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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 673175" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is a good way to look at all of it ~ kids and Family of Origin issues, too.</p><p></p><p><em>I'm allowing them to put me in this position</em></p><p></p><p><em>I'm angry at myself for putting so much stock in their feelings and so afraid of offending THEM that I'm not taking my own feelings into consideration.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>They certainly aren't.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>My kids (</em>For me, my Family of Origin.) <em> are officially on time out.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I'm not going to be used as a pawn.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>You may not be aware of this, but we have a thread in Family of Origin about being Germany. The essence of being Germany is compassion tempered by informed self assurance. Having fallen into a kind of lost vulnerability over what has happened with our troubled kids, we are trying so hard to figure out how to reclaim our Germany.</p><p></p><p>I love the theme of putting family on time out. Nothing permanent there, and no damning judgment there either and yet, the boundaries are clearly drawn. </p><p></p><p>Not to be used as a pawn. How did we miss that phrase that is so aptly descriptive and freeing. Used as pawns. (I am talking Family of Origin issues, here.) Well, of course. How did we not see it. We have been behaving like pawns, crying about it like pawns would cry, bemoaning a fate they can change in a heartbeat.</p><p></p><p>What an extraordinary thing.</p><p></p><p><em>"...for putting so much stock in their feelings...."</em></p><p></p><p>That is exactly it.</p><p></p><p>That is the essential imbalance.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 673175, member: 17461"] This is a good way to look at all of it ~ kids and Family of Origin issues, too. [I]I'm allowing them to put me in this position[/I] [I]I'm angry at myself for putting so much stock in their feelings and so afraid of offending THEM that I'm not taking my own feelings into consideration. They certainly aren't. My kids ([/I]For me, my Family of Origin.) [I] are officially on time out. I'm not going to be used as a pawn. [/I] You may not be aware of this, but we have a thread in Family of Origin about being Germany. The essence of being Germany is compassion tempered by informed self assurance. Having fallen into a kind of lost vulnerability over what has happened with our troubled kids, we are trying so hard to figure out how to reclaim our Germany. I love the theme of putting family on time out. Nothing permanent there, and no damning judgment there either and yet, the boundaries are clearly drawn. Not to be used as a pawn. How did we miss that phrase that is so aptly descriptive and freeing. Used as pawns. (I am talking Family of Origin issues, here.) Well, of course. How did we not see it. We have been behaving like pawns, crying about it like pawns would cry, bemoaning a fate they can change in a heartbeat. What an extraordinary thing. [I]"...for putting so much stock in their feelings...."[/I] That is exactly it. That is the essential imbalance. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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