Dim-whit -adopted daughters bio Mom just called me -

[Star*]

Ahhhh here I was thinking the call would be telling me that someone had passed away and we all needed to get together for the funeral.

Nope.

Or would it be something more horrific like something happened to one of the two daughters that she already isn't raising now? You remember the ones that her Mother (my friend) is raising? Ages 8 and 5. Both Girls.

Nope.

Or would it be to tell me maybe that she's finally found the man of her dreams, and is getting her own place, won the lotto, getting married, got a degree, has gotten her life together, gotten over her extreme case of Cranialrectalidis? Wants to look me in the eyes after three long years of being a total b double o b boob?

Nope.

Nah instead it was my friend, her Mother calling me. Calling to say that she had just gotten out of the hospital because she was admitted two days ago with chest pains from [[[[[stress]]]]]] and why prey-tell the stress? What could dim-wit have done this time? Lets review - two miscarriages, a live birth that died, a premie so tiny she fit in the crook of my arm, jail time, jail time, jail time, drugs, Mom YOU raise her, jail time, another premie so tiny her foot fit on my thumb, OMW she's so tiny, and this time - she said her Mom could HAVE the baby - she never made a connection with it. Jail time for stalking. Finally finished HS, finally went to college, FINALLY got an Associates, FINALLY got a job, STILL can't live on her own, but her Mom gives her a place to stay and she TRASHES it, moves out, moves in with a guy, he gives her the world, loves both the girls, and she calls that show about the house being haunted and has them come there and video her house and gets the little girls to lie about the ghosts in the house (attention seeking at it's best) then trashes THAT house, moves back in with her Mother - and leaves the kids there and runs around all hours of the night for her MOTHER to raise - and finally at 30 years old - working on her BA - trashing her Mothers house, having a job - and NOT on any public assistance for the first time in her life? What does dimwhit do?

You betcha - 6 weeks along with TWINS......and when my friend told her to get an abortion because she is sick and tired of raising this womans kids? The woman andher Aunts jumped her mess so badly? She had a heart attack.

Gosh you gotta love family. So now? She's been reduced to finding a place to live because the daughter told her - SHE needs the bigger bedroom (hers) for herself and the babies - and figures(oh this is classic) the Mom can make the pantry into a closet for herself and she can get a sleeper sofa OR (this is even better) just move out or move in with that guy she's been seeing. My friend was like WHAT GUY I've been seeing? The one I play cards with once a month? That has cancer, lives with HIS daughters? And she said YEAH - just move in with him. Problem solved. Oh and the house that dimwit wants her to move out of? Not hers....lol. They all live with the youngest sister of my friend.

Oh brother ----and NOW she gets why I washed my hands of nitwit girl 3 years ago and don't send cards for the ....oops I mean MY Grandkids. finger quote un finger quote.

......But uh - Please call Momma Star and tell her she's going to be a Grandma again.

PHOOEY! I asked my friend if she was ready to raise FOUR kids and she said - I'm moving. I just laughed - her family OWNS her. This will NEVER end.

And adoption? Oh are you kidding? My friend said twit stated "If it were one baby and another girl? Maybe, but Momma I'm having TWINS - I've always WANTED twins."

Oh I see..Like it's two rings in the bottom of a cracker jack box or something. My thought, although I said nothing was - WHAT if it's twin GIRLS? She's hoping for boys....but if it's twin girls? My friend said nothing but I can imagine my friend is praying for twin girls so TWIT will be so depressed at birth she agrees to adopt them out and not keep them. how very sad is that.

I think she just went from difficult child to Twit to Numbskull.

I usually don't feel sorry for my friend, because I largely think she's enabled a lot of this, but this is such an enmeshed situation and both her sisters, and her Mother and the entire family are all FOR dimwit and against friend who says "I'm already raising the other two, I'm not raising the new ones." I just felt so bad for her having a literal heart attack over the news." OH and since this is a high risk pregnancy? She laughed and said - OH and guess who will be in bed in about three weeks for the rest of her pregnancy for my ENTIRE Summer? (shes a bus-driver and was looking forward to just her and the girls at home for fun things with Mom at work)

UGH.

