Do you believe you can be addicted to a person and act like an addict?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Dec 14, 2017.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    A boyfriend who you know is toxic to you but you just can't stop talking to? Yet he ruins your life?

    A family member?

    A good friend who really isn't, but you are compelled to talk to the person and stay friends?

    Do you feel it resembles any addiction such as alcoholism or gambling?

    When does it turn into an addiction?

    Is there no such think?

    Thanks for your opinion, if you answered!! :)
     
  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I think it's simply codependency. The operative word "dependency" would be the addiction.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I guess. But it can ruin your life.
    I am really not thinking of kids because....that is different, I think. Just people who treat us badly yet we can't break away, even for our own good. An inability to let go of somebody, beside a child, who harms you.
     
  4. Unhappymom

    Unhappymom New Member

    Perhaps, you are dealing with low self esteem that makes you compelled to believe this is the type of treatment you deserve? We need to love ourselves and realize our own self worth. Do you? If we cant treat ourselves with respect it is unlikely we would expect others too. Take a good look at yourself...what do u see? Strength? A leader? a person with a good heart?? Or do u see a weak follower, always trying to please everyone else in order to be liked and accepted, putting them first. Just think about it and i wish you well. and yes, i think most of us on here are having issues with children. You dont say how old you are, but i suspect having faith in yourself and respect can only help you in the future with lifes challenges.
     
  5. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I think that humans are creatures of habit. We develop patterns in our lives from early childhood. If we grow up with challenges in our families, I think we have a tendency to be drawn towards people (or, people are drawn towards us) where those relationship patterns are recreated.
    I don't think it is an intentional thing, it just happens.
    Even if it is uncomfortable, it is familiar.
    We get stuck.
    I think life is cyclical, and that circumstances present themselves where we will either remain in a repetitive pattern, or, we will learn and grow and break free of it.
    Rinse, repeat.
    It is especially difficult if we are sensitive, kind and forgiving.
    Some people will see those characteristics and cherish our friendship, others will try and take advantage of us.
    It is important to be able to tell the difference.
    When a "friendship" is infused with incidences that trigger old relationship memory and patterns, I think it triggers something in us. We hang on because we have a propensity to relive our past through present situations, to "fix" what was broken. As children, we had no control, there was no escape.
    Why would we as adults, choose to be stuck like this? I don't know Swot, maybe it is baggage bubbling up that we need to address? Maybe there is something to be learned on both sides of the relationship.
    Maybe we are destined to continue a pattern, until we learn what we need to learn from it.
    Just my opinion, from my experience with people.
    "What you allow, will continue."
    On a deeper note........
    I think we are constantly, subconsciously , reliving and reviewing our past, that we have an inner child that needs to be recognized and heard. I remember Cedar touching on this in her posts.
    Until we heal the wounds of our inner child, we continue to repeat those old patterns.
    Just my thoughts.
    You are a wonderful soul, Swot. You grew up under tough circumstances. You survived and flourished and became a beautiful, kind and loving person. You deserve to have true friends who will nurture and love you.
    There are people who will take advantage of others.
    We don't need to hang on to toxic relationships.
    Take care sweet sister.
    (((HUGS)))
    Leafy
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • List
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thank you all. There is wisdom in all.

    Yes I am hsp too. In every way.

    I actually don't think I am a people pleaser except in this relationship. I have to stop trying to please her. I can't do it.

    Thanks again.
     
  8. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

  9. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    A Friend comes to mind. Not an addiction though.
    We have a wonderful, long history, BUT recent years have been peculiar and stressful...but not abusuve.
    I've posted about her before.
    We've been friends for decades. Always very kind.
    BUT last several years have been bizarre. Some inconsiderate and very weird out of character behaviors on her part.
    We moved recently.
    I'm trying to put "distance" between us figuratively as well.
    Still friends, but more casual.
    Too many very good years and memories in the past.
    Yet, due to these recent years of stressful behaviors...I'm pulling back.
    This ,is at times , is harder than completely separating, but, fingers crossed will work out. I think keeping things status quo just wasn't healthy for me.
    I've been pretty good moving away from others who are harmful for me...old boyfriends etc.
    This (oddity with this long term female friend) might be the first time I have done things a little differently...a bit of a compromise.
    No...I have not felt addicted to someone, particularly if I feel they hurt me. Nope. I won't do that.
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2017
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Nomad, you are wise.

    For me to have put up with cops, insults, snubs etc. the only explanation that comes to me is addiction. And the one I was addicted to is addicted to a very bad man. Karma?

    I have never been addicted to a bad man, at least. And except for this person, I do tend to choose kind people in my life. At the same time, in the past I have not stuck around when someone isn't nice. It's just HER. And, truth be told, she had me never been nice to me. I haven't been a Saint, but am quick to sincerely apologize wben I am wrong. She thinks what she does is okay. And that wont work anymore.

    I will detox. It's no different than quitting an addictive drug. I have strong willpower. I can do it. I have to do this.