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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 652238" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>You know what I think it is?</p><p></p><p>Just as there can be a genetic precursor for sociopathy or addiction, there must also be a genetic precursor for whatever it is that we are. The other side of who it looks like I must be is that I don't have driving ambition. That is not a good thing. I never seem to know what I want. I just want everything to smell good and look nice, and for all of us to be happy.</p><p></p><p>If something bad happens, I want to be prepared to help. I am no longer practicing, but I periodically review CPR skills and so on, just in case. (For instance, did you know the correct rhythm for chest compression is the beat for the disco song "Staying Alive"? And that rescue breaths are no longer necessary, as long as we keep the blood circulating? Too many people were ignoring the situation altogether because rescue breathing exposes us to disease.)</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I think about stuff like that.</p><p></p><p>But I wonder how it must be, to have that drive for success, and to have attaining the thing be enough in itself. </p><p></p><p>I am not good at garage sales.</p><p></p><p>I am not good at asking for raises.</p><p></p><p>I am not a sales person in any sense whatsoever. I just don't have the touch for it.</p><p></p><p>That is a piece of what sociopathic people have. They want what they want and there are no barriers. (Like whether someone else is feeling happy, or whether we can make a difference for the 88 year old neighbor or for the neighbor who lost a wife and so on.)</p><p></p><p>That stuff makes me happy.</p><p></p><p>husband and I are going back and forth on boundaries, for our marriage, from the things our neighbors may need.</p><p></p><p>So, I am thinking this morning that maybe these kinds of behaviors are genetic, too.</p><p></p><p>Speaking of which, where has 2much2recover been, does anyone know?</p><p></p><p>We have not heard so much from our 2much, lately.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>My mom likes to play one of her children off against the other, as far as who can outdo the other one for my mother's sake. </p><p></p><p>She likes to talk about our "jealousy" of one another over her. Specifically, she was talking about my jealousy, and my sister's, of one another as we tried to outdo each other for my mother's...attention? For my mother's feeling cherished and protected, maybe? For her approval ~ that part I understand. I don't get why there could only be enough approval for one child, or why whatever one child does for her would be diminished by something another child might do.</p><p></p><p>The dynamic there is something like that.</p><p></p><p>I mean, it is our mutual mother. It would make sense that the happier and more cherished and cared for she feels, all of us should be happier, should feel so fortunate, too.</p><p></p><p>But that is not how it seems to be working. It has to do with their black and white thinking, maybe.</p><p></p><p>The thing it had in common with the way your mom has you feeling was that my mom's point of view was so single-mindedly offensive. Like, whatever is done, is only done to out do and demean a sibling. A thing could not be done out of love for the mother.</p><p></p><p>Maybe they do not see the world in terms of love at all, because they do not see the way we see?</p><p></p><p>And we could be the wrong ones, the ones always hoping to make our environments work the way they seem so close to working.</p><p></p><p>I don't know any of those answers. I do know I certainly have felt foolish or downright nakedly stupid and ugly in the heart of me when I see myself as my mother sees me.</p><p></p><p>So, I don't know how to see me, and that will have to be enough.</p><p></p><p>And that is why I am thinking about boundary issues lately, I suppose.</p><p></p><p>Maybe I am getting a boundary.</p><p></p><p>So my family of origin had best look out.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 652238, member: 17461"] You know what I think it is? Just as there can be a genetic precursor for sociopathy or addiction, there must also be a genetic precursor for whatever it is that we are. The other side of who it looks like I must be is that I don't have driving ambition. That is not a good thing. I never seem to know what I want. I just want everything to smell good and look nice, and for all of us to be happy. If something bad happens, I want to be prepared to help. I am no longer practicing, but I periodically review CPR skills and so on, just in case. (For instance, did you know the correct rhythm for chest compression is the beat for the disco song "Staying Alive"? And that rescue breaths are no longer necessary, as long as we keep the blood circulating? Too many people were ignoring the situation altogether because rescue breathing exposes us to disease.) Anyway, I think about stuff like that. But I wonder how it must be, to have that drive for success, and to have attaining the thing be enough in itself. I am not good at garage sales. I am not good at asking for raises. I am not a sales person in any sense whatsoever. I just don't have the touch for it. That is a piece of what sociopathic people have. They want what they want and there are no barriers. (Like whether someone else is feeling happy, or whether we can make a difference for the 88 year old neighbor or for the neighbor who lost a wife and so on.) That stuff makes me happy. husband and I are going back and forth on boundaries, for our marriage, from the things our neighbors may need. So, I am thinking this morning that maybe these kinds of behaviors are genetic, too. Speaking of which, where has 2much2recover been, does anyone know? We have not heard so much from our 2much, lately. *** My mom likes to play one of her children off against the other, as far as who can outdo the other one for my mother's sake. She likes to talk about our "jealousy" of one another over her. Specifically, she was talking about my jealousy, and my sister's, of one another as we tried to outdo each other for my mother's...attention? For my mother's feeling cherished and protected, maybe? For her approval ~ that part I understand. I don't get why there could only be enough approval for one child, or why whatever one child does for her would be diminished by something another child might do. The dynamic there is something like that. I mean, it is our mutual mother. It would make sense that the happier and more cherished and cared for she feels, all of us should be happier, should feel so fortunate, too. But that is not how it seems to be working. It has to do with their black and white thinking, maybe. The thing it had in common with the way your mom has you feeling was that my mom's point of view was so single-mindedly offensive. Like, whatever is done, is only done to out do and demean a sibling. A thing could not be done out of love for the mother. Maybe they do not see the world in terms of love at all, because they do not see the way we see? And we could be the wrong ones, the ones always hoping to make our environments work the way they seem so close to working. I don't know any of those answers. I do know I certainly have felt foolish or downright nakedly stupid and ugly in the heart of me when I see myself as my mother sees me. So, I don't know how to see me, and that will have to be enough. And that is why I am thinking about boundary issues lately, I suppose. Maybe I am getting a boundary. So my family of origin had best look out. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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