K
Kjs
Guest
NOW thing. Has to do it right now. Doesn't care who gets hurt or what anyone is doing. And if he doesn't get it "now" there is a complete outburst, tantrum sort of. Do they ever get it? Do they ever care about anyone else?
I get that way at times. I think it is more a issue of no patience than anything else. When I am that way I can only focus on that one item. I NEED it. I don't know what to do until I have it. Life will not be right until I get it so better give it to me NOW! When I am like this you better drop everything and cater to me.
difficult child (and sometimes I) needs to learn how to chill - how to wait for something. To relax and give others time or to accept that it is not possible.
Unfortunately, your difficult child has a harder time than most doing so. If it is something you are able to do but just not fast enough, turn the focus on him relaxing, it will get done, give it time.
difficult child (and sometimes I) needs to learn how to chill - how to wait for something. To relax and give others time or to accept that it is not possible.
Unfortunately, your difficult child has a harder time than most doing so. If it is something you are able to do but just not fast enough, turn the focus on him relaxing, it will get done, give it time.
They CAN move past that stage. But it takes a lot of work from both of you. difficult child has to learn to wait and you have to learn to NOT EVER give into the NNOW NOW NOW NOW NOW routine. Normal requests can be done now or later, but when they are pressuring you like that you MUST find a way to NOT give in. make them wait with-o pestering you about it for a few minutes, working up to an hour as you gradually increase.
It is also part of the boundary issues many of us face with our difficult children. It is so over the top urgent that we change our plans and let them infringe upon us with their wants. Because it is usually over a WANT and not a NEED.
I hope things get calmer. Are you still on quit mode? Letting husband handle all the difficult child stuff? If so, then tell difficult child that sure, he can have it, as soon as dad says it is ok and can do it with/for him. Be calm when you say it, and then leave the room.
It sure has been a rough week for you, hasn't it? You will make it through this. Sooner or later.
I will pray for sooner!
Hugs!
It is also part of the boundary issues many of us face with our difficult children. It is so over the top urgent that we change our plans and let them infringe upon us with their wants. Because it is usually over a WANT and not a NEED.
I hope things get calmer. Are you still on quit mode? Letting husband handle all the difficult child stuff? If so, then tell difficult child that sure, he can have it, as soon as dad says it is ok and can do it with/for him. Be calm when you say it, and then leave the room.
It sure has been a rough week for you, hasn't it? You will make it through this. Sooner or later.
I will pray for sooner!
Hugs!
nvts
Active Member
Start small. When he asks for something hand him an egg timer set to the time you wanted him to wait (I'd start out small - like 5 mins) tell him you have noted the time (so he doesn't force the clock to wind down) and he can have it when the timer goes off.
Once it goes off, give him what he wants and praise the heck out of him along with the reinforcement about how 5 mins. really is a short time to wait - just make sure it runs along the line of "I KNEW you could hold out for 5 mins, I'm so proud" yadda, yadda, yA!
Wish you luck!
Beth
Once it goes off, give him what he wants and praise the heck out of him along with the reinforcement about how 5 mins. really is a short time to wait - just make sure it runs along the line of "I KNEW you could hold out for 5 mins, I'm so proud" yadda, yadda, yA!
Wish you luck!
Beth
now, now, now is there way lol. oh wow i know what you mean it doesn't matter if your bleeding out I WANT IT NOW!!! LOL
I like Beth's suggestion. that's what i did not with an egg timer, yet i'd pick little things and make her wait for them.
funny thing is, when i did that she just started doing more for herself because she wanted it NOW NOW NOW!!
funny, huh...?? other morning was bugging me for her bagel that's her little friday reward for making it out the door the other 4 days. she was like i want it now, cut it up now. she did say please though.
so i said give me one minute. she grabbed a butter knife cut it open and put the butter on
just breath, it'll come in time i think
I like Beth's suggestion. that's what i did not with an egg timer, yet i'd pick little things and make her wait for them.
funny thing is, when i did that she just started doing more for herself because she wanted it NOW NOW NOW!!
funny, huh...?? other morning was bugging me for her bagel that's her little friday reward for making it out the door the other 4 days. she was like i want it now, cut it up now. she did say please though.
so i said give me one minute. she grabbed a butter knife cut it open and put the butter on
just breath, it'll come in time i think
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
Pestering me leads to an automatic no at our house. Duckie hates it (and me) but it's slowly making an impact.
amazeofgrace
A maze of Grace - that about sums it up
gott alove that compulsive trait don't we? LOL! My Dad calls difficult child II Hitler based on his tirads and commaning of family memembers to do this and that for him NOW! Ugh! I hope it gets better, I am doubtful though, come to think of it X was very similar. If he did not get his way a hissy fit was sure to ensue
K
Kjs
Guest
yes - I still quit. difficult child has been home a day and a half. He hasn't asked for anything. I was just thinking about him and how I can handle him. difficult child didn't ask to go anywhere yesterday, but it was my birthday and I think he knew better. Today I am sure will be different. Last day of spring break. I will refer him to dad. Trouble with dad and the now issue is Dad's life revolves around difficult child. When difficult child wants something husband does it. That is why WE have no life. What if difficult child wants something? He IS getting better though so I know he is trying. A little.
Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday! That makes us tripletts you know (I am a twin already and it was our birthday yesterday also). I sent my twin this e-mail:
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to meeeee!
and Happy Birthday to you!
She replied with:
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to us!
Happy Birthday to we!
I am glad your difficult child didn't add anything new to the mix. I got to have my difficult child tell me in the morning that he was dying but the afternoon and evening went well.
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to meeeee!
and Happy Birthday to you!
She replied with:
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to us!
Happy Birthday to we!
I am glad your difficult child didn't add anything new to the mix. I got to have my difficult child tell me in the morning that he was dying but the afternoon and evening went well.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I think when kids are younger...they dont understand time. They think they want things and they need to have them when they ask for them. This should begin to change as they get older. Toddlers want things NOW! It is hard to explain delayed gratification to them. I have noticed with my granddaughter when we take her on a trip in the car that it is hard to get her to understand that we cant give her something until we stop at the "next exit." After a few car trips now she seems to get that concept. Now she answers us back...Next exit Grandma? Yes baby...Next exit.
I think the key to teaching that you cant have everything NOW is starting young. Start with small things...tv shows, leaving for the store, etc. Anything you can delay for a short while. "oh you want a cookie? Well, you can have one later after you pick up your toys." or even..."you want to play on the computer? Well computer time is at 4pm and it is only 2pm. Go outside and play until then."
I think the key to teaching that you cant have everything NOW is starting young. Start with small things...tv shows, leaving for the store, etc. Anything you can delay for a short while. "oh you want a cookie? Well, you can have one later after you pick up your toys." or even..."you want to play on the computer? Well computer time is at 4pm and it is only 2pm. Go outside and play until then."
gcvmom
Here we go again!
I have problems with this with husband! He is getting better, though. I ask him to answer if he really needs the item NOW, TODAY, or is it something he's likely to use later. If he doesn't need to use it TODAY or RIGHT THIS MINUTE, I remind him that we can come back when he does need it, and that the money would be put to a better use on something else, like, oh, the RENT that's due TODAY. 
He's getting better about my logic and seeing that I'm not trying to deny or punish him. Which is usually what escalates into a war if that's how he takes it.
Before he was on medications, I once got tired of arguing why we couldn't afford an above-ground jacuzzi. (We would need to have a concrete foundation poured for it, a fence around it (since we have an unfenced yard), electrical run to it, and a permit for it all, not to mention the cost of the unit and the maintenance. So I finally rolled over and let him buy one. He gladly signed the contract for the financing, etc. Then I told him HE needed to get the bids for all the other work that would need to be done to get ready for the unit to be delivered. Once he actually got into gathering the numbers and adding things up, he realized what a huge mistake he'd made and that we truly did not have the money for the thing. (It was going to be several thousand dollars more just to get the unit set up).
Then he had the audacity to get MAD at ME for letting him sign the purchase contract!!! Fortunately, we were still within the recision period for the agreement, so he was able to call and cancel it before we actually took delivery. I think he learned an important lesson to be careful what he asks for in the future! And to TRUST my judgement
He's getting better about my logic and seeing that I'm not trying to deny or punish him. Which is usually what escalates into a war if that's how he takes it. Before he was on medications, I once got tired of arguing why we couldn't afford an above-ground jacuzzi. (We would need to have a concrete foundation poured for it, a fence around it (since we have an unfenced yard), electrical run to it, and a permit for it all, not to mention the cost of the unit and the maintenance. So I finally rolled over and let him buy one. He gladly signed the contract for the financing, etc. Then I told him HE needed to get the bids for all the other work that would need to be done to get ready for the unit to be delivered. Once he actually got into gathering the numbers and adding things up, he realized what a huge mistake he'd made and that we truly did not have the money for the thing. (It was going to be several thousand dollars more just to get the unit set up).
Then he had the audacity to get MAD at ME for letting him sign the purchase contract!!! Fortunately, we were still within the recision period for the agreement, so he was able to call and cancel it before we actually took delivery. I think he learned an important lesson to be careful what he asks for in the future! And to TRUST my judgement
