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General Parenting
Diverging theories & confusion...
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<blockquote data-quote="jetsam" data-source="post: 698766" data-attributes="member: 20689"><p>To me detachment is not meant as a punishment to the addict, but as a survival tool for the parent. Yes it seems harsh to some, but until you have walked those miles (and i mean MANY miles) in the shoes of an addict's parent you would never be able to fathom the pain ,heartache, anger, guilt etc... that we must endure. To detach is merely a way of saying that we need to step back and let the addict make their own choices ,and confront the consequences that those choices bring about. These are adults. NOT children that we have any control over!</p><p>we have no say in their choices, we can only watch as they either destroy their lives, or choose to get help and begin living again! To detach doesn't mean i love my child any less than i did before,I just have to recognize that what i have attempted up until now has not succeeded in getting my child to stop using drugs, and I need to step aside and pray that my childs higher power will assist him where i have failed. (and believe me its not for lack of trying on my part) To make that conscious choice to let my child fall and get up on his own (as i did when he first learned to walk) Is to be a better parent than to keep putting pillows under his ass to soften the landing all the time. If I continue to soften the landing for him ,he then learns that </p><p>someone is there to catch me and falling is not so bad. No, I think falling needs to be hard so that when it hurts when they reach the bottom, they realize that its to painful to keep doing this and hopefully learn to stand and not fall.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jetsam, post: 698766, member: 20689"] To me detachment is not meant as a punishment to the addict, but as a survival tool for the parent. Yes it seems harsh to some, but until you have walked those miles (and i mean MANY miles) in the shoes of an addict's parent you would never be able to fathom the pain ,heartache, anger, guilt etc... that we must endure. To detach is merely a way of saying that we need to step back and let the addict make their own choices ,and confront the consequences that those choices bring about. These are adults. NOT children that we have any control over! we have no say in their choices, we can only watch as they either destroy their lives, or choose to get help and begin living again! To detach doesn't mean i love my child any less than i did before,I just have to recognize that what i have attempted up until now has not succeeded in getting my child to stop using drugs, and I need to step aside and pray that my childs higher power will assist him where i have failed. (and believe me its not for lack of trying on my part) To make that conscious choice to let my child fall and get up on his own (as i did when he first learned to walk) Is to be a better parent than to keep putting pillows under his ass to soften the landing all the time. If I continue to soften the landing for him ,he then learns that someone is there to catch me and falling is not so bad. No, I think falling needs to be hard so that when it hurts when they reach the bottom, they realize that its to painful to keep doing this and hopefully learn to stand and not fall. [/QUOTE]
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