Do you ever doubt yourself....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Sep 19, 2011.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    when it comes to the way you deal with your difficult child? Since difficult child's diagnosis was "changed" in January, I have found myself being more understanding and doing more teaching of skills than punishing. It seems to be working. I have decided to enroll him in an online middle school so I can make sure he gets the help (from me) he needs to understand what he's being taught. This seems good too. We are doing Occupational Therapist (OT) and he has a community social skills worker he goes with twice a week.

    But as I sit here thinking (I know, dangerous), am I doing what needs to be done for him to be successful as an adult? Will he ever be able to hold a job without "help"? Will he be able to live on his own when he is a compulsive spender (money in pocket needs to be spent)? Will he be able to handle life's frustrations without decking anyone that doesn't agree with him?

    Does anyone else have these doubts? I see so much potential in him but doubt myself when it comes to teaching him the things he's going to have to be able to do for himself. Am I doing more harm than good?
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Don't doubt yourself!!! OK, easier said than done. I've done a lot of bawling my eyes out because I was so frustrated that everything I was doing wasn't helping O learn. But... The fact of the matter is... You're doing the best you can with the tools you have.

    If you can do the things you need to do to survive, then you can teach them to him. Now, it is totally up to him if he learns them! You can only give him the tools - you can't force him to build. And that is where you are doing your best.

    Think of it this way... You're playing a card game that requires all 52 cards, say Solitaire. But... You have the 2 of clubs missing. You will never be able to win! But there's lots of games that would work just fine without the 2 of clubs.

    more :hugs:
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ummm.... parental self-doubt? Even parents with nothing but PCs end up there! Somehow, it just goes with parenthood. But when we have difficult children, we end up with that much more to "worry about".

    I know exactly what you mean.

    But... look at the trend... when things were going poorly, there was all kinds of self-doubt because you were not geting results. Now, you are getting results, and there is all kinds of self-doubt because you don't know if it will be "enough"... Know what I mean??

    Smile at yourself in the mirror, and remind your self you're just being a normal parent.
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2011
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Self-doubt? Oh - always!

    I think you're "normal"....whatever THAT means.

  5. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Do I ever doubt myself? Yes, of course!
    I think we all do, but that's what makes us good parents. That allows us to be critical and innovative.
    Like pp, you do the best you can we what you have. It would be a lot easier with a crystal ball, but I have not found one yet.
    By changing his schooling, I don't believe you are over protective. You actually teach him something very valuable: education is a must, but the way you get that education can be adapted/twicked.
    The two things I'm hoping to teach V: know yourself (weaknesses and strenghts) and try your best.
    There is lots of ways to be happy and productive in life and there is nothing wrong in finding the ways that will work for your difficult child. Alternate schooling is a step towards that direction.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Ya know, I was just thinking about this yesterday in fact...

    I looked at husband and said, "WHY don't they come with a user manual and KNOWING how to do things right?!"

    He said... "That would be nice..."
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Looking for the "LIKE" button again Step! I "LIKE" that thought. More so for my difficult child than easy child/difficult child. Thanks for the smile.
  8. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Major doubts. I have the same worries about my children's futures. One thing that helps me is, actually two things that I have gotten from the board:

    worry won't change anything, so all it does is reduce my quality of life,

    and two, I think I need to live more in the present with my children. yes, I don't see how they are ever going to be functioning adults, but I need to concentrate on the skills etc that are apprpriate for their current development and stop worrying so much about the dang future. Realistically I think one should focus on the next year or two and not try to borrow trouble. It will come anyway.

    Don't knwo if this helps.
  9. keista

    keista New Member

    All the time! But just like everything else, gotta keep on keeping on.