Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Do we get something out of enabling our grown kids?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 637452" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>HLM, good post. I agree with you. It's hard to stop. Guilt is there, especially when you first start doing it. I am fortunate (or unfortunate) that I did not feel safe sharing much about especially 36 so that I got little feedback from others about what I should do. Of course, sometimes I did and it came from unexpected places, like the mother who took in 36 when he was thrown out for cornering me and raising his fist. In case you did not read that story, he went over to his friend's house and his parents took him in, shocked that he was thrown out. God knows what he told them. Mom called me up and reamed me out for a long time. I just listened. I was shocked and still kind of a doormat so, although I wanted to scream "SHADDUP" and hang up, I listened. When she said, "Don't you want to talk to your son?" I said, "No." She called me a bunch of names then hung up. She threw him out three weeks later, but she never did call to say, "You know, he WAS difficult..." </p><p></p><p>Anyhow, in my case, my worst critic was my inner self. My family is tiny, dysfunctional and not safe. I did have two extremely close friends and we did vent to one another, but they were wonderful and did not judge nor did I judge them. Both of them had at least one difficult child so they understood. It must be horrible to have the pressure of others making you feel like a worse mother or person than you already think you are. </p><p></p><p>I finally am at that place where I can usually (not always) handle difficult child and accept that the child we adopted from another country chooses not to consider us his family and will never be back. Learning mindfulness, radical acceptance, and other coping skills was so helpful that I can't even explain. I needed to start thinking about life differently. That included all areas of life, not just concerning my difficult children. </p><p></p><p>I agree we are stronger when we don't allow others to abuse us, and that includes our grown children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 637452, member: 1550"] HLM, good post. I agree with you. It's hard to stop. Guilt is there, especially when you first start doing it. I am fortunate (or unfortunate) that I did not feel safe sharing much about especially 36 so that I got little feedback from others about what I should do. Of course, sometimes I did and it came from unexpected places, like the mother who took in 36 when he was thrown out for cornering me and raising his fist. In case you did not read that story, he went over to his friend's house and his parents took him in, shocked that he was thrown out. God knows what he told them. Mom called me up and reamed me out for a long time. I just listened. I was shocked and still kind of a doormat so, although I wanted to scream "SHADDUP" and hang up, I listened. When she said, "Don't you want to talk to your son?" I said, "No." She called me a bunch of names then hung up. She threw him out three weeks later, but she never did call to say, "You know, he WAS difficult..." Anyhow, in my case, my worst critic was my inner self. My family is tiny, dysfunctional and not safe. I did have two extremely close friends and we did vent to one another, but they were wonderful and did not judge nor did I judge them. Both of them had at least one difficult child so they understood. It must be horrible to have the pressure of others making you feel like a worse mother or person than you already think you are. I finally am at that place where I can usually (not always) handle difficult child and accept that the child we adopted from another country chooses not to consider us his family and will never be back. Learning mindfulness, radical acceptance, and other coping skills was so helpful that I can't even explain. I needed to start thinking about life differently. That included all areas of life, not just concerning my difficult children. I agree we are stronger when we don't allow others to abuse us, and that includes our grown children. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Do we get something out of enabling our grown kids?
Top