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Parent Emeritus
Do we get something out of enabling our grown kids?
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<blockquote data-quote="Bone Weary" data-source="post: 637456" data-attributes="member: 18459"><p>I think it's interesting how God works. My brother-in-law is a counselor and he says I get something emotionally from my son, even if it is negative. And negative attention is better than no attention. I'm not sure he's right but in the past i was just so desperate to hear my son's voice, hoping this call would be the one he told me he changed. And a month ago it was. He had a religious experience; I went to see him baptized. I prayed it would be different. Then he asked for money, to help get a job of course. How could I turn him down? Three days later he needed more. Gas money to go to New Orleans to get that job. I've given gas money for jobs 3-4 times in this last month. But the lies piled upon lies. Now he is homeless. And he needs money for shelter. I don't know if he's using or if he ever stopped. I just know I can't enable anymore. I want to have joy again. So off topic. What did I get? I think I just wanted so badly for my son to know that he could have a different life than when he was little. In the movie The Green Mile, Michael Clark Duncan's character was talking about another character and said he "used their love against them". I think my son used my love against me. I am new here and that is just my opinion. I just wanted so desperately for him to love me and just be a good human being. I am not addicted to drama. I have just been a doormat my whole life. I don't want that anymore. Such a rambling message.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bone Weary, post: 637456, member: 18459"] I think it's interesting how God works. My brother-in-law is a counselor and he says I get something emotionally from my son, even if it is negative. And negative attention is better than no attention. I'm not sure he's right but in the past i was just so desperate to hear my son's voice, hoping this call would be the one he told me he changed. And a month ago it was. He had a religious experience; I went to see him baptized. I prayed it would be different. Then he asked for money, to help get a job of course. How could I turn him down? Three days later he needed more. Gas money to go to New Orleans to get that job. I've given gas money for jobs 3-4 times in this last month. But the lies piled upon lies. Now he is homeless. And he needs money for shelter. I don't know if he's using or if he ever stopped. I just know I can't enable anymore. I want to have joy again. So off topic. What did I get? I think I just wanted so badly for my son to know that he could have a different life than when he was little. In the movie The Green Mile, Michael Clark Duncan's character was talking about another character and said he "used their love against them". I think my son used my love against me. I am new here and that is just my opinion. I just wanted so desperately for him to love me and just be a good human being. I am not addicted to drama. I have just been a doormat my whole life. I don't want that anymore. Such a rambling message. [/QUOTE]
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Do we get something out of enabling our grown kids?
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