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Substance Abuse
Difficult phone conversation with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641461" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You do not need to be a part of this. I wouldn't agree to do it. You can not know if your daughter drinks all the time. Alcoholics are great sneaks. Who made you responsible? It's not possible for her to know what she does every moment. Are you legally responsible or can you back off? I never heard of this before and I've been involved with adoption and foster care moms for twenty or more years.</p><p></p><p>Here is the hardest part.</p><p></p><p>Since GS has been thrown back and forth so often, it is best he stay in the safest place and not move again. DNA is less important that who can truly parent him and your daughter can not. If it were me, I could not police her and the more your GS goes back and forth from place to place the more messed up he will be. I've fostered kids who never get one stable place to stay and it tears them up inside and they start to shut down and not care about anybody. Your daughter is very selfish, but you know that and can't change her.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion now it's time to take care of yourself and tell SS to take a hike. Do they pay you to do their work for them? If she lies to them, let her. SS seems determined to give GS back to her anyway. And then, of course, she will screw up and he'll be back in care. I hate to say this, but I don't think you can save him. He is already living a very unstable life and it is unlikely to change. And you can't do anything about it. And I'm sorry that you can't, but I know how these agencies work. </p><p></p><p>Here is a true story that I know you'll believe and it's one of the big reasons hubby and I finally said "I'm done" to foster care. A little boy, in his infancy, was thrown against a wall by his birthmother, who was a druggie. He went to foster care and his foster parents adored him and nursed him back to health. He was in a body cast for a year. They asked if they could adopt him. They were told, well, no, they can't because the "mother" was rehabilitated and he was going back to her. Yes, the one who slammed him against a wall. So he did. And three months later she told SS she was sick of him and to take him back. So the foster family, hearing this, begged to have him back. That would make sense, right?</p><p></p><p>Well, yes, and maybe that's why SS didn't make that decision. They gave him other foster parents. By now this toddler had lived with three people and had spent a year in a body cast and was a mess. He hadn't been before, but he was by then. Eventually, the foster parents said they couldn't handle him...he was too hard...and finally, finally SS gave him to the couple that wanted to adopt him. They still did, although he was now angry, violent, a mess. SS still made them wait before terminating birthmother's rights. It was a while before they finally got to adopt him. By then, he was never going to be a normal kid and he was no longer even attached to them, but last I heard they hung in there.</p><p></p><p>This kind of story makes me feel so hopeless for the poor kids in care. Yet it also shows how weird they are and how the child is the least of their concerns. The biological parent comes first. That's why, unless it is way different in the UK and it doesn't sound like it, I feel it is best just to back off and move on. What you want to happen won't happen. And your GS will not get a stable home anyway, and he's getting up there in age and probably not getting the interventions he needs for his autism. </p><p></p><p>Poor baby.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641461, member: 1550"] You do not need to be a part of this. I wouldn't agree to do it. You can not know if your daughter drinks all the time. Alcoholics are great sneaks. Who made you responsible? It's not possible for her to know what she does every moment. Are you legally responsible or can you back off? I never heard of this before and I've been involved with adoption and foster care moms for twenty or more years. Here is the hardest part. Since GS has been thrown back and forth so often, it is best he stay in the safest place and not move again. DNA is less important that who can truly parent him and your daughter can not. If it were me, I could not police her and the more your GS goes back and forth from place to place the more messed up he will be. I've fostered kids who never get one stable place to stay and it tears them up inside and they start to shut down and not care about anybody. Your daughter is very selfish, but you know that and can't change her. in my opinion now it's time to take care of yourself and tell SS to take a hike. Do they pay you to do their work for them? If she lies to them, let her. SS seems determined to give GS back to her anyway. And then, of course, she will screw up and he'll be back in care. I hate to say this, but I don't think you can save him. He is already living a very unstable life and it is unlikely to change. And you can't do anything about it. And I'm sorry that you can't, but I know how these agencies work. Here is a true story that I know you'll believe and it's one of the big reasons hubby and I finally said "I'm done" to foster care. A little boy, in his infancy, was thrown against a wall by his birthmother, who was a druggie. He went to foster care and his foster parents adored him and nursed him back to health. He was in a body cast for a year. They asked if they could adopt him. They were told, well, no, they can't because the "mother" was rehabilitated and he was going back to her. Yes, the one who slammed him against a wall. So he did. And three months later she told SS she was sick of him and to take him back. So the foster family, hearing this, begged to have him back. That would make sense, right? Well, yes, and maybe that's why SS didn't make that decision. They gave him other foster parents. By now this toddler had lived with three people and had spent a year in a body cast and was a mess. He hadn't been before, but he was by then. Eventually, the foster parents said they couldn't handle him...he was too hard...and finally, finally SS gave him to the couple that wanted to adopt him. They still did, although he was now angry, violent, a mess. SS still made them wait before terminating birthmother's rights. It was a while before they finally got to adopt him. By then, he was never going to be a normal kid and he was no longer even attached to them, but last I heard they hung in there. This kind of story makes me feel so hopeless for the poor kids in care. Yet it also shows how weird they are and how the child is the least of their concerns. The biological parent comes first. That's why, unless it is way different in the UK and it doesn't sound like it, I feel it is best just to back off and move on. What you want to happen won't happen. And your GS will not get a stable home anyway, and he's getting up there in age and probably not getting the interventions he needs for his autism. Poor baby. [/QUOTE]
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