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Do we get something out of enabling our grown kids?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 637446" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is an excellent question. </p><p></p><p>But here is the thing: Would the things we have done for our difficult child kids have been enabling if they had worked? That's question #1. And Question #2: Would the actions we have taken again and again with our difficult child kids have worked the first time with easy child kids?</p><p></p><p>I posted on another thread that I had not parented accidentally. I wanted kids, I worked really hard to be a great mom, and I think I was a great mom.</p><p></p><p>Except for the way the kids turned out, I mean.</p><p></p><p>That was a joke.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>What I am trying to say though is that I meant to be the mom I was. I don't know to this day exactly what happened or how it happened that this happened. On enabling a difficult child...yes. I have more at stake in either of my difficult child kids pulling themselves together than they do.</p><p></p><p>They can always make a life.</p><p></p><p>I only have two children.</p><p></p><p>Also, that idea that I must have done it wrong or this would not be our situation...money, time, effort, endless thought, all the things we all do when we get those middle of the night phone calls ~ I take it back on that one. During difficult child daughter's last crisis, it came to me that in a normal family, a crisis of this nature ~ any one of the crises of the past two years, would have brought every member of a family together as the young woman involved lay dying from </p><p></p><p>1) Vehicular homicide attempt with lacerated liver and brain damage</p><p></p><p>2) Repeated awakenings in Intensive Care from drugs/alcohol overdoses. One of which, she was plucked out of a snowbank by an ambulance driver for.</p><p></p><p>3) The initial crash and burn, with vicious, homeless, drug addicted weirdos living in the same apartment as my three grandchildren.</p><p></p><p>Whatever.</p><p></p><p>You guys know all the rest of it. The treatment, the leaving AWOL, the homelessness, the beating, the horrific recovery.</p><p></p><p>The male who beat her is going to be sentenced November 17th.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>But I think that no, we don't get so much out of enabling. We have no choice to enable, sometimes. Death is final. I think we stood up really, really well this past two years, since the drugs and the homelessness and the beating. But I think it shook something up underneath to go through it.</p><p></p><p>And it's not over yet.</p><p></p><p>So I rescind any question regarding my own martyrdom/perfectionist question. I would like to see a parent of PCs go through even one of the episodes we routinely undergo and come through it standing.</p><p></p><p>I don't believe they could handle it.</p><p></p><p>But that is cold comfort.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 637446, member: 17461"] This is an excellent question. But here is the thing: Would the things we have done for our difficult child kids have been enabling if they had worked? That's question #1. And Question #2: Would the actions we have taken again and again with our difficult child kids have worked the first time with easy child kids? I posted on another thread that I had not parented accidentally. I wanted kids, I worked really hard to be a great mom, and I think I was a great mom. Except for the way the kids turned out, I mean. That was a joke. *** What I am trying to say though is that I meant to be the mom I was. I don't know to this day exactly what happened or how it happened that this happened. On enabling a difficult child...yes. I have more at stake in either of my difficult child kids pulling themselves together than they do. They can always make a life. I only have two children. Also, that idea that I must have done it wrong or this would not be our situation...money, time, effort, endless thought, all the things we all do when we get those middle of the night phone calls ~ I take it back on that one. During difficult child daughter's last crisis, it came to me that in a normal family, a crisis of this nature ~ any one of the crises of the past two years, would have brought every member of a family together as the young woman involved lay dying from 1) Vehicular homicide attempt with lacerated liver and brain damage 2) Repeated awakenings in Intensive Care from drugs/alcohol overdoses. One of which, she was plucked out of a snowbank by an ambulance driver for. 3) The initial crash and burn, with vicious, homeless, drug addicted weirdos living in the same apartment as my three grandchildren. Whatever. You guys know all the rest of it. The treatment, the leaving AWOL, the homelessness, the beating, the horrific recovery. The male who beat her is going to be sentenced November 17th. *** But I think that no, we don't get so much out of enabling. We have no choice to enable, sometimes. Death is final. I think we stood up really, really well this past two years, since the drugs and the homelessness and the beating. But I think it shook something up underneath to go through it. And it's not over yet. So I rescind any question regarding my own martyrdom/perfectionist question. I would like to see a parent of PCs go through even one of the episodes we routinely undergo and come through it standing. I don't believe they could handle it. But that is cold comfort. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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