for a child.

CPS has been called numerous times... but they always give BM a heads up and she threatens difficult child...

The GAL should be able to get past the threats.