Hi everyone, It's been quite a while (I'll fix my signature after this post, so ignore it if it conflicts with info here). I posted about my son years ago. While he's still very much my in-your-face difficult child, my teen is my current focus. First, about the buzz words- Every program, book, or article I've ever read talks about how punishing doesn't work, but instead there should be consequences, then they sometimes go on to list consequences that ARE punishments. They all talk about boundaries and limits and rules, but rarely expand on that. But nothing is ever specific. What do I *DO* when the teen lies? What do I do when she doesn't complete her school work (she's home schooled, so no letting the teacher handle it!)? How do I enforce our rules? Even though she does not have a conduct disorder, I thought you guys could help the most. She does have asperger's (I know, not a specific diagnosis anymore), and is too intelligent for her current maturity. We do not have very much screen time. Certainly not enough to use it as a reward/punishment/consequence. daughter only has music on her iPod. She uses the computer for science and math, and that's in front of me on 2 specific websites. She doesn't have many friends, and I'm limiting the time she can see the people she calls friends because they treat her like crap and as a group are ridiculously inappropriate (someone thought it would be a good idea to dare a boy to grope her in front of her little brother (he's 10)!). This friend limiting has me in a catch-22; She can't go out until her lessons and chores are done, but I'm not up her butt too much about getting it done, but then she's not motivated to get stuff done. When I've set up weekly things to do, she procrastinates through her morning, doesn't get her stuff done, and we still go to the activity. We go because the activities wouldn't exist if too many people left them! One of them is just a weekly meet up with others homeschoolers, and I feel it isn't right to abandon them. Sometimes only 1 other family comes, so it's not fair to those 2 kids. On the flip side, when I've stopped most weekly activities, she still farts around. This limits what I can do and it limits what my son can do. In a way, both kids are starting to rule the house. I've been nice. I've sat her down and explained how I was disappointed that she chose to ignore x responsibilities and all that crap, but she doesn't give a hoot. She antagonizes her brother until he snaps then cries victim and hides in her room. I'm working on an all encompassing short list of rules. My first thought was just to hang a sign that says "Don't be an " since that really covers every possible thing. But I thought my son's therapists wouldn't be too thrilled with it. Lol. I also want to create a punishment/consequence wheel for times when natural or logical doesn't fit. Like the lying. She not only hadn't finished her lessons or chores, she lied about having completed them (I wasn't home). I addressed the lessons and chores by telling her she had to do them, and thankfully telling her to do something is still possible, but I had no idea how to address the lying. I ignored it to see what she would say, but her response sucked even more. She said she just wanted to go to the library (computer), but knew she couldn't until she finished everything, and knew I wouldn't be home for a while. She also refuses to follow our schedule which sets our entire day wrong and I end up letting my son get away with things because I can't do the next thing. I have set up various reward charts with short and long term goals. She's earned a short reward, but then doesn't care. She wants in the moment. Give me netflix first and then I'l do my work. I'll say do your work by noon tomorrow and you can have it. At noon, she comes to me with unfinished work and expects the reward. Then has a mini-tantrum. None of this is her fault. Ive created the monster. But I don't know how to change the monster. It's me alone with the 2 kids.