hi
lately i've been noticing that i often think if only i did something different, if i hadn't divorced, if i'd made more money if id spent more time, if i was able to afford to buy a home things would be different they woudl be better.
yup i'm in pity mode for sure. i drip in and out of it through week. i have my up moments when i have to then i crash at night once the day that occured hits me.
little difficult child working on it diagnosis that is, bigger difficult child almost 15 didn't think that there were these many problems. i'm taking her for drug screening tomorrow. nevre thought i'd be here. don't know why maybe i thought it would be different for her for me as a parent maybe i'd luck out more importantlly she'd luck out. i dont' think she's using but schools requesting it due to all failing grades all year long. and last year and year before that.
it's so freaking aggrivating to give so much of yourself your time sweat money heart love all of it and to have this **** in plain english.
i sit adn beat myself up on occassion say all the things what if this what if that. i know i shouldn't but yet sometimes i think i'Tourette's Syndrome all my fault. i see peoples' faces when i tell them i can hear the thought in their heads the look on their faces oh well they come from a broken home, etc. it was more broken when i was married 6 yeras ago is what i want to say
im ranting i know i am. just so so so so aggrivating. if i was one of those single parents who partied, drank had a huge social life i'd say oh well you reap what you sow you screwed your kids up but tha'Tourette's Syndrome not me it's never been me. i met my fiance on eharmony because i don't do bars and clubs etc. several emails adn phone calls later and meetin gin public place here i am.
point is i'm not one of thsoe parents. i consider my job as mother to be the most important job i'll ever do i take the time all the time almost to love to say the kind words to write the notes in lunch boxes to run off job when there's a problem i come running not dad who does fun thigns every other weekend yet kids adore his existance. he gets fun time i get sleepless nights endless doctors school mtgs where as today's i wanted to throw up while the 8th teacher was talking about how disconnected my kid is...........ugh
ok ((( breath Jen))) thanks for letting me type out my anger and frustration. i joined gym i totally should go kick some bags or people or something
jen
lately i've been noticing that i often think if only i did something different, if i hadn't divorced, if i'd made more money if id spent more time, if i was able to afford to buy a home things would be different they woudl be better.
yup i'm in pity mode for sure. i drip in and out of it through week. i have my up moments when i have to then i crash at night once the day that occured hits me.
little difficult child working on it diagnosis that is, bigger difficult child almost 15 didn't think that there were these many problems. i'm taking her for drug screening tomorrow. nevre thought i'd be here. don't know why maybe i thought it would be different for her for me as a parent maybe i'd luck out more importantlly she'd luck out. i dont' think she's using but schools requesting it due to all failing grades all year long. and last year and year before that.
it's so freaking aggrivating to give so much of yourself your time sweat money heart love all of it and to have this **** in plain english.
i sit adn beat myself up on occassion say all the things what if this what if that. i know i shouldn't but yet sometimes i think i'Tourette's Syndrome all my fault. i see peoples' faces when i tell them i can hear the thought in their heads the look on their faces oh well they come from a broken home, etc. it was more broken when i was married 6 yeras ago is what i want to say
im ranting i know i am. just so so so so aggrivating. if i was one of those single parents who partied, drank had a huge social life i'd say oh well you reap what you sow you screwed your kids up but tha'Tourette's Syndrome not me it's never been me. i met my fiance on eharmony because i don't do bars and clubs etc. several emails adn phone calls later and meetin gin public place here i am.
point is i'm not one of thsoe parents. i consider my job as mother to be the most important job i'll ever do i take the time all the time almost to love to say the kind words to write the notes in lunch boxes to run off job when there's a problem i come running not dad who does fun thigns every other weekend yet kids adore his existance. he gets fun time i get sleepless nights endless doctors school mtgs where as today's i wanted to throw up while the 8th teacher was talking about how disconnected my kid is...........ugh
ok ((( breath Jen))) thanks for letting me type out my anger and frustration. i joined gym i totally should go kick some bags or people or something
jen