 

[Hound dog]

And you have not directed your friend to the board because??????????????

I know, I know. But honestly, she sounds like she could certainly use the board. omg

That girl would be outta my house so fast her head would spin round and round and to phhht what family thought or said about it. I'm all about family........but there is a vast difference between family sticking together and family getting used and svcked dry.

Wow.

Bff had that whole enmeshed in family thing going on. I swear she couldn't make a single decision without consulting them (the entire family) and even if the decision she wanted to make was sound and intelligent and theirs totally stupid? She'd pick theirs nearly every time. Only thing she wasn't that way about was the drugs and alcohol......and we see where that got her.

I don't understand that whole type of family dynamic. A person has got to think for themselves.

Can't say I blame you for being so frustrated. But I do understand that for many people going against what feels like your whole family is tough.......still. wow. I hope she either tosses the daughter out on her rear or moves far enough away from the drama that she is able to detach. I wonder if she'd like Ohio?

Someone needs to pound the daughter over the head a few hundred times.

Saying prayers for your friend that she recovers quickly without further incident.

((hugs))

 

[Star*]

SHE can't toss Numbskull out. The house girlfriend lives in is her Sisters! Her SISTER talked HER into giving up her house and letting NUMBSKULL and the girls live in it. (See if you can follow this)

So girlfriend gives up her house - and lets NS move in with her girls who actually were living there with their Granny. (basically my girlfriend moved out /in with her Sister and NS moved out of her boyfriend's house and into her Moms house)

NS started letting her boyfriend's (multiple) shack up there RENT FREE! AND.....the girls were always at The Aunties house with Grandma - ANYWAY.

So girlfriend went down to daughters/her house and found boyfriend #? there and tossed him out and house was FILTHY /trashed - and she took to cleaning it - and loaded garbage bag after bag/ then /girlfriend, sister ,and other sister took NS's clothes to Sisters house and moved her in spare room. girlfriend rented out the house.

So now - girlfriend, 8 year old and 5 year old Granddaughters, NS, Sister and her husband are all living in one huge house. They tell NS (GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER) NS is IRATE that they tossed out her boyfriend#?, cleaned the house, did her laundry and moved her into a clean room, VOWS to be a PITA - and starts going to work, not coming straight home - and not coming home at all on Wednesday nights. girlfriend is babysitting and taking care of the girls anyway - and the youngest really never bonded with her Mother - NS literally gave her to my girlfriend at birth. girlfriend keeps trying to "make" them bond. I gave up on the whole ball of wax years ago.

So NOW? I guess the NS announces she's pregnant and wants my girlfriend to move out her big room and give it to her for herself and the babies. (Laughable because - girlfriend takes care of the other babies what makes her think she'll take care of THESE babies and why does she need a bigger bedroom to NOT take care of babies?) I can so see her keeping the bigger bedroom and NOT taking care of them. She is SO Narcissistic I can literally LITERALLY see her getting pregnant, just to say she needs this bigger bedroom KNOWING that the other Aunts will force my girlfriend out of it - under the GUISE that she needs the space for twins - ONLY to get the attached BATHROOM.....and then either loose the babies and KEEP the bedroom because 'she pretends to be depressed' or she's too flippin lazy to move her things.

Oh I do not miss the (what does Susie* say?) CONFLAMA......

and hound? The out of my house so fast she would spin? YES.......see this is why she doesn't come here to my house any more. She tried to pull all that sympathy for me BS, and you know - after the first miscarriage? Okay lest talk SERIOUS BC. Then the second? And we took the baby to the homestead and buried it. Then the third? And that was the worst - It lived for a few hours and was so tiny it fit in a shoe box. Then the fourth? And her Mom is raising her and she's 8, then the fifth? and she doesn't want anything to do with her because her daddy had her arrested for stalking. No not kidding - she wanted him to look at the baby - and he said it wasn't his. Well duh NS - take him to court for a paternity test. Nope - she was doing it HER way. We were all idiots. And yes - she put the baby through all of the ridiculous yelling and police and Gma had to go get the child from the police station. But this? This defies words. To purposely not use Birth Control when you are fertile Myrtle - aren't married, have no home of your own, have two kids that you already aren't raising, can't support, and then the crack about the girls? UGH - I swear if they don't tie her tubes.....I think I'll wheel her in for a quick spay job at the APSCA.

