Disturbing news about a friend

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, Jul 27, 2008.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    At least, I thought she was a friend. Now I just think she's gone off the deep end.

    Her husband died about 4 yrs ago. She has not had a boyfriend at all. She has three boys, ages 24, 21 and 14. They are all homeschooled and very sheltered. The 21 and 24-yr-old are partly on their own; the oldest has an apt in a nearby city and drives back and forth quite a bit. He sells high-end cars. The middle son is into computers and learning to sell cars. Neither is interested in going to college.

    C. (their mom, our friend) learned to dance (ballroom, salsa) a yr ago and has been obsessed with-it ever since. She met a guy online, through her dance instructor. He said he had job prospects in the area. She decided he had enough similarites and good job prospects that she would fly him in and get to know him better. He was divorced, had a cpl grown kids, danced, and did computer stuff.

    She flew him in, and the next thing we knew, he was living with-her. He spent quite a bit of time on the computer, but never really left the house, so the kids got suspicious that he didn't really have a job.

    The kids hated him from the get-go. Not just the potential of replacing their dad, but the idea that their mom had pd for his flt, his job was nebulous.

    We met him on Easter, by accident. We had invited her to our house, she had invited us to her house. We called back and talked to her youngest son and said we would be coming over, and they got the info confused. We showed up at the door and boy, were they surprised! They were all sitting there in total silence, glaring at the boyfriend. It was so tense when we walked in, you could have cut the air with-a knife, to use a cliche'. So we livened it up and everyone relaxed a bit. (She thanked us later.)
    We were not impressed by her beau. He is very impressed by himself.

    A few days later, the kids heard them arguing about a pre-nup. She wanted one, he didn't.

    Over the last few mo's he has told the boys they were spoiled and rude.

    Hey, these kids are angels. I have never met a family like this b4. They play freeze-out with-this guy, but never once have said a mean thing to him.

    C. and guy fight some more and break up... but he is living for free in one of her properties. She goes to a therapist who says she needs to work things through, regardless of whether they're going to stay together, because she tends to just cut loose, no explanations given.

    She gets back with-him, and they get back together.

    Suddenly, oldest son is served an eviction notice. Say what? He wasn't really living there. She had never told him to move out b4, hadn't discussed a game plan. They just let things move along at a snail's pace. She never wanted to cut the apron strings b4, since her husband was gone and she needed the boys.

    She doesn't need them any more.

    Middle son and youngest are told that mom is leaving for a 1 mo. stay in another state with-boyfriend. Mom tells 14-yr-old to pack up and go with-her. He refuses. Mom then assigns temp custody to middle son and leaves.

    14-yr-old is on computer, sees an email pop up for his mom, (intended for a dancing friend), discovers that his mom is planning to stay away for 6 mo's, then intends to sell their house, all their properties, and move to the new state.

    C. never told her mother, sister, oldest son, or any of her friends (except the one dancing friend) that any of this was going to happen. None of the kids knows which city she is in or what her address is.

    C's mother is in the hospital with-a collapsed lung. C. has not called or flown home to check on her.

    It sounds like one of those spooky real-crime shows on TV, but there is no crime ... just a woman in love who is being taken for every penny she has.

    *** husband and I took the oldest to brunch today. He says he's fine. Yeah, right. He's shell shocked.

    We're taking all 3 boys to dinner tonight. We're probably going to take them to dinner once a wk, as a routine from now on ... they know how to eat prefab food, but don't know how to cook, and their mom, C., was really big into eating healthy ... she ran a co-op, knew all about gluten-free and lactose free foods, the whole shebang.

    This has all taken place in 6 mo's.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    OMG! She definitely has blown a fuse! It sounds like she must have held everything in and then just snapped. I think help needs to be called in ASAP, in my humble opinion. I don't know who or how, but this is horrible. She is ill right now and these boys are at the mercy of the world. If you're spending time with the boys, can you find out if there is a trusted (as in responsible and trustworthy) family member (not just one that they like) who could be called? They are lucky that you are around to see the change in character and plans that she is making. I hope something can stop this before it goes too far and the boys are left in a desparate situation. It is enough that they've lost their father- they don't need this on top of it. And really, she needs some help. She's not thinking rationally and this guy is probably a prof con man.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    That's exactly what we are thinking.

