Do all warrior moms do this?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Oct 10, 2011.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Become overly outraged when a Dr condescendingly insists on knowing whats wrong with you - when you absolutely know that they are wrong??? I mean, this is an epic trigger point for me - I get in my opinion excessively bent over this.

    I guess it is the 21 years that I have researched my butt off for Matt's medications and psychological well being, as well as for myself. I know a lot, as we all do, about our medications and bodies and minds. So for a Dr not to take the time and truly listen???? :angry-very:

    My new therapist insisted that I try this new thing called an Alpha stimulant. You clip these things on your ears and a very small voltage of electricity is conducted throughout your brain. It is supposed to alleviate depression, help you sleep, blah, blah, blah. So I tried it, and that night I had hynogogic sleep hallucinations (which is where you are awake in your mind, but your body is asleep, and you hallucinate and can't move your body). I only get these if my mental state is overstimulated, which used to happen a lot. In the hallucination I saw bolts of lightnings go through my brain. Meanwhile, as I am paralyzed in bed with the sleep hallucination I hear loud stomping on my wooden deck. It was HORRIBLE, and when I could finally wake myself up out of the paralysis I didn't sleep the rest of the night.

    So I tell my therapist the next day about what happened and she said, "that's impossible - there are NO side effects to this device!"
    Then I told her about the footsteps on the porch, and in this case she made me feel like I should be empowered and that I should buy pepper spray or whatever to defend myself.
    She convinced me to keep the Alpha stimulant one more week. However I refused to use it. I know my body - and I had not had sleep hallucinations in 2 years - what are the odds?
    Meanwhile that next day, I found deer prints in my yard - and it dawned on me that the clomping I heard were deer on my porch. Phew. What a relief.

    So the following week I give her the Alpha stimulant back, and say no deal. I am not trying that again. And she says, "yea, you were feeling a little paranoid last week, huh....." My face flushed with rage. "I said, what do you mean?" She said well, you thought you could see the electricity in your were just pretty fearful of that whole thing. And then you thought you heard stomping on your porch." I told her I was NOT paranoid. "And she said, oh really, why do you think that?" **<forehead>** "Ummm, because I had a reaction to that thing, that made me sleep hallucinate - and there were DEER on my PORCH that made the stomping sounds"!!!!!

    Now I am having a hard time even going back. I know she doesn't know me, and she is going on the status quo of the many ding dongs out there - but yet - any ding dong deserves someone to truly LISTEN to what they are trying to communicate. After periods of time, then you can decide if the ding dong is a ding dong or not - but not before!

    Then today I went to the second session of the new psychiatrist. :angry-very: mad, mad, mad!!!!!!!!! She sits there for FIVE minutes and debates with me about what the real cause of my sleep problems are. " I don't structure my bedtimes, I don't have structure in my life, I sleep too long, blah, blah, blah." I told her like 3 different times that this has been going on since I was SIX. I am 44. LOTS of scenarios with lots of structure and no sleep has happened in those 38 years - sleep problem is still there!! She continued to give me all of these superficial remedies to "fix it", instead of listening and going oh, I see you have tried all of those and they did not work. I wanted to hit her.

    I know I overreact inside. I KNOW. But I was just wondering if I am the only one?? Is it just because we all know a lot about this world of psychology - and most doctors treat us as if we don't??? I remember screaming at doctors with Matt's issues, because they did not believe me that X medicine could have Y side effect. It just infuriates me. And now I seemed hard wired to not be doubted or minimized in any way shape or form.

  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Good for you! No one seeking help should be doubted or minimized. PERIOD.

    Yes, I feel I go a bit overboard when doctors (of any kind) treat me like I just fell off a turnip truck. Come to think of it, not just doctors, ANYBODY.
  3. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    i hate when psychiatrists don't listen and talk down to me. i hate when anyone does it, but especially someone who is supposed to help out and how can they when they don't listen. i get the same kind of frustrated with the school board and with my mother when i feel like what i know from experience is being brushed off and replaced with other peoples assumptions.
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I guess I have learned to expect to have to have to jump through their stupid hoops before we get to any real meat and potatoes. EVeryone (not just docs) seem to have their idea of a magic cure, and you have to prove to them that it doesn't work before you make any progress. Accepting that has made me less reactive to those situations (tho its still stupid and wasteful of my time and theirs)

    Its like if someone calls me to change their flat tire. I'm going to check for a leak that I can fix before I just go to all the trouble to change the tire, most likely even if they tell me they know they need their spare put on...
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Yes ready2run - school boards were another huge trigger, phosph, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - and yes parents. People that you expect to *know* better.

    Shari, good analogy - I guess I have to think of it that way - except that if I had a flat tire and a professional checked for other things I would be OK - but if a friend did that, I would assume that they thought I was an idiot. It all comes down to trust I guess, and trust is built - but trust can only be built if the people who " know things" have an open mind and LISTEN without judging.
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    For me it comes down to personality. They have the kind of personality that doesn't listen so i find a new doctor that will listen. If I need that person to listen (because their is no else to go to) and they aren't I go over their heads. And yeah I get really mad about it. Not because I know as much or more than they do. I get mad because it common decency to listen to the people who are paying you to listen.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I think that's the part that bugs me the most.
    Their JOB is to listen.
    Most bend over backwards to convince you they are good listeners.

    And most... don't have a clue how to listen.

