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Parent Emeritus
difficult child's narrative to his life -how very, very sad
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<blockquote data-quote="dstc_99" data-source="post: 637844" data-attributes="member: 15473"><p>Suzir,</p><p>I think this is probably pretty normal considering his past. When I think about my life when I am down or in a bad place I tend to go there. I know we don't know the whole story with difficult child and thats fine but from what I can gather from your posts I get the gist.</p><p> </p><p>1. When you are a victim you dont just feel angry at the person who victimized you. You are angry at yourself and anyone else you think might have been able to stop it. The most twisted thing I found though is that I truly felt there was something in me that made this happen. That my own flaws made me a target. Essentially i thought something about me had been broken even before I was victimized. I was not a whole person and I felt pretty worthless.</p><p> </p><p>2. Once you are a victim you start looking at things differently. Everything is against you. It is always personal. You self sabotage when things are starting to go bad. You try so hard to be perfect and excel that when you make a small mistake you feel like everyone is focused on it and like you are under a microscope. A boss giving you a verbal warning to not be late means he hates you and you are a failure that will make you a target. All your coworkers are now watching for your mistakes. The next thing you know you are missing work and or not doing as well at work and then you quit before they can fire you. Why because you are worthless.</p><p> </p><p>Normal situations easily become all about the victim and their worthlessness. I'll give a few scenarios so you can feel how twisted the thinking is</p><p> </p><p>Two teenage daughters who are both pissed at me because I didn't do what they wanted when they wanted it and how they wanted it.</p><p>= I am a worthless mother that can't even make her own kids love her. I should just move out and leave them with husband because he could parent them so much better.</p><p> </p><p>Having a mediator come in and help you work out an issue you have with a coworker.</p><p>= I am such a bother to everyone and I don't bring anything good to this relationship why would the job even want me. They don't have to do this for other workers so I a pain. I am just a worthless worker who will screw it all up anyway.</p><p> </p><p>You get the point. I have a very hard time not going to a dark place and thinking this way. I have actually had to teach myself ways to get out of it. Certain activities usually do the trick to get me past the worst of it. From there I can start to dig out. Sometimes you just have to find that thing that can pull you back from the edge and cling to it.</p><p> </p><p>I wish him luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dstc_99, post: 637844, member: 15473"] Suzir, I think this is probably pretty normal considering his past. When I think about my life when I am down or in a bad place I tend to go there. I know we don't know the whole story with difficult child and thats fine but from what I can gather from your posts I get the gist. 1. When you are a victim you dont just feel angry at the person who victimized you. You are angry at yourself and anyone else you think might have been able to stop it. The most twisted thing I found though is that I truly felt there was something in me that made this happen. That my own flaws made me a target. Essentially i thought something about me had been broken even before I was victimized. I was not a whole person and I felt pretty worthless. 2. Once you are a victim you start looking at things differently. Everything is against you. It is always personal. You self sabotage when things are starting to go bad. You try so hard to be perfect and excel that when you make a small mistake you feel like everyone is focused on it and like you are under a microscope. A boss giving you a verbal warning to not be late means he hates you and you are a failure that will make you a target. All your coworkers are now watching for your mistakes. The next thing you know you are missing work and or not doing as well at work and then you quit before they can fire you. Why because you are worthless. Normal situations easily become all about the victim and their worthlessness. I'll give a few scenarios so you can feel how twisted the thinking is Two teenage daughters who are both pissed at me because I didn't do what they wanted when they wanted it and how they wanted it. = I am a worthless mother that can't even make her own kids love her. I should just move out and leave them with husband because he could parent them so much better. Having a mediator come in and help you work out an issue you have with a coworker. = I am such a bother to everyone and I don't bring anything good to this relationship why would the job even want me. They don't have to do this for other workers so I a pain. I am just a worthless worker who will screw it all up anyway. You get the point. I have a very hard time not going to a dark place and thinking this way. I have actually had to teach myself ways to get out of it. Certain activities usually do the trick to get me past the worst of it. From there I can start to dig out. Sometimes you just have to find that thing that can pull you back from the edge and cling to it. I wish him luck. [/QUOTE]
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