 

[susiestar]

Hey, I have a friend of a friend who is a veterinary surgeon. She does small animal surgery only - no routine vet stuff. Her husband does large animal surgery and teaches at the vet school here. I bet we could get her to do the surgery. heck when a mutual friend's son kept getting ear infections the family dog suddenly got a lot of zpacks (zithromax), largely because friend did not want to drag kid to doctor - and because the same thing for a dog was cheaper than for a human. I am sure she could do the surgery - and botch it in some way that would prevent a reversal!

This chick would have been out of my house after the baby that lived a few hours. My family is nuts and might have despised me for it, but they could go and raise her kids for her. I cannot IMAGINE even MY mother putting up with all that from gfgbro or I. Someone needs to report to the OB?GYN that this woman needs to be drug tested and tested for alcohol at EVERY visit. In many places they will at least try to lock you up for the duration of the pregnancy if you have 2 or more positive drug tests. This TERRIFIED my exsil no end. The solution to stay clean was just too much work for her.

I am sorry that you are dragged into the periphery of this. It is a situation that YOU must detach from. Your friend is making choices to stay this enmeshed with the family. She can choose to move far away with the girls and not let anyone visit. It would likely be the best for everyone - the relatives would get firsthand knowledge of how awful Numby is. She may lie as well as Gumby bends, but left with-o the mom to blame it on every day I bet some of the family clue in. Even if they don't clue in, it would be the best thing for the little girls - because NOTHING is harder than to have your mom not want you and someone keep trying to force her to want you. That girl KNOWS her mother cannot stand her and every single time the gma pushes Numby to care for her, it rips the heart and soul and self esteem out of the girl.

Maybe you need a break from this friend. Esp if she is trying to push these girls on you as your grandkids.

 

[Hound dog]

D*mn. And I bet they wonder why girlfriend had a heart attack.

Katie never bonded with kayla. Took me little more than a month or two to see it would never happen. She wasn't even a year old yet.....but you couldn't miss that the bond was just not there. Not there with Alex either. Took even less time to pick up on it with him. You can't force that bond. My mom and me are prime examples.

Any chance the looming threat of winding up raising twins will be enough for girlfriend to draw her line in the sand? She's going to have to do something........it doesn't seem like the daughter is going to stop anytime soon. ugh

 

[witzend]

Lisa, those people can't make their own decisions because if they did they'd have to take responsibility for the results. Not going to happen.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Wow. Thank you, Star, for posting this.. because it gives me a glimpse into what might just happen down the road if I don't lay down the law with Youngest now. Working on it.

 

[AnnieO]

Oh, my wow.

I vote for Susie's friend. Jeez. I'm sorry, given my current attempt to have a kid I'm disgusted with this young woman. I have trouble even asking my parents to watch Onyxx and Jett for a few hours, I couldn't force my kid on my parents.

I bet your friend would love Ohio... Send her here! Without the sisters/aunts and twitface. Let them handle her...

 

[DDD]

I'm sorry, Star. That scenario is extremely sad but it is one reason that most of the time I advise parents not to step up to the plate for their difficult child's. If you take one step down that path of support you can literally be absorbed for life. Nobody expects it to happen if they do "the right thing". Alas, it happens more often than the public knows. Sending caring thoughts for those involved. DDD

 

[Star*]

