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Substance Abuse
Difficult phone conversation with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Gone" data-source="post: 641457"><p>Ahhhh thank you guys</p><p></p><p>You are right about the STRESS , when I left last time they looked on me as being WEAK and irresponsible!!!</p><p></p><p>Like I said THEY go home every day after their stressful jobs and leave it behind them and at the weekends as well , yet they expect me to supervise my grown difficult child 24/7 and not get any help or support with it , they expect SO much and dare I say TOO much!!!</p><p></p><p>''If your daughter drinks you HAVE to be there'' is what I was told , so I was , for 5 months till I ended up with burn out and was no good for my GS then even!</p><p></p><p>If I had the responsibility of just ONE of them ie my GS it would have turned out differently , but they still blame me for LEAVING even though they ENCOURAGE women to leave an alcoholic partner , they USE me basically , when it suits THEM</p><p></p><p>My difficult child has gone and told them today that I will be staying 2 or 3 months with her ...... HELL NO , she knows if I am there to ensure my GS is ok they are more likely to ''let'' her have him back!</p><p></p><p>She spoke to the new SW today who told her a flat out ''NO'' but she is TRYING to CONVINCE them to let her have him back so she is using me to to try and get him back and yet when I do ''report back to them'' re her drinking she has a GO at me</p><p></p><p>She expects me to be there but not report her drinking to SS</p><p></p><p>I need to have a meeting with them myself and ask them what would happen if I was NOT there as I DON'T agree with her decision to take him home so soon anyway!</p><p></p><p>It is only if they LET her that I felt I would have to be there and supervise and report back to them like I had to do last time but I do NOT relish that role at all <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/disgusted.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":disgusted:" title="disgusted :disgusted:" data-shortname=":disgusted:" /></p><p></p><p>If they got an emergency protection order from the court then they could take him back pretty much immediately , but if the court says no as there has to be risk of ''significant harm'' then we're stuffed</p><p></p><p>I actually think in some ways it would be better if I ask what would happen if I decide NOT to be there as then he WOULD be at risk of harm but they would have to PROVE it to the court which might be difficult as risk of 'significant' harm is a grey area!!!</p><p></p><p>And poor little man is in the bl**dy middle of all this!</p><p></p><p>As am I..</p><p></p><p>I have told my difficult child that it is <strong>NOT a good idea for her to take him if they say no</strong> but she still plans to do it either way which is the dangerous thing as that is not seen as 'working with them' OR 'in the childs best interests' as it is TOO SOON , WAY too soon but she won't or refuses to SEE THAT!!</p><p></p><p>She said she is going to go for a daily breathalyser but fat lot of good that will do as she can lay off the drink for about a week as she plans to take him back next week now!</p><p></p><p>I don't want anything to do with it BUT I don't want my GS LEFT ALONE WITH HER either!!!</p><p></p><p>I would have to go home at SOME point anyway and what the HELL happens THEN if she is still drinking which I suspect she will</p><p></p><p>Hopefully I can relay all this to the SW and let her know that I have advised my difficult child NOT to take him if they are against it which unsurprisingly they are</p><p></p><p>One hair strand test or blood test and they would see with evidence that she has still been drinking recently but they said even if she has NOT it is still TOO EARLY for him to be returned and I absolutely AGREE</p><p></p><p>At least they will know I am against it and I told her it is best NOT to take him but doubt she will listen to me but however much she wants me to support her decision I can't and I do not want to enable but I would want to protect if she does take him especially if there is no court order issued for SS to take him back but what would that do to my GS??? ... Thinking he is ''home'' and then suddenly being REMOVED again and WHY does my difficult child not even think about that , she is desperate to have him home for Christmas , the SW said MANY other families are in the same position too and try and get there kids home for Christmas even if it is not the right time for them yet and if she just ACCEPTED that he WON'T be home for Christmas none of this stress would be going on for us</p><p></p><p>I prefer to know he is SAFE AND SOUND wherever he is and he is SETTLED and safe where he is and that is good enough for me for now even though I am SAD too that I don't know how long we will be away from each other for but patience is INDEED a virtue! <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/love-little.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":love-little:" title="love-little :love-little:" data-shortname=":love-little:" /> x</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gone, post: 641457"] Ahhhh thank you guys You are right about the STRESS , when I left last time they looked on me as being WEAK and irresponsible!!! Like I said THEY go home every day after their stressful jobs and leave it behind them and at the weekends as well , yet they expect me to supervise my grown difficult child 24/7 and not get any help or support with it , they expect SO much and dare I say TOO much!!! ''If your daughter drinks you HAVE to be there'' is what I was told , so I was , for 5 months till I ended up with burn out and was no good for my GS then even! If I had the responsibility of just ONE of them ie my GS it would have turned out differently , but they still blame me for LEAVING even though they ENCOURAGE women to leave an alcoholic partner , they USE me basically , when it suits THEM My difficult child has gone and told them today that I will be staying 2 or 3 months with her ...... HELL NO , she knows if I am there to ensure my GS is ok they are more likely to ''let'' her have him back! She spoke to the new SW today who told her a flat out ''NO'' but she is TRYING to CONVINCE them to let her have him back so she is using me to to try and get him back and yet when I do ''report back to them'' re her drinking she has a GO at me She expects me to be there but not report her drinking to SS I need to have a meeting with them myself and ask them what would happen if I was NOT there as I DON'T agree with her decision to take him home so soon anyway! It is only if they LET her that I felt I would have to be there and supervise and report back to them like I had to do last time but I do NOT relish that role at all :disgusted: If they got an emergency protection order from the court then they could take him back pretty much immediately , but if the court says no as there has to be risk of ''significant harm'' then we're stuffed I actually think in some ways it would be better if I ask what would happen if I decide NOT to be there as then he WOULD be at risk of harm but they would have to PROVE it to the court which might be difficult as risk of 'significant' harm is a grey area!!! And poor little man is in the bl**dy middle of all this! As am I.. I have told my difficult child that it is [B]NOT a good idea for her to take him if they say no[/B] but she still plans to do it either way which is the dangerous thing as that is not seen as 'working with them' OR 'in the childs best interests' as it is TOO SOON , WAY too soon but she won't or refuses to SEE THAT!! She said she is going to go for a daily breathalyser but fat lot of good that will do as she can lay off the drink for about a week as she plans to take him back next week now! I don't want anything to do with it BUT I don't want my GS LEFT ALONE WITH HER either!!! I would have to go home at SOME point anyway and what the HELL happens THEN if she is still drinking which I suspect she will Hopefully I can relay all this to the SW and let her know that I have advised my difficult child NOT to take him if they are against it which unsurprisingly they are One hair strand test or blood test and they would see with evidence that she has still been drinking recently but they said even if she has NOT it is still TOO EARLY for him to be returned and I absolutely AGREE At least they will know I am against it and I told her it is best NOT to take him but doubt she will listen to me but however much she wants me to support her decision I can't and I do not want to enable but I would want to protect if she does take him especially if there is no court order issued for SS to take him back but what would that do to my GS??? ... Thinking he is ''home'' and then suddenly being REMOVED again and WHY does my difficult child not even think about that , she is desperate to have him home for Christmas , the SW said MANY other families are in the same position too and try and get there kids home for Christmas even if it is not the right time for them yet and if she just ACCEPTED that he WON'T be home for Christmas none of this stress would be going on for us I prefer to know he is SAFE AND SOUND wherever he is and he is SETTLED and safe where he is and that is good enough for me for now even though I am SAD too that I don't know how long we will be away from each other for but patience is INDEED a virtue! :love-little: x [/QUOTE]
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