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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 627347" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>My son was also adopted, but at 16 months. He was a dreamboat until he hit 13. I can't tell you how much vile nonsense we've had to endure at his hands, so I know where you're coming from.</p><p> </p><p>Never in a million years would I have thought I'd ever come to terms like this, but I really think that ultimately, biology is destiny. I think they never get over being adopted, or some feeling of abandonment that I cannot ever make up for, no matter what I do. I don't know what it feels like to not look like any of my relatives, to have to tell the physician I see that I have no knowledge of my family health history because I was adopted, to not share DNA with my parents, and family legend and family traits, not to mention feeling like my grandparents didn't love me as much because I wasn't their "real" grandchild. I know this is what my kids go through, so I'm only speaking from my experiences. I don't know, but I think it would mess with my head, too. However, they're adults now, and they have to develop maturity, insight and self awareness to see the big picture. They have lives to lead and lessons to learn, and contributions to make. Many times I've felt like a glorified babysitter to them; like they don't think of me as their real mother. </p><p> </p><p>If your son wasn't adopted, I'd advise you to block his number for a while. That may be too extreme. But you can warn him that you reserve the right to do so, and you can, if his calls/texts are just too much. It's OK to disengage if you're not supporting the things he's doing. You can let him know (probably for the millionth time) that you will support positive steps in the right direction. Whew...I know it's hard. Hang in there!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 627347, member: 13882"] My son was also adopted, but at 16 months. He was a dreamboat until he hit 13. I can't tell you how much vile nonsense we've had to endure at his hands, so I know where you're coming from. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd ever come to terms like this, but I really think that ultimately, biology is destiny. I think they never get over being adopted, or some feeling of abandonment that I cannot ever make up for, no matter what I do. I don't know what it feels like to not look like any of my relatives, to have to tell the physician I see that I have no knowledge of my family health history because I was adopted, to not share DNA with my parents, and family legend and family traits, not to mention feeling like my grandparents didn't love me as much because I wasn't their "real" grandchild. I know this is what my kids go through, so I'm only speaking from my experiences. I don't know, but I think it would mess with my head, too. However, they're adults now, and they have to develop maturity, insight and self awareness to see the big picture. They have lives to lead and lessons to learn, and contributions to make. Many times I've felt like a glorified babysitter to them; like they don't think of me as their real mother. If your son wasn't adopted, I'd advise you to block his number for a while. That may be too extreme. But you can warn him that you reserve the right to do so, and you can, if his calls/texts are just too much. It's OK to disengage if you're not supporting the things he's doing. You can let him know (probably for the millionth time) that you will support positive steps in the right direction. Whew...I know it's hard. Hang in there! [/QUOTE]
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