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Difficult mother-daughter relationship
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 662657" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Now I understand better. You feel guilt, I think.</p><p></p><p>Have you thought about the possibility of adopting the baby formally, and freeing your daughter to go about her life?</p><p>Oh dear. This is hard. Because you could not have known how hard on her would be the birth and delivery. Even if you knew she had a preexisting condition you could not now how hard it would be.</p><p></p><p>You thought you were giving her the best counsel possible. After all she was exposed to the same belief system as you and your Mom. She could well have suffered more from the decision to abort. I know women who never get over abortions. Other do.</p><p></p><p>You did what you thought best at the time.</p><p></p><p>You did not know then. Nobody does.</p><p></p><p>It could have worked out better. Or maybe worse.. She was a child. It was your responsibility to help her decide.</p><p></p><p>Whether or not she had the legal right to decide, what 15 year old really can, knowing what will be the real consequences? Not too many. It was your responsibility to help her. It is your responsibility now, too.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, bygones are bygones. We are in the now.</p><p></p><p>Guilt does not help.</p><p></p><p>I do not think you did a bad job as a Mom. You are a good Mom and a good grandma. I have problems with my son but still I am a good mother. It happens to people.</p><p></p><p>Even making mistakes, I am a good mother. You too. We have to go forward.</p><p>'</p><p>Keep posting. I will watch for you.</p><p></p><p>PS About the thought you set up your granddaughter. Think about it. All of us were set up. We are born innocents in families, often with a boat load of problems and spend ourselves our lives dealing with it and digging ourselves out of a hole. That's life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 662657, member: 18958"] Now I understand better. You feel guilt, I think. Have you thought about the possibility of adopting the baby formally, and freeing your daughter to go about her life? Oh dear. This is hard. Because you could not have known how hard on her would be the birth and delivery. Even if you knew she had a preexisting condition you could not now how hard it would be. You thought you were giving her the best counsel possible. After all she was exposed to the same belief system as you and your Mom. She could well have suffered more from the decision to abort. I know women who never get over abortions. Other do. You did what you thought best at the time. You did not know then. Nobody does. It could have worked out better. Or maybe worse.. She was a child. It was your responsibility to help her decide. Whether or not she had the legal right to decide, what 15 year old really can, knowing what will be the real consequences? Not too many. It was your responsibility to help her. It is your responsibility now, too. Anyway, bygones are bygones. We are in the now. Guilt does not help. I do not think you did a bad job as a Mom. You are a good Mom and a good grandma. I have problems with my son but still I am a good mother. It happens to people. Even making mistakes, I am a good mother. You too. We have to go forward. ' Keep posting. I will watch for you. PS About the thought you set up your granddaughter. Think about it. All of us were set up. We are born innocents in families, often with a boat load of problems and spend ourselves our lives dealing with it and digging ourselves out of a hole. That's life. [/QUOTE]
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