Susie* - I haven't talked to "adopted" daughter in probably over three years. I haven't talked to this friend in uuh......probably over a year. So this was really a shocker. I'm telling you when I say I do NOT socialize with people or have friends to my house - I'm not kidding. I haven't had a girlfriend AT my house in nearly ten years. I have "friends" that I see once in a while when I go out to the stores and such - but nope......and THIS is why. Too much BS. and I will love this girl forever and I'd be there for any of my friends if they called. But I'm not getting INVOLVED with this mess. I was all over being the gma when the first baby was born and died. Then when the next one was born I was right there, and held her and OH she was so wonderful and to stand back and see what this NUMBY (love that) did - You can't kill someone, so I just backed off. Then she got pregnant again, and it was insane how she treated the infant and when she literally said "I just don't think I can love this one - YOU take her." and was more interested in running around and screwing guys than taking care of the first two kids? I was done. Her Mother would NOT listen and started raising BOTH girls, and I was banging my head on the wall. Not worth it. Now? Like Witz said - SHE has done this TO HERSELF - and WHY SHOULD Numby take responsibility for ANYTHING??//

For eight years - EIGHT LONG years - every cough, practically every diaper, doctor visit, cold, fever, - everything - GRANDMA has done it for her - so now? Two MORE babies sounds like a breeze. And who gets the MERIT for having four kids? Numby. Not Grandma. makes me want to spit. Nails. But then - at who? No one listens. So now EVERYONE pays. Two baby girls grow up being raised by Grandma - TWO more are going to grow up being raised by Goodness knows who - Here you have a 30 years old Mother who has NO clue how to do this, and will EXPECT and demand her Mom does it. Mom is like - I will not be there. I'm leaving - and then what? What about the two she's raising? They just supposed to depend on Numby? Numbys going to have 2 newborns......I feel so badly for all of the kids. Then the extra attention that the 8 and 5 year old WERE getting they're NOT going to get and how is that going to make THEM feel? Abandoned. Unloved, not so special any more. I have no clue. I just know - that this whole group is in need of some serious intervention - but they won't get it - things will progress like they are - my friend will be raising 2 newborns by October or September.

And me? I'm not going anywhere near there. I'll just get a text and reply - CONGRATULATIONS. Too bad you can't text that little Whoopdedoo emoticon from the board.

 

[Hound dog]

Well. I can see one good thing in the whole disaster.

Those girls do have the grandma. And kids aren't as stupid as many people think. They know the truth of the matter even if they might not be old enough to understand it all at their current ages.

But I swear I dunno, what a mess.

I don't get people who feed off drama. Seriously. Who wants that in their life? Not me, that's for sure. ugh

 

[1905]

The best thing your girlfriend could do is move out of the house....sell it if it's hers- and GO.She's in too deep with this scenario. She had chest pains? I'm so sorry, but she has to help herself for the sake of her health! Nobody there cares! She's gotta hand the reigns back to her difficult child.....

 

[rejectedmom]

Oh my! A tangled mess indeed. I think your friend should hold her boundry line even if it means moving ito her own place again. -RM

 

[Steely]

Wow, wow, wow.....your thread is like reading the script for a Jerry Springer show. There are no words.

All i can say is that I am sending many positive vibes to the gma, and praying that numby has some sort of epiphany.

Sigh........

 

[Star*]

I'm sure few here would understand redneck logic - but this family is so pathetically enmeshed it is going to be hard for me to explain. I lived with them for a short period of time and I do mean short. Like 2 weeks short -and that was 13 days longer than I will ever, EVER live with them again.

"Daddy" is a wonderful man. His Daddy somehow inherited a homestead and managed to hang on to it. There is approximately 20 acres give or take and believe me with three daughters, two Grandsons and one Granddaughter it's ALL take. Now at one time? And you do the math. All of them had homes (single wides) on this land INCLUDING his Father, and Daddy's wife's Mother, and then one of Daddy's 12 brothers moved his trailer out there and his second wife's daughter that she gave brith to while she was married to him, but the child was not his - was raised as an adopted Granddaughter. Following so far? So all told with husbands and boyfriends, and children, parents and the like at one time -there were nearly 40 people living in nine trailer houses on ten acres - the rest was wooded. Okay -