    At one pt, the kids had this guy's SS# and we were going to pass it on to an atty friend but they chickened out. We're going to work on that again at dinner tonight.

    husband and I were both what-iffing the school situation, too... if she isn't back by late Aug., we may have to enroll the youngest in school for the first time. Gulp.

    We're hoping to get in contact with-her and not jump to conclusions. But she has done nothing but lead us in that direction.
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2008
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Terry that sounds very very bad. And someone needs to go give that therapist who told her she needs to "work it out no matter what" a good solid kick in the arse! grrrrr

    I had a therapist told me that a few years back. I told her to stuff it. Once she'd lived with husband for 20 plus years then she could tell me vauable advice.

    Con man big time. I'd take that ss# to the cops and a picture of Mr Man and make sure there are no warrents out for this jerk.

  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Wow! This does sound like one of those stories that end up on "20/20"! And I agree, it sounds like this guy is a con man and that your friend has truely gone off the deep end! So he doesn't have a job (and "prospects don't pay much!) ... she marries the guy, sells her house, what happens to the proceeds from the sale of the house? Good Lord, he almost sounds like some of those people on TV that have married a half-dozen women and took them all for every dime they had!

    If her sons have his SSN, they can check with the police to see if he has a record or warrants out for him. And I don't know if you can do this everywhere, but in the State of Tennessee, on the State's website, there is a place where, for a small fee ($15 I think), you can have a background check done on anybody! They probably do this in other states too. Your state's website would be on www.state.XX.us, the XX's being the 2-letter abbrev. for your state. Another thing, if he used a computer in your friends house, is it still there? If the sons don't have the expertise, someone knowlegeable about computers could take it and find out what websites he had visited, even emails. It would be very interesting if he were visiting dating and singles sites or communicating with other women while living with your friend!

    I hope this doesn't go where it looks like it's heading, and I sincerely hope she doesn't get hurt or get taken, but if she's that gone on this guy, she will be very hard to convince that he's not what she thinks that he is. And unless he's doing something illegal or there are warrants out for him, there's not much the sons can really do - she's an adult and can do as she pleases, even if it's foolish! At the worst, he's a crook and a con man. At the very best, he's a freeloader and a moocher. OMG, I hope I never get THAT lonely!
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Another thought- I hope this isn't my difficult child's father.... but if it is- call me.
  7. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Wow....talk about going over the edge......what strange behavior......almost sounds like she had a break with reality.......poor kids.....they do need guidance, especially the 14 yr old, what about school? Just can't believe a mom would do this for someone she barely knows.......hope she's still in this world and boyfriend isn't sitting somewhere learning how to sign her name........
    What good people you are for checking in with the kids....thank goodness you are there!!!
  8. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I have a private investigater friend if you need some help. He's pretty good at digging up info.

    Sounds fishy to me.

    Just PM me if you want.

  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you.

    The two older boys have the boyfriend's SS#. I am emailing them to remind them to give it to me. They say they will do something with-it but I know they'll chicken out again.

    I agree, I would love to see this guy's visited websites. I think this guy brought his own laptop but I will ask that in the email as well.

    It turns out that it's better and worse than I thought.

    C. left 26 treats for her youngest, hidden around the house. He was supposed to find one every day until she gets home. So that indicates that she really does intend to come home the 2nd wk in Aug.

    We went to dinner and the boys really gave us an earful. The middle one has a girlfriend and it was a bit stilted at first ... we didn't know how much she knew. But once they got talking, they just didn't stop, and she wasn't phased at all so obviously she knew all about it.

    Then the middle son's cell ph rang and it was C. We all froze. (You know how guilty you feel when you've been talking about someone and there they are?) The conversation was very stiff, like, "Yeah. Hi. We're having dinner with-the X's. Here's B." and he hands the ph to his little bro. Little bro says, "Hi. Yeah. I found it. It was a Sprite. # 11. Okay. Bye."


    So, apparently, Gigolo boyfriend has tried emotional blackmail on all the boys and it has backfired. The oldest won't speak to him at all so that's part of the reason he was served an eviction notice. Middle son (just turned 21) had car issues one day and stopped by the property where boyfriend is living. boyfriend tells him to come in and he wants to talk. boyfriend, C (Who was apparently sleeping over?), and middle son sit at table and boyfriend demands that middle son apologize for hurting boyfriend's feelings and for being rude. Middle son says he doesn't know what he's talking about. C (mom) just sits there. Middle son says he can't apologize when he doesn't know what's going on. boyfriend gets more upset. Finally, middle son says he won't apologize, and will find his own ride back to p/u his car. How weird is that?

