Disheartening news from local family

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SuZir, Jun 5, 2013.

  1. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Big brother of easy child's long time team mate committed suicide last weekend. I don't know family too well, but husband does and their youngest really played almost a decade with easy child and husband was a long time assistant coach and service manager to them. easy child told us about it today and is rather rattled on how it reflects to our own family.

    This kid was in his mid twenties. From outside he always looked like high achieving super-easy child, very well liked by everyone, funny and loving guy who used to be awesome musician and was middle of his studies in medication school. When our difficult child's troubles hit the rumour mill the dad of the family did however share about their oldest's struggles with gambling addiction. They also pointed us to some good sources of support and we much appreciated that. Their son never agreed to more intensive programs we forced our kid in, but he did attend regularly to Gamblers Anonymous and had better and worse times, even periods of several months of not gambling. In fact he had lied to everyone that he was currently 9 months sober.

    He did get himself to serious financial trouble once before but with help of his parents he had a plan to get out of them. Now he wasn't able to take out loans etc. because black marks in his credit history so it seems that he had financed his gambling by first loaning and sometimes stealing from friends and in the end by stealing regulated drugs from hospital he was doing his first internship related to his studies and selling them. He was confronted by his boss and told that police report would be made. That would have meant end of his medical career before it even had began. And of course whole web of lies he had made coming out. Instead of facing the music he committed suicide right after graduation party of his younger sister.

    I can't even fathom what his parents are feeling. Such an utter devastation. I feel so bad for them and to be honest, dread even writing a condolence letter. I have absolutely no words.

    And I think this may be the first time it hit to easy child how serious his brother's situation might be. And I have to admit that again it makes me wonder, that when super kids like this boy can't seem to beat this beast, does my screw up whelp have even a snowball's chance? My only hope seems to be my boy's incredible stubbornness. I keep praying that would be enough.

    I'm sure this family could also use prayers in their time of utmost grief.
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2013
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    So sad.
    Does your difficult child have (as we say here) a snowball's chance in heck? Sure does.
    Partly because he's been prepared for the "more intensive programs".
    Partly because he's a difficult child and takes everything, including massive mess-ups, slightly differently.
    Doesn't unfortunately put the risk to zero... for any of us.

  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    My heart goes out to his parents and to his friends. Don't let yourself get "too" distrubed by their son's choice. Each of us (whether easy child or difficult child) have to make choices that are difficult. Had their son been forced into intensive he might still have made this choice. This is another instance where the Serenity Prayer can help ease your fears. There is no doubt that you have "changed the things you can" and now the next chapters will unfold as they are destined to do. I will include this unknown but suffering family in my prayers. DDD
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    His parents had not much chance to force him to more intensive programs. He was an adult when they found out he had this issue. I think they did try, at least my husband assumed they had hoped that their kid would go to this same program our difficult child went through, but if husband understood correctly, their son was always just a little bit in denial how serious issue he had. Which is of course very common to all addicts and not the least to gamblers, whose addiction doesn't make them smell or behave in the way others would easily notice.

    News like this always make me shortly relive my first shock when I found out how devastatingly high suicide figures are with this addiction. And how high relapse rates. But in the end of the day anything can happen to any of my loved ones in any moment. It's not much use to worry too much. Just take sensible precautions and after that leave it to higher hands. Some days doing that is easier than others.

    I just feel so bad for this family. What an awful way to loose their child. And while loosing one's child is just as horrible regardless the circumstances, I do believe this kind of process may be even harder, if the child who detours and ends up lost because of that is a easy child. Not because PCs would be more loved ones, but because of loss of all those high hopes and that utter shock when that wonderful child develops a devastating addiction. And hopes of the kid recovering and thrashed hopes, when they don't or relapse. Again and again. When with difficult child, even with one with such a peculiar, varying and contradictive functioning profile than my difficult child, you never really expect smooth sailing. Because from early age you have learned there is always something. And learned to appreciate any kind of positive progress instead of waiting miraculous recovery or solution.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Saying prayers for the family. How utterly sad.