So Great Granddaddy dies - and leaves his trailer to my girlfriend. Then Great Grandmamma dies and leaves her trailer to my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend. The Other sister and her husband finally move out of Daddy's house and get their own place with their three children. You can do the math but at one time - Four married couples (or the likes thereof) and five children shared a 3 bedroom single wide - for years. I mean! Anyway =

Eventually - The middle sister and her boyfriend move out, and got Great Grandmammas trailer - so they're happy and my girlfriend (remember she got Great Granddaddys place?) well she gave that to her daugther and like a moron bought a double wide with some guy she met on the internet who turned out to be....(oh this just gets better and better) a cross dressing homosexual who was abusive, with a wife and two kids in Canada....and he had bad credit and lost his job so she got stuck in an upside down mortgage and then we lost "our' son - (the oldest child I lost to bull riding) and that almost killed us both. He was her biological child - but called me Mom and lived at my place every chance he got - ANY IDEA WHY? ugh. So whey my girlfriend was going to loose her house - her sister bought that one - and by chance - (now this gets tricky so follow along) The oldest sister who moved out with her husband and 3 kids......well HIS Mother and Father got a divorce because his Father came home from work one afternoon and caught his wife in bed wtih another woman. Turns out they'd been having an affair for years.....but it cost her her house and her seat on the town council - and anyway - she called Daddy - and after the divorce all she could afford was a small trailer so Daddy let her put it on his land - and her girlfriend dumped her because of threats the ex husband kept making. And the husband went to live permanently with his son and daughter in law (my girlfriend's sister). Wow - what a mess huh?

Well after the gay grandma got back on her feet she figured she wasnt really gay after all - she just was taking a walk on her wild side and met a fella and moved in with him. So she sold her trailer to my girlfriend for cheap cheap - In the mean time - the trailer my girlfriend had given to HER daughter - (Numby) was so old (from like the 50's) it was falling apart and condemned. But she was moving in with another guy anyway - so my girlfriend moved into the not-gay grandmas /now her trailer until Numby trashed her double and a half wide house with the WONDERFUL man who adored her kids, and worked a great job and loved her - but he came home one afternoon to find HER in bed with another guy - and so he threw HER out - and she came back to the 10 acre woods - and her mom (my girlfriend) moved in with her sister and her husband - and Numby and the girls moved in girlfriend's house, and then they trashed it - and Numby moved out and in with another guy - and girlfriend cleaned it up, rented it out and moved Numby in with her and Sister.....and that's where she is now - wanting the bigger bedroom wtih the master bath suite - because she deserves it because she's going to have babies (2) to take care of. and we all know - that's a crock - but everyone is so down on my girlfriend - that I told my girlfriend - she should SELL the former gay Grandma now her - trailer - except girlfriend said - WHO in their RIGHT mind would move in the middle of that nut job meadow? (true) And so her only hope is to rent it out to someone who ENJOYS having people IN their business..24/7 and minding their life. So I suggested SHE find someone who is in a similar situation and SWAP - lol. She said that was just nutty enough to work. Or rent it out to someone who actually CAN handle her family - (doubtful such a person exists) and take the rent money and go get a room somewhere - BEFORE the babies are born otherwise she's doomed.

And that is why my friend had a heart attack and will probably never move. I think in a sick way - she likes being told what to do, and wouldn't know what to do if a day of peace came her way. not joking. They all feed off each others frenzy - and chaos. Never in my life have I seen ANYTHING like it. One time HER Mom got in my business - and it started with me being polite and then her Mom started with poking and it ended with "are you done?" and after that and for the rest of my life I have not and never will start a sentence with "Listen here old woman....and end it with do you completely understand me because I don't intend to repeat anything I just said." and got absolutely NO response other than a nod. Dog cornered the wrong mad coon up the wrong tree that night. But - as it worked out - next day? We are just fine and she sends me a Christmas card every year. And vice versa.

Anywho - that's life in Peedee country -

 

[Hound dog]

LOL

I can laugh because that's about half the county here. And a good bit of it back in my hometown.

I grew up surrounded by that type of drama....Which is why I can't tolerate it.

It feeds off itself. To those immersed in it, it becomes the norm.

