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Parent Emeritus
Do you all ever think there will come a time that we don't deal with all this drama anymore?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 677940" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It is possible in two ways.</p><p></p><p>1/Your dreams come true (and they can) and the adult child decides to chug the drug life and join society.</p><p></p><p>2/You change your own behavior and refuse to allow the drama and abuse and drugs to dictate your life. You can do this by telling your adult child to leave (if at home), by only taking cordial phone calls, by not handing out money, by demanding respect or else disconnecting the contact that is disrespectful, and by getting a life of your own that is not connected to what your adult child is doing.</p><p></p><p>Therapy or Al-Anon, if it is drugs or alcohol, can help you detach with love and help you immensely. You can't change your adult child and often enabling their bad behavior makes that behavior even worse and causes so much stress on you that you get sick and are no good for anybody, including yourself. And YOU matter. It takes practice and I feel also outside help,but you can learn to enjoy your life and minimize contact with a disrespectful adult child...and start enjoying the rest of your life.</p><p></p><p>Nobody should have to walk on eggshells with anybody, let alone in your own house. You can stop this by taking control and deciding what type of contact with a difficult person that you will or will not tolerate. And stick to it. I feel our homes should be OUR sanctuaries, not places where abusive adult children throw us around and make us feel uncomfortable.</p><p>My own opinion again is to NOT talk too much to an adult child who is deliberately acting like he is a ten year old brat. It is probably going to cause less tension to NOT tell him how he is behaving. He knows he is being a *********. But if you say it, that just gives him oil to throw on the fire and he will ramp up his own abuse. I personally would not allow an abusive adult child to be in my home. And when we did meet, it would be in a public place, such as a restaurant, to minimize the abusive talk. Where the adult child can get up and leave if he gets angry at you, but you are not alone with him. This especially is true if the adult child gets violent or breaks things in your home.</p><p></p><p>Of course, as always, this is just my opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 677940, member: 1550"] It is possible in two ways. 1/Your dreams come true (and they can) and the adult child decides to chug the drug life and join society. 2/You change your own behavior and refuse to allow the drama and abuse and drugs to dictate your life. You can do this by telling your adult child to leave (if at home), by only taking cordial phone calls, by not handing out money, by demanding respect or else disconnecting the contact that is disrespectful, and by getting a life of your own that is not connected to what your adult child is doing. Therapy or Al-Anon, if it is drugs or alcohol, can help you detach with love and help you immensely. You can't change your adult child and often enabling their bad behavior makes that behavior even worse and causes so much stress on you that you get sick and are no good for anybody, including yourself. And YOU matter. It takes practice and I feel also outside help,but you can learn to enjoy your life and minimize contact with a disrespectful adult child...and start enjoying the rest of your life. Nobody should have to walk on eggshells with anybody, let alone in your own house. You can stop this by taking control and deciding what type of contact with a difficult person that you will or will not tolerate. And stick to it. I feel our homes should be OUR sanctuaries, not places where abusive adult children throw us around and make us feel uncomfortable. My own opinion again is to NOT talk too much to an adult child who is deliberately acting like he is a ten year old brat. It is probably going to cause less tension to NOT tell him how he is behaving. He knows he is being a *********. But if you say it, that just gives him oil to throw on the fire and he will ramp up his own abuse. I personally would not allow an abusive adult child to be in my home. And when we did meet, it would be in a public place, such as a restaurant, to minimize the abusive talk. Where the adult child can get up and leave if he gets angry at you, but you are not alone with him. This especially is true if the adult child gets violent or breaks things in your home. Of course, as always, this is just my opinion. [/QUOTE]
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Do you all ever think there will come a time that we don't deal with all this drama anymore?
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