Do Not Disturb!

[JKF]

Every evening at 7 pm my phone is scheduled to go on "do not disturb" until 7 am. I do this bc I'm tired of the constant drama from difficult child. I cant take it. He used to call non stop at night and I'm done with that. Around 7:30 I checked my Facebook and saw a message from difficult child. Very strange bc he's restricted from the computer at the group home right now. I opened the message and it said "F you B**ch you don't want to talk to me?? Fine bye!!" So I called the group home and they said he left earlier and they think hes about 20 minutes away from there. I responded to the FB message and got "F YOU I HATE YOU BYE" as a response back. I am now sitting here shaking. This HAS to stop! I've been good at standing my ground but this stuff still literally shakes me to the core. I have to be honest, not only am I afraid he'll get hurt or hurt himself, but I'm terrified he'll come here and try to hurt me or us. He's 2 hours away and hasn't set foot in this house since he threatened to kill me last year. He tried once (hitched all the way here - took him 9 hours!!) to come here but we refused to allow him to come to our house bc he's a threat to us and himself.

So now, here I sit, full of anxiety and basically freaking out. I keep thinking he's going to come here. I will call the police if he does but what if something happens?? I've checked every window and door a million times but I'm still a wreck. My husband is furious bc this affects us daily - as a family, as a couple, and on a personal level.

I love my difficult child more than he'll ever know but he can't see past his hurt and anger towards me. He's in a very dark place right now and I don't know how to "save" him.

Anyway, I just needed to vent a little and get some nervous energy out. So glad to have this board to come to at times like this! Thanks for "listening"!

 

[BusynMember]

I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry. Make sure your cell phone (or landline) is right next to one of you and be prepared to call the cops or 911 if he shows up. I hope he doesn't and that everyone stays safe. Please keep us posted.

 

[recoveringenabler]

JKF, I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I am not an expert here, however, if he threatened to kill you last year and is violent in general, perhaps it would be good idea to call the police and explain what is presently going on. Alert them to his past behaviors and his violent nature and that he may be heading to your home tonight. And, it may also be prudent, tomorrow, to get a restraining order for your protection and the protection of your family. If he is 18, he is an adult and if he comes near you, please call the police and have him arrested. You have to protect yourself and your other son. Geez, you're in a terrible situation, but you have options to keep him at a distance, please take them and stay safe. Keep venting here, it helps. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers............(((HUGS)))

 

[JKF]

Thanks MWM - I keep my phone next to me every single night "just in case". I'm praying that he doesn't come here. I hate this feeling so much!

 

[FlowerGarden]

I agree with MidwestMom about keeping your phone with you and calling for help. Also, if your car key has a panic button on it, keep that with you at all times. Setting off the panic alarm will have people looking outside and calling police if it doesn't go off. A friend was told to do this by the police as a back up to having the phone on her all the time.

 

[JKF]

RE - last time I knew he was headed this way I called the police. They told me they couldn't do anything unless he actually showed up and threatened me. Thank god he never quite made it to the house that day! I was so scared when I found out he was in the area that I took my 11 year old and left the house for the afternoon. difficult child wound up going to the psychiatric hospital after we refused to allow him to come here.

I'm going to have to seriously think about a restraining order. My hubby mentioned that too earlier but when it comes down to it if he wants to hurt me/us he will. A restraining order won't stop him. He has no regard for law/authority as it is and it's only getting worse each day. I never thought I'd fear him but I do and it's a horrible feeling!

 

[Calamity Jane]

Do you already have an alarm/security system on your house? Also, I'd suggest you not put up anything personal on FB, like you're going to a party at so-and-so's---you get the idea. So he won't know where to find you. Sheesh, that's nuts...get a restraining order if you don't have one. I'm so sorry-it may be all bluster on his part, but who knows?

