difficult child's reminders

[AmericanGirl]

Things have been quiet here. difficult child is still not working. He's living off the money he got from trading the vehicle bio dad gave him for a cheaper one.

He calls or messages me about every 4-5 days. I haven't seen him in two weeks. He wants to return to college next month but I'm refusing to release his college fund since he isn't working. Laying around all day doesn't make me believe he is ready to pass classes. Duhhh

Anyhow, difficult child borrowed my crutches in May when he fell off his skateboard. I hurt my foot. Messaged him saying I was being referred to an Ortho. Bone broken. Need my crutches.

He responded to tell me he would get them when "I get the rest of my stuff from my old place. Trust me, I'm not getting them any sooner or later based on these things. You can find someone to borrow some from."

One more good reminder of who he really is. Didn't ask how I was, etc. it's always all about him. Personally, I think he is hateful to the point of being abusive.

Thankfully, the Ortho put me in a boot so I didn't need them after all. Not that difficult child cares.

 

[Nancy]

AG you are right not to put up with that abuse. I would not release his college funds either.

 

[DammitJanet]

I hope I dont offend but that is being a jerk! I wouldnt let him have that college fund either. Heck I think I might cash it in and put it in your retirement account!

 

[Kathy813]

There is no doubt that he is being abusive. Why do we take things from our difficult child's that we wouldn't accept from anyone else? I am guilty of that, too.

Stay strong and remind yourself of this the next time he wants something from you. I've gotten to the point where I have started writing down things my difficult child says and does and I pull them out and look at them when I feel myself starting to waiver.

~Kathy

 

[DDD]

Sorry. "jerk" is a nice word to describe his behavior.......nicer than he deserves. As you know all decisions are yours but I am not sure I would respond to his messages. He is being abusive and controlling. We are all on your side. DDD

 

[lovemysons]

AG,
I am so sorry for your difficult child's lack of compassion towards you.
Your son reminds me of my oldest in the past...and Yes, his behavior was abusive.
Alot of anger going on inside your son that I am sure has Nothing to do with you...but sigh, you are the one he feels "safest" to lash out at. I wish it didn't work that way.

I hope your foot is healing up.
Hugs and love,
LMS

 

[Kathy813]

During one of our recent phone calls to the family therapist, I was relaying the things difficult child was saying to us like that she would kill herself or go live with a heroin addict that got her started using heroin if we didn't do x, y, or z. Our family therapist said she was being abusive.

I was surprised when she use the word abusive and told her that. Her response was that emotional blackmail was abuse, pure and simple. When I thought I about it I realized she was right and I could stop it cold by refusing to listen to it.

That gave me a sense of empowerment and I now have blocked her texts and have her calls sent to voicemail and choose when and if I want to return her calls. I have made it very clear that as soon as the emotional blackmail starts, I will hang up. It has gotten much better since then.

Your difficult child's callous disregard for your well-being was also abusive and I am glad that you saw it for what it was.

~Kathy

 

[AmericanGirl]

Thank you all for your feedback. Kathy, I have a list too. I texted it to myself so I would always have it near..

And I think 'jerk' may be a compliment. Scotti, I'd cash in his college fund if I could.

He called today. I brought up the issue. He said, "We'll doesn't it have my SS number on it?" Uh NO. It has mine. I am the owner. difficult child has already talked with the head of financial aid at the college who told him to go work it out with me. difficult child then called the state (it's a state college fund) and they told him the same thing. He is stubborn, delusional or both.

i've put a secret word on the account cause I'm afraid difficult child will forge my signature.

I asked him what he wanted to do in the fall. Go to school full time was his answer. I then asked how he will support himself. He said he didn't have time to work full time and go to school.

the outright arrogance that difficult child can betray me as deeply as he has plus not work plus fail classes yet -- still expect I will fund college and support him -- proves he is a complete fool.

*he didn't ask how my foot was...no surprise there.

i agree with you DDD about not responding. He used another phone. I need to just let voice mail get those calls.

 

[DammitJanet]

Good thinking on the secret word. I had to do that when I had a house phone because mine would try to find ways around my blocks. My phone was so locked down you couldnt even call 0 for the operator. Local calls and 911 only.