Discharge plans

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Nov 1, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Ok so my son is being discharged from the residential substance abuse program tomorow. He has a good discharge plan I think. He is going to the sober house he was at a year ago. More expensive than the one up here but I guess you get what you pay for!! I think that is a good choice. He is going to the outpatient program 3 evenings a week and will also see his therapist down there from a year ago whom he trusts. Hopefully they will get to some of the real underlying psychological issues my son has. His plan is to look for a job and hopefully he will find one.

    Meanwhile in two weeks he has to come up here for a court date. Our plan is to fly him up, have dinner and then my husband will stay with him in a motel where they can watch scary guy movies they both love that I hate. We don't want him coming home because my daughter does not need to be part of this. Then we will take him to court and then back to the airport.

    All that sounds pretty good. I am feeling a bit nervous about this next step because there is less structure and more room for him to mess up.... however he sounds good and he has been doing well and making progress.

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like a good plan to me! Fingers crossed that all goes well.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Those less structured steps certainly give us anxiety. It sounds like a good plan and all you can do now is be supportive like you have been all along. Your difficult child and mine are so much alike. They need to be hit upside their heads before they get it. Hopefully he will get it this time and really work hard to keep his sobriety. I'm rooting for you all.

    What do you expect to happen at his court hearing?

  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Best wishes that he is at the beginning of a successful and sober path!! I will be pulling for you. And the travel plans sound well thought out.,,
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Fingers crossed he does well during this next stage.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hoping all goes well. Let us know how it goes. HUGS
  7. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

    Hoping things go well.
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I would feel positive - he has done this on his own - he is doing great! I know we are always cautiously optimistic but I feel really positive about this... :)
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tl give us an update. How did the discharge go?

  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Thanks for asking Nancy. I haven't talked to my son but my husband did. My son called asking for some money in his account so he could buy some groceries on the way to the house. husband said he was getting picked up at 5, they were going to do some errands and then they were going to an AA meeting tonight. He felt he sounded good. I got a call tonight from the woman who runs the place... she is great. I haven't met her in person but we have talked on the phone and she herself is a recovering addict but is also a mom so she knows I want to know how he is and so she keeps in touch. She is kind of a surrogate mom to him and I think in the past he has gotten annoyed with her like he does with me lol. Anyway she said he looked really good. He liked the treatment place and he was smiling, seemed happy and was a totally different kid from last time. So we hope it lasts. Anyway it warmed my heart tonight. And we have made plane reservations for him to come back for his court date so I will get to see him in 2 weeks.

  11. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I am crossing my fingers and toes and (elbows and knees too)

    So glad the woman in charge is on your team to and will keep you in the loop.
    (I get so frustrated at the legal policies that enable "people in charge" to slam the door on motherly concerns. Well except when they need an address to send a bill)

    Good news all around. Yay!
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That is really hopeful. It is so great to have moments like these. Nice that the house "mom" knows him. hope when he comes for court you can have a little bit of nice time together. At least to feel reassured that he is OK when you see him.
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This sounds so promising. It's amazing how different they look and act when they are sober, I mean really sober. I hope both our difficult child's like the feeling they have right now and work very very hard to keep it.

    Sending all the good thoughts I can.

  14. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so glad to hear that your difficult child has a plan and will have the support he needs to stay sober. I think that you did an wise thing to have him stay at a hotel instead of your home. Your daughter needs time to heal, too, since having a difficult child in the family has an impact on everyone.
  15. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    So my son called me today which is a good thing. I think it was at the urging of M, the sober house person. Anyway I am left feeling pretty wary.....he sounded ok but certainly didn't paint a rosy picture... of course he never does because I think he is always trying to play on our sympathy....according to him the sober house is in a ghetto near the train tracks....lol of course that may just be his perception. He did say the other guys were about his age which is a good thing. We talked about his court date and he asked if he could stay up here an extra day..... oh boy alarm bells went off in my head!!! Good thing we already made his reservations so I told him we couldn't change them. I did say that he doesn't leave til that night so he may have time to see people... gosh darn it I always want to appease him.

    Then he told me we don't need to make a hotel reservation because he can stay with some friends. Oh big alarm bells go off in my head now. I stayed calm. I know this journey this time has been totally his and it needs to stay that way. I know know know that no matter how tempting it is, if i try to control this it will backfire and it will become about defying me rather than about his recovery. So i just asked him that would be hard etc. and he commented no it would be ok and he knew they would drug test him when he got back etc. Still not the strong statement of how committed he is to recovery I would have liked to hear. I asked him who he would stay with and he basically didn't anaswer me... so I went on to something else. I later asked him if it was a particular friend and he said yes. Now this friend is an ok kid. I like him.... although I know he does drugs and drinks etc but he also has kept a job and hasn't been in the level of trouble my son has. I told him I don't have a problem with him. I also told him I hoped he would at least have dinner with us.....

    I asked him how it was seeing M and R(her husband) again. She said M was playing the mother role and that was annoying. LOL. I told him to tell her he already had a mom that drove him crazy!

    So I am nervous about the whole thing.....I so badly want to try and control the situation. I am so afraid he will do something really stupid and get in more trouble.... but I have to let it go and just hope for the best.

  16. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know exactly how you are feeling you what you said about wanting to try and control the situation is so true. I have been there done that so many times and it does backfire. difficult child's sober house is in a very bad part of the city. She lives on W. 10th street which is 10 blocks from downtown so that gives you an idea. She already had her car broken into once. Sadly the suburbs don't want these houses in their neighborhood. I would rather have a sober house near me than the nice suburban houses where the parents let their kids do drugs.

    He will settle down. From what I saw with difficult child it's very normal for them to have these feelings in the beginning and the ties to their old life are still pulling at them. It's difficult for us because we want to see immediate positive change. Keep giving him positive feedback. He just has to do the next right thing. He isn't going to skip court so his spending the night with his friend hopefully will not interfere with anything. And they definitely will drug test him upon return.

    I'm sending all the good thoughts I can to you and him, this is a difficult time and our hands our tied.

  17. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    Discharge plans are just about as important as the treatment
  18. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Fingers crossed that all goes well and he stays on the sober path! -RM
  19. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thinking of you, Buddy
  20. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    So glad your son is making progress in his life and has so many good supports in place.
    Wonderful that you and the lady who runs sober house are on good speaking terms. Funny that she is like his surrogate mom that gets on his nerves alittle but I'm sure you get some real comfort knowing how much she truly cares for your difficult child too.

    Thinking of you,