Bunny had mentioned in another thread that she was being advised to make accomodations for her difficult child... so as not to hi-jack - I was hoping to discuss this further here. One of the things that I struggle with is when to set a boundary and when we should be making accomodations for difficult child. In so many ways, we already accomodate her a lot without even thinking about it any more - but I wonder if that is really healthy? I know that in order to avoid "enabling" we are not supposed to do anything for a difficult child that they can do for themselves. OK - that makes sense. But at what point are we allowed to nag them to actually do that stuff of which they are capable, but are not currently doing? Case in point - messy bedroom. It makes sense to allow a child to have a space of their own to keep as they see fit - So we ignore the clutter in a child's room. BUT, what happens when the child's space begins to negatively impact the rest of the house? Am I allowed to order a child to get food out of the bedroom? how about moldy towels? what about a problem with bugs? what if the bedroom smells bad? Do I allow a child to live this way in order to accomodate her need to be left alone about her bedroom? Or do I need to set a boundary about respecting the house? When does a parent sit back and let a child figure it out - wait for a child to do for themselves....and when does a parent need to step in? Where is the line? What are your thoughts on this? What issues do you struggle with in your house?