    Near the same time period, boyfriend pulls same stunt with-14-yr-old. He, too, refuses to apologize, stating he doesn't know what boyfriend is talking about.

    Just to clarify this, the 14-yr-old is not only homeschooled and sheltered, he is very small for his age and his voice hasn't changed yet. So it's almost like talking to an 8-yr-old. I cannot imagine a 50-something guy trying to intimidate a teenage boy into apologizing for an imagined slight while the mom sits silently by.

    I couldn't help it. I blurted out loudly at the table, "This is giving me the CREEPS!!!"
    (So much for being mature and supportive. But at least I validated their emotions.)

    Then the oldest and middle son add, blithely, "Oh, we forgot to tell you he has taken anger mgmnt classes for some issues he has."


    We asked the 14-yr-old, jokingly, if he wanted to come live with-us. He nodded his head vigorously and said, "YES!" I laughed and said, "You haven't seen me when I have PMS and I'm not wearing makeup." (Much to easy child's embarrassment.) He laughed and said, "Anything's better than S."
    His custodial brother nodded and agreed.


    We asked if there was anything we could do in the meantime. They said no, they have their mom's credit card and lots of candy. And one another.

    OMG. That is so sad.

    Well, I'm off in search of boyfriend's SS#. I am h*llbent on finding some background on him.
  10. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Holy moly. I hope that isn't my second ex husband. He did something like that to someone once. He left me for someone on the internet and you wouldn't believe the things he told her. I don't know where he is located. If you want to pm me I will let you in on the name. He is not a very nice man to say the least. I hope your friend is ok.

  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    "Oh, we forgot to tell you he has taken anger mgmnt classes for some issues he has."

    Well there you go! Nobody takes anger management classes voluntarily! He's done something - been charged with some type of crime (domestic violence? Child abuse?) and was court ordered to go through an anger management program! But they also have anger management programs in the prison systems and he could have taken it there! In the prison where I work, we have regular full time anger management programs. Many inmates convicted of violent crimes are required by the parole board to attend these programs before they will be considered for parole. You might want to check your state's website in the section for the Dept. of Correction - they should have a page where you can search out inmates or former inmates by name. Good luck! I hope you can find some info on him!
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I forgot one thing--he also told C. not to see my husband any more as her chiro.
    The kids said he's jealous. That's when they told us about his anger issues.
    Just to add insult to injury, husband has treated her for free since her husband died because they have crummy ins. This is really freaky. He is really isolating her.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    He has lived in OH, CA, WA state, VA and is now in TX.
  14. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm very frightened for your friend and the 14 year old (especially).
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    If he really gets her isolated, you don't stand a chance. The faster you can dig up incriminating evidence against him that your friend will listen to, the better.

    He's not even been around long and is already showing huge Red Flags of an abusive person.

    I'm sorry but I still wanna kick that therapist in the arse. ugh. With this jerk working on her, then therapist saying she needs to work it out.......... grrrrrrrr Poor woman thinks she's doing the "right" thing. You never say such a thing to someone who is emotionally vulnerable.

  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. Right now I think they're safe. The boyfriend has a new job and will be on an ego high and on his best behavior. When the job wears thin, and C. has problems dragging the 14-yr-old to another state, I think that's when the doo-doo will hit the fan.
    At least, I think the boyfriend has a new job. That's one reason I want the SS#, to make sure he really is employed where he says he is, and not just dragging her to another state to isolate her.
  17. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    wow yeah that's a bit looney.

    I still do not get the "whole" wanting another relationship thing. My friend has been a widow for just over a year, but she was talking about dating 3 months after her husband's funeral>?
  18. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    The fourteen year old couldn't be forced to go off and live with his mother and the boyfriend in another state, could he? I would be very concerned for his safety if he did!
  19. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Did you google him? You'd be amazed at what you can find if you are persistent enough.
  20. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Terry, I just read this thread.

    O. M. G.

    I hardly even know what to say, except thank goodness you are there to help these boys.