I remember reading years ago, one of those stress test questionnaires, the ones where you score yourself for every type of stress event in your life in a certain time period, then score yourself for your likelihood of having a problem due to stress-related illness.
Maybe you could find one of these and show it to him, get him to run the test on himself (or maybe you could score it together, if he wants your help). YOu run it on him first, quietly to yourself, then when he's run it ask him how he scored.
The main reason for doing this, is if he scores high, then at least he knows he's in a higher risk category and any bad feelings can be laid at the door of his stress levels and NOT his own actual 'badness'.
There's a really good TV program difficult child 3 & I were watching today, it's designed for kids in Australia about to go from elementary to high school (for us, that's about age 11 or 12) and it talks to kids about how to manage stress, how to recognise and deal with depression, negative self-talk etc. Today was talking about reality check and using the reality check to test your thoughts for helpfulness or not. What are realistic thoughts? it's one of our educational programs, It's part of the "Being Me" series on ABC TV. There is another related TV program called "Like It Is", also on ABC TV. You might be able to access teacher notes on these.
An important point to make to difficult child, is that even a good change in our lioves can still add to our stress. Let's say he wins a talent contest and becomes famous - you would be excited, suddenly very rich, getting lots of attention for donig something you enjoy - but yes, it would still be very stressful. Look what's happened to Susan Boyle - she's done well on the talent show, she's got what she said she alwasy dreamed of - a chance to sing professionally, to really develop her voice and be recognised for it - but the reality caused her to crack, she needed hospitalisation. They are doing everything they can to help her over this, interestingly they had her moved to a luxurious apartment where she can be looked after and a lot of worries managed on her behalf - but she wanted her cat with her. That was a very sensile and healthy response from her, having her cat with her is great therapy, it's also holding on to something familiar from before the fame. The cat loves her unconditionally, doesn't care about her new fame. The cat is grounding in all the chaos.
You could also point out that Barack Obama's family will also be gonig through some interesting stresses. Perhaps get difficult child to run the test on their behalf, to the best of public knowledge. Their parents will be doing everything they can to normalise life for those little girls, but some changes are unavoidable. To suddenly have your father become President of the USA would be a child's magical dream, but the reality is going to be very stressful.
Your son has a strong need to be in control of his life, but sudden and uncontrollable change is going to REALLYstress such a person. The best way he can regain the control he craves, is to learn to be his own therapist. And even the best professional therapists book in for a session with another therapist form time to time. There is an old saying - the doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient.
So let him learn to self-analyse but he also needs to recognise tat sharing his own self-analysis with a specialist is a good way to check his own accuracy. When we've been through a diffficult or stressful time, we will come through it fastest and easiest if we can recognise when to yell for help.
I am a very independent and self-controlled person. So when the stress overload hit me hard, I self-analysed as I have done so often in the past. When I realised I was beyond being able to help myself, I asked around to find out who I could get to help me. I did end up seeing a psychiatrist but frankly, he was useless. Heshouldn't have been - it was just a bad choice, I've since herd from other patients that he wasn't much help to them, either.
I kept asking around. School counsellors. A hospital psychologist I was briefly referred to six months later. Friends who offered to be a sounding board. Finally the best help I got was from a church pastor who was on a team of counsellors assigned to the town. I only needed acouple of sessions with him, I did see the others over that time also, but his help was the best. From there I was able to continue on my own.
I described my stress overload as being like the Gordian knot (look up Alexander the Great). I was trying to unravel the knot, trying to find the end so I could begin working on it, but I needed other eyes to help me find the end of it. Once I found the loose end, I was able to continue working on it at my own pace, as and when I got the opportiunity to do so. It took me some years, but at least I knew where I was going and what was happening to me. Meanwhile I saw others around me who did not have the same self-awareness, who were suffering from the self-doubts, the depression, the blues, all because they were overloaded beyond their own realisation.
He knows you're watching his MySpace. That is good. He is expressing his feelings. Also good. But part of growing up and maturing (as he is) is learning to be responsible about your feelings. These feelings are valid, they are real, they are big. Don't try to jolly him out of them, or try to tell him to not let things upset him. It's too late, he IS upset. The feelnigs are huge and out of control. But he CAN do something about it himself, by learning to recognise where the emotions are coming from - him, or the overload (which is outside of him but forcing its way in).
I hope he lets you show him how to help himself.
Marg