 

[recoveringenabler]

Oh my JKF, I feel for you, I can't imagine how it must feel to be afraid of your own son. I'm glad you already checked in with the police before, at least you know what you can and cannot do. And, yes, he can still harm you with a restraining order, you're right, however, if he tries and you call the police, WITH one, he will be arrested and at least then, while he's incarcerated, you will be safe and have some kind of peace. I don't know what to tell you, maybe other people have some good ideas. Keep sharing with us, we're here, you're not alone. I'm so sorry, I wish I had some great advice. Do you have an alarm system for the house? If not, that may help you to feel safe. I'm thinking about you JKF, praying for your safety and for peace for you and husband and difficult child#2.

 

[JKF]

We don't have an alarm system but after this we're getting one!! I can't take not feeling safe in my own home! We work really hard for this house and its not fair!

Anyway, I just called the group home again for an update. Apparently he's been gone since 2 this afternoon!!! He was spotted about 20 miles away at 6:30 pm with a girl who left from another group home. So he's got an accomplice. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse! Worse I think bc there are 2. He has no money to get anywhere transportation wise but I don't know if this girl has connections or what plan the two of them will come up with. It's raining and cold here so they will need shelter. It's been 3 hours since they were spotted. Who knows where they could possibly be?? I guess so much for sleep tonight!

 

[JKF]

The only slight peace of mind I have is that recently I locked myself out of the house and could not get in no matter what! I tried every window and door and was so desperate that I even tried to pry open a window but it wouldn't budge. So I guess it's a secure house but it sure doesn't feel like it at this very moment!

 

[buddy]

Really sorry he is scaring you like that. I'm glad you're getting an alarm system so there can be someone with a record of.your situation too. Hope he is just thinking of running off with a girl and not coming to you. (Of course would be better if hed stay there.) Saying a.prayer for you, try to get some sleep.

 

[hearts and roses]

Sending positive thoughts your way! I am so so sorry, JKF, that you're living like this. Definitely get the alarm system, keep your car keys and cell next to you and please check in frequently so we know you're safe. Hugs.

 

[JKF]

Thanks for the support! I'm probably over reacting but ever since he threatened to kill me I actually started to believe that it could be a real possibility that he might someday! I'm hoping he did just run off with this girl, although that thought alone is greatly disturbing as well! lol Taking a deep breath now and watching repeats of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and hopefully sleep will capture me in the near future! Thanks again to you all for your responses and advice tonight!

 

[buddy]

LOL thats what I.do to.shut my thoughts off! Im liking the really old shows, like from before I was born through the seventies too. I'm sure I'm not gonna sleep well so I'll check in once in a while if you need to babble. ( my word for what I do to relieve stress, it helps! )

 

[recoveringenabler]

JKF, I hope you get some sleep. Please check in tomorrow and update us so we know you're safe. (((HUGS)))

 

[JKF]

Thank you buddy! You just made an overly tired, Neurotic woman smile! LOL You definitely got your wings for the day! Thank you for being so kind and caring!

 

[JKF]

Thank you RE! I will most definitely check in tomorrow to let you all know how exhausted I am!!! lol Thanks and ((((((((big hugs)))))))) to you! I appreciate your support more than you know!

 

[buddy]

Well then I must be too! I was glad to see you were able to think of sleep. I didn't do too badly myself except that Q got.up several times talking nonsense (I assume sleep walking ) again. I was up for good at 4. Well ....will keep on saying the serenity prayer, smile!

 

[JKF]

Well I made it through the night without him coming here. However I only got about 2 hours of sleep and feel like the walking dead right now. I need to make some calls today. Police about a restraining order, alarm company, group home, and CMO. This stops NOW! Last night I had a weak moment and allowed myself to be scared but today I'm angry! Really angry! Tired and cranky too and that's NOT a good combo! He's either going to get help or that's it. We're done. We love him but enough's enough!

 

[JKF]

Buddy I was up for good at 4 as well! At least I know I had good company out there somewhere at that god awful hour!