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Difficult topic: Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 642421" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>I go through this off and on but more so because of my health issues. Since the diagnosis of CRPS (Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome) I have been living in utter hell with no way out. I almost always feel frustrated at my lack of ability to do the things I used to do or have any semblance of my former life. I am in bed a lot, mostly waiting out the pain - since I stopped taking all opiates.</p><p>I have so many other diagnosis as well, along with experiencing pain, because this disease effects the nervous system, I have so many "other" things pop up that it drives me mad sometimes. I am: constipated/have diarrhea, my eyes hurt, headaches, nausea/vomiting, muscle cramping, and oh so tired all the time. (plus so many more - every part of my body has had symptoms since I was diagnosed with this damn disease). Sometimes I feel so bad, I swear that <em>I must be dying and the Doctor's just haven't diagnosed whatever it is I am dying from yet!</em> (by the way anyone who has complaints of those of us on SSDI - at least I would rather be NOT SICK and working than have this life I have now!<em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p></p><p>Yes, this part gets to me as well as being this sick can be so isolating. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I also feel this way and this is why I am back in therapy. I have to find my footing in this "new normal" for me - being hopelessly, chronically ill. When you wake up every day hoping and praying for just one good day, the darkness of not having had one in so long can be extremely depressing.</p><p></p><p>Ironically becoming this sick is what kind of lead to NC with difficult child daughter again. (also how she got her foot back in the door for a while there - I was to sick for months to even get out of bed and she just started showing up) Of course one of the huge elephants in the room had been, between being NC for 4 years and then in contact for just over a year, was the money I invested with which she then cheated me out of my share of the profits. (I had given her the bigger share because I was not on SSDI but could no longer work) When I finally addressed the issue she kept trying to degrade my husband and trying to pass the blame on him, but he is the one that was informing and showing me the paperwork of what was going on with her financial shenanigans at the time it was happening. One thing dear difficult child to never do is to put down the one loving and responsible person who has been not only the primary financial provider but the best damn caregiver ever for your very sick mom. </p><p>When I was in contact with her she would say disgusting things like: "well when you need me to take over my husband (hers) is going to be the one wiping your ass". Yeah right, while her main job would be wiping out my bank accounts. Funny thing is she didn't even realized what was wrong with what she was saying and it was a lot of those things that I learned to listen and not question because they helped me better understand what I was dealing with. I thought I could keep up with the cold games of a sociopath - hah who am I kidding?</p><p>It still it made me the angriest how mean she was to husband, who loves me with all his heart and shows it every single day. She was trying to isolate me from the person who cared about me the most - yes difficult child's are capable of playing the same DV scenarios that those abusers do. (and it's not like he is new on the scene he has been a part of her life for more than half of her life). That's what finally grabbed me in my throat and said - no more - DONE!</p><p>I am in a lonely place, not currently depressed beyond the norm, but I wanted you to know MWM that you are not alone in your thoughts.</p><p></p><p>Thanks once again for the site where I can share my feelings in an open and honest way.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 642421, member: 18366"] I go through this off and on but more so because of my health issues. Since the diagnosis of CRPS (Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome) I have been living in utter hell with no way out. I almost always feel frustrated at my lack of ability to do the things I used to do or have any semblance of my former life. I am in bed a lot, mostly waiting out the pain - since I stopped taking all opiates. I have so many other diagnosis as well, along with experiencing pain, because this disease effects the nervous system, I have so many "other" things pop up that it drives me mad sometimes. I am: constipated/have diarrhea, my eyes hurt, headaches, nausea/vomiting, muscle cramping, and oh so tired all the time. (plus so many more - every part of my body has had symptoms since I was diagnosed with this damn disease). Sometimes I feel so bad, I swear that [I]I must be dying and the Doctor's just haven't diagnosed whatever it is I am dying from yet![/I] (by the way anyone who has complaints of those of us on SSDI - at least I would rather be NOT SICK and working than have this life I have now![I] [/I] Yes, this part gets to me as well as being this sick can be so isolating. I also feel this way and this is why I am back in therapy. I have to find my footing in this "new normal" for me - being hopelessly, chronically ill. When you wake up every day hoping and praying for just one good day, the darkness of not having had one in so long can be extremely depressing. Ironically becoming this sick is what kind of lead to NC with difficult child daughter again. (also how she got her foot back in the door for a while there - I was to sick for months to even get out of bed and she just started showing up) Of course one of the huge elephants in the room had been, between being NC for 4 years and then in contact for just over a year, was the money I invested with which she then cheated me out of my share of the profits. (I had given her the bigger share because I was not on SSDI but could no longer work) When I finally addressed the issue she kept trying to degrade my husband and trying to pass the blame on him, but he is the one that was informing and showing me the paperwork of what was going on with her financial shenanigans at the time it was happening. One thing dear difficult child to never do is to put down the one loving and responsible person who has been not only the primary financial provider but the best damn caregiver ever for your very sick mom. When I was in contact with her she would say disgusting things like: "well when you need me to take over my husband (hers) is going to be the one wiping your ass". Yeah right, while her main job would be wiping out my bank accounts. Funny thing is she didn't even realized what was wrong with what she was saying and it was a lot of those things that I learned to listen and not question because they helped me better understand what I was dealing with. I thought I could keep up with the cold games of a sociopath - hah who am I kidding? It still it made me the angriest how mean she was to husband, who loves me with all his heart and shows it every single day. She was trying to isolate me from the person who cared about me the most - yes difficult child's are capable of playing the same DV scenarios that those abusers do. (and it's not like he is new on the scene he has been a part of her life for more than half of her life). That's what finally grabbed me in my throat and said - no more - DONE! I am in a lonely place, not currently depressed beyond the norm, but I wanted you to know MWM that you are not alone in your thoughts. Thanks once again for the site where I can share my feelings in an open and honest way. [I][/I] [I][/I] [/QUOTE]
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