  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I guess I'm thinking of the few people that WOULD call me to change their tire...most folks I know would handle it themselves...the few that wouldn't...well, they probably wouldn't know that you COULD plug a tire...

    but you get the gist! lol
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    you have every right to be upset, that is just plain maddening. i have met some jerky docs in my just recently for me...One visit and that was it. I dont have insurance so not much of a choice but I wont go to a doctor that just says, well that shouldn't hurt. HUH? push it again and see what I do!
    these folks just don't seem to get the big picture with you and as you say, even if they didn't get it they could make an effort to listen and try. Not just go into fix-it mode. dont you think the docs that act this way just dont get real life. I think the most secure and best docs are willing to say, hmmm I just dont know. Let me check out some things and we can solve this together. The ones that just push a treatment and dont believe the side effects are just a little too by-the-book and insecure.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I can't handle a condescending tone from anyone, most especially a doctor. Nor will I put up with it. I've dumped more docs for that reason than I care to count. Medical or otherwise. If they don't listen, then there is a very slim chance they're going to help the problem anyway because they won't really know what it is. They don't teach bedside manner anymore by the way. (in case you couldn't tell lol )

    As for the device........... I would've called her on just how she could possibly believe that a device shooting electricity (don't care if it's low voltage or not) into one's brain will be side effect free. If say, you had undiagnosed epilepsy, I'm sure it wouldn't be without some pretty major side effects. Soon as she told me what it did I'd have told her to stuff it or wear it to bed herself.

    I'd be looking for a new psychiatrist/therapist if it were me. Sometimes it can be a challenge to find a good fit.

  11. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'd be looking for a new therapist. I would have walked out of her office.

    As for psychiatrist, sometimes you need to give them a few chances. They are so used to people coming in and just wanting medications before trying anything else. I know how frustrating it is. I sleep most of the time now, but before the heart attack and all that? I averaged 3-5 hours sleep a night. For years. And years and years. Many days I went to work, up for 24 hours by the time I got there because I couldn't sleep at all. And I got the "sleep hygiene" and "structure" spiel. Yet when a male friend had trouble sleeping for 2 nights, his doctor prescribed him ambien. With refills. I was *livid*!!!

    Anyway, I would give the psychiatrist a couple more chances. After that, I'd be moving on there, too. If they're not helping, they're wasting your time at best; doing more harm at worst.

    And you're right. Us warrior moms do know a thing or two about these things and it is infuriating when we aren't listened to.
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I thought a lot about this last night. I am in desperate need of counseling, and yet it is not just what the therapist said to me that makes me not want to go back - it is also the fact that she was not willing to be open minded enough to even consider what had happened to me was the truth. MY truth. It doesn't matter if she clinically believed me or could scientifically prove there were no side effects - for me it was the fact that she said I was paranoid, i.e. discounted my reality.

    The other thing is that I had such a close bond with E. in Dallas, that I think this is really hindering me getting to trust a new therapist. I could go find another one, and just browse the market, but how exhausting is that. And regardless I would have to start completely over with every single detail of my life, and why I react the way I do to certain things certain ways, etc. There are some things I have never told another person besides E. NO ONE. And I am pretty sure I cannot tell them to someone new. Or if I was able to get to that level of trust, it would take years. The dealbreaker is that the things I only felt comfortable to tell E. I still have nightmares about and am traumatized by - I still need help processing those things now not 7 years from now. It is a real catch 22.

    I called her and asked if we could try Skype again. I need her wisdom. I don't know what else to do. Does this make any sense?
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yes, it does.

    You have some critical stuff to work through so you can move beyond it.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I was going to suggest trying to get telephone antiquated, lol. Skype would allow you all to read each other's body language as well as hear the words. on the other hand if Skype isn't possible my psychiatrist will set a call appointment for me so long as he sees me in person every six months in person. Hope it works for you. Hugs. DDD
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That little electric thing...I think I had it at a chiro place one time. Was weird. Almost like a TENS unit.

    I have had problems with my fair share of doctors too. Thats why I do my very best to hang onto the good ones when I get them. I was devastated when my gp started only doing hospital calls and very rare in office visits. I still use his practice but that is when I had to get sent to a pain management clinic. I just go to the practice for normal health stuff.

    I do know what its like to have to start over with a therapist after losing one you have loved. I lost Joy this past December the same time my dad died. I was livid because it was all due to insurance. She wasnt happy about it either. I was actually her first patient. We had a really close bond. Maybe too close. I saw another guy for about 3 months but I just didnt like his form of therapy even though he was very nice. Im still looking. Joy and I still see each other as friends. We call, email and meet for lunch or dinner at least once or twice a month. She is trying to find me another therapist even though that is not her job anymore.

    psychiatrists are easier to me. You dont have to build up as much trust with them, you just have to get your records that show that you have xxx disorders and then work with a psychiatrist on what medications you need to take. Now if you want the psychiatrist to have you retested on any disorders, ask for a new neuropsychologist. They should agree to that. Then you can discuss new medications or something.

    There are just so many different classes of medications and you need to discuss with a psychiatrist which ones you should try. You should be able to have an educated discussion with a doctor about a medication and why you are going to take it. I am not going to put anything in my body or do anything to my body without knowing exactly what it is or why I am doing it. Just not happening. Most doctors that I am involved with like that I am involved in my care, if they arent, they arent on my team for long.