Discharge planning....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Mar 22, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    OK think of me in a little while. I am having a phone conversation with my son and his therapist about discharge planning from the rehab where he is at. I questioned yesterday whether he was really ready to be discharged and checked to see how much it would cost if we were to keep him there private pay. It would be manageable.

    Talked to the therapist this morning and she told us that sometimes you reach a point where they have done what they can do.... he does have major issues with authority and that may always be there (which may land him in jail eventually). He is doing better after his dads visit. So at this point she thinks he has gotten what he can get... that sometimes people get treatment overload. She says he has gotten good lessons from treatment and that now he has to put it to use... and maybe having a bit more freedom to make decisions will be what he needs. I just don't know.

    So they are recommending two sober houses. One is the place he has already been kicked out of twice. My sense is he wasnt doing much there and it is a huge place. Apparently the other place is smaller, in a different area and very close to a mall where there are jobs and he wont need transportation.

    So our stand is we will pay for one sober house but we are not going sober house shopping where he goes from place to place. He gets kicked out and thats it he is on the street. I will need to tell him that today. Also we are not giving him any money directly for anything. So if he needs money for groceries there has to be a way we do it through an account at the sober house... no more grocery card etc.

    I am done being conned... and I need to tell him that too.

    So think of me in the next hour or so and I will update again when the conversation is over.

  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed, TL. DDD
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm thinking about you right now. It will be interesting to hear what he says. It sounds like you really are done with being conned and that's good, me too. Fingers crossed that he takes this next step and makes it work.

  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am keeping a good thought! My difficult child picked her sober house herself. It is not the place I would have picked but it was one she was willing to go to.

    Ironically, she threw up to me recently that I hadn't even checked it out before she went there. I reminded her that she picked it and I had nothing to do with the decision.

    Ultimately, they can use anywhere they go or they can work the program wherever they go. I hope you son hopes to go the recovery route. In the meantime, I think you have reached a good place in your detachment. You will help him if he works on recovery or he is on his own if he chooses to use.

    Not that it will be easy . . .


  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    THinking of you and hoping the best - stay strong - {{hugs}}
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    OK so it was a good conversation... not real long but it sounds like he has a plan at least. He has agreed to go to the smaller sober house...that was what he was thinking of doing as his roommate went there and he was someone he feels connected to. He plans to go see a therapist he saw when he was at the first sober house. This guy was originally his sponser and he really liked him then and then he was his therapist and then he seemed to want to switch therapists after he screwed up at that sober house. The fact that he wants to go back to him I think is a good sign... and when I asked him a bit more about it he said that before it was strange because he was both is therapist and his sponser.... what he wants is to have him as a therapist and then get a different sponser. That actually makes good sense to me... and this guy knows his history which I think is good.

    He said that he said at a group session that is biggest fear is himself. That he is feeling motivated right now but he knows he can lose that motivation (so very true) so he needs things to help him keep his motivation... like a sponser, like some structure. He also said knowing this is his one chance, and not wanting to be back on the street should help.
    I reiterated we were not going to go sober house shopping and he said he knew that and he seems to really know that.

    So he will probably be discharged on Monday.... I am waiting for the sober house guy to call me back. So I guess I better sleep well this weekend as after that we will kind of be waiting to see what happens next.... although at least I know he has a place to live and is not on the street for now.

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Glad he has a plan and things sound like he is taking steps forward. Hoping it goes well! HUGS
  9. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    TL hopefully he continues walking down this path. Here is for a peaceful rested weekend.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    good luck. I think all the bad news on this forum has been entering my dreams lately. Last night I had one doozy of a nightmare. Mandy had called us a couple of times yesterday looking for Cory because he wasnt answering his phone and she couldnt find him. It wasnt my day to watch him...lol. I gave up that job!

    Anyway about the nightmare....I dreamed that we got a phone call saying that Cory had died and then while I was answering the phone about that, I was trying to wake Tony up to tell him. We both walked out into the living room for him to get ready for work and we noticed there was some new "used" furniture in our living room and that our little dog was outside. I was cussing because of course, I was mad that the dog was outside again. As I turned the doorknob to let the dog in, I heard Tony say Oh god. I turned around and there was Jamie and Hailie and Mikey were asleep on the couches. He told us that he had caught Billie cheating with someone because she turned up PREGNANT! Then suddenly Mandy comes banging on the door and tells us since Cory was dead she didnt want McKenzie anymore because she couldnt take care of a baby on her own. Then Buck gets up in the midst of all this....and then I woke up!
  11. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Yeah....I love reading posts about good progress. VERY happy for you!!
  12. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member


    Sure sounds like you have done all that one mom can/could possibly do for her son.
    I too am hoping your difficult child will stay motivated to use the tools he has aquired and to listen to the suggestions his therapist and a new sponser might make.

    Thinking of you,