You pretty much gave a good view of bff's family too. I swear if she so much as got up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning she had to call every single family member and discuss it with them. She'd have an argument with her husband and call up 3 different family members to drag them into it. whew And she swear to you she wanted no drama. phht If there was no drama going on, she'd create it.

 

[Star*]

Yep. That'd be them. Yet she can NOT understand how I can get up in the morning - ALONE. Have breakfast - ALONE. Not call anyone - FOR DAYS. Go to work and have lunch -ALONE and not call anyone. I mean before cell phones were unlimited? I think she had $500 a month bills. Her carpal tunnel is from AOL chat. And the pile of cigarettes next to the computer? Don't even go there. I'm emptying the ash try after every butt - and she's got them stacked like she's can recycle or something. BUT - I will always love her, and as with all my friends if she called me day or night? I'd come running - I just don't socialize and get in their business and they respect me for that. I'm happy that way, and they seem to be okay saying "Oh Star? yeah she's my friend, we haven't seen each other in years but I love her." - works for me - no drama.

 

[susiestar]

WOW. I thought I was the only one who knew people like that. you are largely describing my mother and father's best friend - who is on her ninth marriage to seven men. The guy who was her fourth husband is also her 9th husband, and the 7th and 8th marriages were to the same guy - who she had known as a family friend for twenty plus years but during the first marriage (her 7th) someone at a union meeting slipped something into his beer that permanently changed his brain chemistry. Marrying him the second time (8th marriage) was so that he wouldn't kill her and because he needed help with the doctor stuff because he couldn't understand it. The current husband is the ONLY one of the men that was decent - the others were fixer-uppers because that was all she thought she deserved (childhood of abuse of all kinds will do that, first husband was when seh was 15 and he left her with lifelong scars and badly healed fractured bones - I remember when I was seven she had to get her nose rebroken and surgically repaired because damage, then when I was in college she could finally afford to have her jaw rebroken and fixed from damage that guy did long before i was even born!). With all but this man she divorced them as soon as they were fixed up. Well, the 7th/8th guy wasn't better but was going to kill her and she had to leave with-o most of her stuff or die.

Anyway, this woman has a big heart and makes good friends even on an airplane - with people she will call and write to for years, and they call and write back. But I stopped talking toher when I realized that unless I had serious drama she wasn't ever going to return a call just to talk, and usually any drama I might call about couldn't be talked about because she had to tell me all about her son and grandkids drama and the girl down the street from where she lived twenty years ago that I met for twenty minutes one day's drama - and this can NEVER be talked about on her dime even when she has unlimited long distance or when it is a local call. I actually got her number when she couldn't visit us for the seven years we lived 70 min away from her -but she could drive to visit people who lived five minutes from us - and she had to drive past our home to get to them! As in right past our driveway kind of past our home.

So I totally get what you mean, her family is enmeshed like that. We are her "normal" friends - as in my parents are still married (first time for either of them), have only lived in three places in their married life (apartment, first home, current home), have steady jobs, etc... and the support always goes out to her, sometimes back to my mom, but never back to the rest of us in any real way. She also cannot keep a secret though she swears she is the keeper of everyone's secrets. I tested this a couple of times because my mom kept telling me that this aunt was upset because I didn't really "talk" to her anymore. So I told her some "secrets" that were not true and sure enough, she told not just my mom but also my gfgbro! And she embellished what I told her to the point of true crazy.

Stay a text only friend. You will never regret staying out of this drama. I PROMISE!!!

And Numby sure sounded like the right name when I posted it.

 

[AnnieO]

Nope, we have them, too.

mother in law, BM, Onyxx... father in law to some extent, and niece. husband some.

I don't watch soap operas. Never have. Never needed to, when you have a whirlwind of them in your own life.

 

[JJJ]

I think that is Kanga's future She'd love all that drama and all those people catering to 'poor Kanga'. Number one reason we told her two years ago that we refuse to raise her offspring and that if she had a child while under 18 that it would go into foster care since the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) doesn't allow babies there.