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Do they even know what love is?
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 26871" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>What an interesting topic, thanks for starting it, CA Mom! Shortly after I kicked my dtr out I had to deal with her in person--long story, not relevant here--and I felt like my blinders were off and I was seeing her for the 1st time with a more objective view. I told her something about how much she had betrayed all of her family with her lies and stealing and using us and that each of us, me, her stepdad and 2 siblings all felt the same way. She said that she couldn't really care about us, the only person she cared about was her boyfriend. I thanked her for being honest, said that we all knew it from the way she treated us. It was very liberating to me at the moment because I didn't feel upset, and actually did feel glad she was being honest.</p><p></p><p>A little bit later she surprised me by telling me that she actually did care about us but it was too painful so she just shut those feelings away. Again, I was able to be in my more "objective" mode and told her I was sorry and maybe she could deal with it someday in therapy. I didn't get all sucked in but didn't reject her either. Since then we have had a much better relationship but I need to take those blinders off every now and then because I tend to put them back on and can't see her objectively. I see that she loves me but can't love me in the way I might want her to. But then with kids I don't think you can expect them to love you the way you love them anyway. I think it is not good for us to look to our children for our need for love. I have told difficult child 1 a number of times that if she does have a baby (has been pregnant 3 times now, miscarried each time) that the baby won't give a darn about her needs--to a baby it is all about me, me, me. So many girls seem to think that a baby will fulfill their need for love and a baby couldn't care less about that!</p><p></p><p>Thanks,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 26871, member: 3450"] What an interesting topic, thanks for starting it, CA Mom! Shortly after I kicked my dtr out I had to deal with her in person--long story, not relevant here--and I felt like my blinders were off and I was seeing her for the 1st time with a more objective view. I told her something about how much she had betrayed all of her family with her lies and stealing and using us and that each of us, me, her stepdad and 2 siblings all felt the same way. She said that she couldn't really care about us, the only person she cared about was her boyfriend. I thanked her for being honest, said that we all knew it from the way she treated us. It was very liberating to me at the moment because I didn't feel upset, and actually did feel glad she was being honest. A little bit later she surprised me by telling me that she actually did care about us but it was too painful so she just shut those feelings away. Again, I was able to be in my more "objective" mode and told her I was sorry and maybe she could deal with it someday in therapy. I didn't get all sucked in but didn't reject her either. Since then we have had a much better relationship but I need to take those blinders off every now and then because I tend to put them back on and can't see her objectively. I see that she loves me but can't love me in the way I might want her to. But then with kids I don't think you can expect them to love you the way you love them anyway. I think it is not good for us to look to our children for our need for love. I have told difficult child 1 a number of times that if she does have a baby (has been pregnant 3 times now, miscarried each time) that the baby won't give a darn about her needs--to a baby it is all about me, me, me. So many girls seem to think that a baby will fulfill their need for love and a baby couldn't care less about that! Thanks, Jane [/QUOTE]
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