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Do they ever get it???
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 34665" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think a new skill that needs to be on the agenda for every social skills course is how to communicate online without offending people. it seems to be especially difficult with difficult children. An adult friend of mine can take offence really easily, as well as getting very offensive, mostly due to misunderstandings in recognising someone's mood in email messages. Then, when she gets offended, it REALLY is upsetting and you wonder - do I bother to respond? Or will she assume lack of response means she is right?</p><p></p><p>What I've had to do is distance myself from this friend and refuse to communicate except on official matters. Your son may TRY to suck up to this kid, but the other kid may refuse to communicate.</p><p></p><p>Poor social skills are magnified online. Also, our difficult children have to learn that liking/not liking a particular band should be no big deal. If they see a situation beginning to flare in a chat session, they need to have the skills to cut it off and walk away. The trouble is, they so often don't, not before too much damage is done.</p><p></p><p>Chatting online too much can be unhealthy, if there is not also a balancing amount of face-to-face or over the phone communication. This is especially true for those with poor social skills.</p><p>I'm beginning to see this with difficult child 3 - he has joined a teen chat room and I keep having to monitor his online communication, to help him understand how to do it without upsetting people or getting upset when he really needn't.</p><p></p><p>When easy child 2/difficult child 2's ex-boyfriend blogged nastily about her on a chat room where they were both known, I helped her formulate a response to him. If I had let her post what she felt, it would have been disastrous. A lot of her face-to-face friends also frequented that chat room and she would have lost them with a hostile response, however much she felt justified.</p><p></p><p>What I got her to do was to write into a text file exactly what she was feeling. BUT NOT POST IT. We then used it to draft a personal message to him, basically outlining ground rules for future communication. Having written her feelings out was therapeutic and we kept in touch with the golden rule - "What will be achieved if I post this? Anything positive? If not, I must not post it."</p><p></p><p>Your son may have already done too much damage. Let's hope it can help him learn a bit better for next time. </p><p>We also set a rule - any physical attack on the computer out of rage gets you banned from that computer for a period of time, because we can't afford to replace a computer simply because difficult child is having a bad day. That rule helped difficult child 3 especially (the major culprit) to learn to walk away and attack something more disposable instead.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 34665, member: 1991"] I think a new skill that needs to be on the agenda for every social skills course is how to communicate online without offending people. it seems to be especially difficult with difficult children. An adult friend of mine can take offence really easily, as well as getting very offensive, mostly due to misunderstandings in recognising someone's mood in email messages. Then, when she gets offended, it REALLY is upsetting and you wonder - do I bother to respond? Or will she assume lack of response means she is right? What I've had to do is distance myself from this friend and refuse to communicate except on official matters. Your son may TRY to suck up to this kid, but the other kid may refuse to communicate. Poor social skills are magnified online. Also, our difficult children have to learn that liking/not liking a particular band should be no big deal. If they see a situation beginning to flare in a chat session, they need to have the skills to cut it off and walk away. The trouble is, they so often don't, not before too much damage is done. Chatting online too much can be unhealthy, if there is not also a balancing amount of face-to-face or over the phone communication. This is especially true for those with poor social skills. I'm beginning to see this with difficult child 3 - he has joined a teen chat room and I keep having to monitor his online communication, to help him understand how to do it without upsetting people or getting upset when he really needn't. When easy child 2/difficult child 2's ex-boyfriend blogged nastily about her on a chat room where they were both known, I helped her formulate a response to him. If I had let her post what she felt, it would have been disastrous. A lot of her face-to-face friends also frequented that chat room and she would have lost them with a hostile response, however much she felt justified. What I got her to do was to write into a text file exactly what she was feeling. BUT NOT POST IT. We then used it to draft a personal message to him, basically outlining ground rules for future communication. Having written her feelings out was therapeutic and we kept in touch with the golden rule - "What will be achieved if I post this? Anything positive? If not, I must not post it." Your son may have already done too much damage. Let's hope it can help him learn a bit better for next time. We also set a rule - any physical attack on the computer out of rage gets you banned from that computer for a period of time, because we can't afford to replace a computer simply because difficult child is having a bad day. That rule helped difficult child 3 especially (the major culprit) to learn to walk away and attack something more disposable instead. Marg [/QUOTE]
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